Reality Check Today

Today Kyan's teacher, an occupational therapist and a teacher's aid from their school came to our house to help me organize the kids' toys and hopefully find a 'calm down' space for Kyan. Once they got here and checked out the layout of the house, and the chaos of all 3 kiddos at the same time, they better understood the challenge.

Unfortunately there aren't any fantastic options. Kyan really needs his own room. Problem is, we have a 3 bedroom house. So that simply isn't an option. AND there are no spaces that can be converted to another room. Our house just isn't that big. We moved into our house for the school zone, the back yard and the driveway. In hindsight, I wish we'd chosen differently.

We desperately need a separate room for Kyan. He has a very hard time winding down and today he spent nap time stimming--screaming, squealing, singing, jumping and keeping Braylen awake. Problem is without a nap, they are miserable. So the evening was great fun. In addition, I am becoming more and more aware of how desperately we all need a space that is all our own. My kids don't really have that. At least not my boys. Basically they share everything with the exception of Kynsie's room. Kyan is a child who really would make a better only child. They chaos, sharing, and busyness of being a triplet is hard for him to handle.

Miss Amy actually asked me if we'd ever contacted extreme home makeover. :) We haven't. Somehow I don't think anyone is going to ride in on a white horse and save us on this one. But I don't really know what to do. I am organizing the toys and reducing significantly the clutter, but we still don't have a "calm space" solution.

In addition to that, it came to my attention that a large part of this extra stress for Kyan is sharing my attention and Brandon's attention. They all have to share us, and Kyan has a very hard time. Take with that that very often only one of us is at home at a time, and that even further reduces the one on one attention.

So, I walked away from today realizing a few things. We really need another bedroom. Brandon needs a job that requires less travel. And I need to bring home more income to help us afford some of the things our kids need to thrive. Problem is I can't really see anyway that any of those will happen. Not that I have to know how it will all work out, but that would be nice.

As I made a super quick trip to the grocery store tonight I purchased the chocolate peanut butter fudge that I have thus far always walked right past. As I was eating fudge on my way home the light bulb went off. I must be anxious and stressed. I only crave chocolate like this when my anxiety is up.

I hate it but that is where I am. Presently taking 2 anxiety meds, trying to work out 3 times a week, and seeing a church counselor, and still the anxiety is swallowing me.

Prayers and wisdom would be great. It's overwhelming now. I just really need help. Help for the day to day stuff. Help for the not-so-mundane-stuff. HELP.

thanks