Saturday, November 14, 2009

Take That, Autism

It's funny how good news can put the spring back in your step and rekindle the determination that was faltering just days before. On my way to work today I was basking in the good news we received about our sweet Sissy yesterday, and my thoughts turned to Kyan. My little man has come SO, SO far already. His road is simply longer and harder than Kynsie's.

I have wondered before if my prayers have fallen on deaf ears. When I have placed my hands on my sleeping children and asked (begged) God to heal them, does He hear me? When I have prayed for wisdom and help. are you there? When we have prayed for the right people to be placed in their lives to help bring about recovery, does this matter to you God?

I have wanted to give up. A LOT. When Kyan kicked me in the face during a diaper change this week, I wanted to quit. When after 2 days of utter peace, he began tantruming and beating his siblings and me, I wanted to quit. When he picked up my blackberry and tried to throw it across the room to hit me, I wanted to quit. But not today.

Today I say to Autism, You are no match for a mother's love. And you certainly are no match for my God. As hard as you fight, I will fight harder. You may knock me down, but you better believe that with God's help I WILL get back up. And I will keep getting up and getting back into the ring with you until my son is healed or I draw my last breath-whichever comes first. What I won't do is quit. Not today. Not ever.

It's amazing how victory can truly restore the soul. I feel like I am watching Kynsie walk away from Autism. She still has some issues of concern, but she is ABSOLUTELY light years ahead of where I expected her to be. I remember vividly crying to my friend Cindy and telling her that I was terrified that Kynsie might never talk. And here we are 2 years later and she is a little chatterbox. Miraculous. Nothing short of miraculous. This child had no consonant sounds at age 2. Her language at age 2 measured at 3 months old. And here we are. Miraculous!

And as we rejoice that we are seeing Kynsie emerge from the abyss of Autism, we re-commit to rescue Kyan as well. I believe his day will come. I believe. Please pray with us that he will be healed and that Kynsie's healing will be complete.

A story to leave you with. Recently as we were getting the kids ready for church Kyan was having one of his meltdowns and Brandon and I were over it. Then Kyan pooped in his diaper and that had to be dealt with, so another major meltdown. As Brandon changed his diaper, the strangest thing happened. Kyan starting singing in his sweet little voice:

Dere's a sweet, sweet spiwit in this pwace
And I know dat its da spiwit of the Lord
There are seet expwessions on each face
and I know dat its da pwesence of da Lord
Seet Holy Spiwit
Seet Heavenwy Dove
Stay wight here wiff us
Filling up wiff your love....

And he kind of trailed off from there. Brandon and I just looked at each other speechless. That's as close to a divine experience as anything I have ever had. Kyan does know that hymn from Veggy Tales but that CD was not on, had not been on...it was basically unexplainable, except it wasn't. I think that was just God's way of tapping us on the shoulder and saying "Hey. I'm here. Don't forget." Because we do forget. We (especially me) forget that not only are we not alone, we aren't in charge either. I am grateful for the gentle reminders and the little (and not so little) miracles that keep us going.

Here are those lyrics in adult speak:
There's a sweet sweet spirit in this place
And I know that it's the spirit of the Lord
There are sweet expressions on each face
And I know that it's the presence of the Lord
Sweet Holy Spirit
Sweet heavenly dove
Stay right here with us
Filling us with your love
And for these blessings
We lift our hearts in praise
Without a doubt we'll know that we have been revived
When we shall leave this place

2 comments:

Liz said...

Aren't those moments the best!

Tracey said...

Good to hear your encouraging words! Keep fighting momma! What a sweet hymn to come from your angel, a comforting message from God. I keep telling myself if I believe God is who He says He is then He has this whole autism thing taken care of. My only job is to trust and walk in that trust. He is our Healer and can do all things. I MUST believe that and walk in the faith that my children will be okay. God wanted us to walk this road and now He wants to show us all the things that He truly is along the way. Autism is our Goliath and we are David. Who would have thought David could do it? It will be tough and against all odds and take all of our faith and courage. But I believe with God's help, we can bring down that giant!