Sunday, May 08, 2011

Needle in a Haystack

Actually a Honda key in a strawberry patch....a really out in the boonies, 30 minutes from home, strawberry patch. Braylen & I spent about 30 minutes picking 12 lbs of strawberries and somewhere along the way, my key slipped out of its hiding place and landed among the strawberries. I didn't notice until it was time to go and the key was gone. So for 30 minutes, I looked and looked and retraced my steps. finally, I gave in and called Brandon. He called triple a, grabbed other 2 kids and started driving toward Egypt to come see us. The problem was that the van was locked and we have no extra key. So, that key had to be found or we were going to be about $130 to get AAA to make a new key on the spot. After 1.5 hrs of looking (with 10 other good Samaritan volunteers helping) Brandon found that key in the strawberry patch. COMPLETE MIRACLE. By that time I was so tired, sore, sunburned & had a stress headache so I was less impressed and more ready to go. My kids had consumed 1.5 lbs of strawberries and we were all ready to get home. Thankfully this had a happy ending. I am truly ready for this dark cloud to GO AWAY.

What a Day

Today was not ourday to teach Sunday school, and the sermon was certianly timely for me. "Strength in the Hard Places". I did well through the entire sermon, right up thru the video of the mom whose teenage son died. that was bad. The "falling apart" song, almost equally bad, but I was ok. Then Steven kept talking about hard situations with kids, and how you pour yourself into them, and nothing is pouring itself into you, and you just want a break, and I LOST IT. Crying. No. SOBBING. Seriously sobbing in church. That was comfortable. I suppose I needed to let that go, but I was a mess.

I worry about Kyan. My oldest half Brother Rusty died several years ago. Rusty was the kind of guy who left a scar. He just did. I remember watching him take a swing at my dad, getting my brother in trouble with alcohol, arguments, fights, drugs. He was just really angry. When we were at his funeral one of his aunts from his mother's side said something that has stuck with me. "Rusty was just angry from the day he was born. He was born angry & stayed mad at the world." Now, I don't mean to speak ill of the dead, but her words were true. He was forever picking a fight and finding trouble. CONSTANTLY. I have few (maybe 1) good memories. So, now I worry about Kyan. I am a believer in pre-disposition. I believe in nurture, but I have seen too much not to believe in nature as well. I worry that Kyan's behavior, if not handled now will continue down the dark road his now deceased uncle walked down. I cannot bear to see that happen to my child. I will admit I have watched too many episodes of NCIS, Criminal Minds and the like, but I worry about Kyan becoming a sociopath. I do. Sincerely, I do worry about that...a lot. Some way, some how we have got to get a handle on his rage. I continue to be in touch with his doctor. I am not for prescription meds for kids, but we have exhausted all other options and I have avoided it for 4 years now. I hope & pray all of us can get some relief soon. I call the doctor tomorrow to report on the weekend.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

A few more pics

This tree just destroyed my 2 yr old pear tree. you can see the stake in bottom center of pic. it had baby pears on it :( This one is HUGE. It is not on our fence. North side of the house has holes in siding. Haven't been on roof, but our deck, playset all looks like a hammer was taken to it all over. Hail even discolored side walk everywhere it hit.

This is tree number 2 that is on our fence.


Since I last wrote....TORNADO, literal, not figurative

So, in the way of updates, we saw Dr. Bernui on April 21. Kynsie & Braylen got minor changes to supplements, and 6 vials of blood. OUCH! Took 4 adults to get that from each of them. Kyan got as much blood, new supps & a urine test. I gave in and asked for prescription meds for his behavior. Our doc ordered the urine test to determine dopamine, seratonin, etc. levels. Due to the constraints of this test, I am not sure how I possibly get this test done. I called back on Wednesday after continued hell on earth with Kyan's behavior and asked again for meds. He offered a new supplement and I asked them to overnight it. At this point, I may go to the pediatrician. We need relief yesterday, and the fight in me is gone. This morning before church Kyan was flipping out and almost didn't get to go. Once we got there he flipped out again because he forgot his bible, and had to stay in the van. Finally calmed down enough to come in and he made it 30 minutes before he flipped out again and Brandon had to take him out. I'm talking 4 full on tantrums before lunch. I can't do it. This is why women leave their children and don't look back. Yes, I know how horrible that sounds. I will not ever leave, but I can finally get my brain around why they do it. I can't change him and I cannot live like this either. COMPLETELY MISERABLE. His teacher pulled me aside on Friday and asked me if his behavior has worsened because it has at school. She too is frustrated and has run out of answers for him. In the name of peace for the rest of the students she has chosen to give in to his anger, which is a TERRIBLE idea, but I can't say I blame her. It's not a choice we make in regards to him, but our ways aren't working either. In a nutshell, everyone is waiving a white flag when it comes to Kyan.

AS for the tornado, an EF-1 came through 04/27/11 with a torrent of golf ball sized hail that beat the tar out of our house and downed 4 trees....big ones. Fence broken in 2 places, siding busted up, roof beat up. Can ou say $1,000 deductible? But all of us are safe. We have much to be grateful for. I still hope that the black cloud that has been following us will soon retreat. My steam mop blew up yesterday. Just add that to the list of expensive things we can't (at the moment) afford to replace. UGGGG!