Wednesday, October 07, 2009

The Day Will Come

The Day will come when I tell you how fabulous everything is. The day will come when I am just overwhelmed by peace. The day will come when I am not Debbie Downer. Unfortunately folks, that day is not today.

The day started fine. Today we had scheduled psychological evaluations for Kynsie and Kyan. This is for the Social Security support we applied for in March. In spite of the fact that our children have been in speech and occupational therapy since age 1; and in spite of the fact that they are presently enrolled in state-funded school, the state is unsure if my kids have Autism. Nice, huh? So I spent from 12-2pm watching Kyan and Kynsie struggle through IQ tests. Kyan had a much harder time staying focused and he really wanted to leave, but no screaming. He was tired and seems to be getting a cold, but I still felt like he tested accurately. Kynsie went second and I was amazed at her ability to focus a bit longer. She was able to answer many more abstract questions than he did, but still I could tell that there were areas where she struggled. This was a hoop we had to jump through, but it is just one more reminder of where we are, and no matter how many of those I get, it's still hard to watch my children struggle.

Since I missed lunch, after evaluations, I called in a sandwich from my favorite deli swung by to pick it up. Imagine my surprise when I see my completely flat back tire--as in rim on the ground. At this point, my very well-organized day fell apart. I went in to at least get the aforementioned sandwich only to discover that I had left my purse (and my money) at my store. I offered a $2 deposit if I could get my sandwich while it was still hot. They gave it to me--no deposit required--and I ate while waiting for someone to rescue me. I should mention that I was supposed to be going to relieve my employee Jessica, who is recovering from the flu and now has walking Pneumonia. She was working for me at the store so I could be at the evaluations. In the mean time, Barbara was dropping of Kyan and Kynsie at home with Brandon. The long and the short of it is Brandon came out to change the tire, after an hour of missing tools and overall bad luck, I had to call a tow truck. Mean time, Barbara is missing an appointment I didn't know existed. Tow service fails to mention on the phone that it will be 1.5 hours before they can get to my van. So brandon is stuck at the deli for all that time. I called at the 1 hour mark and they said 30 minutes. I asked why they hadn't told me it would be that long? No response. I tried 5 more tow services, but by then, all would be at least 45 minutes. So no-go. Finally get the dang thing towed in and tire repaired. I was an hour late to relieve Jessica, and 4 hours late relieving Barbara.

On top of that, and yes, I am serious, I have to look for an additional babysitter. Who wants to take on 3 year-old triplets, 2 with Autism? That remains to be seen. But Barbara is spread very thin these days, and basically my help is going to be even more limited. She is basically it for me as far as sitters go. Patty helps some, but she lives 30 minutes away, so not too convenient for her. My parents are across the state and my Dad is facing major spinal surgery--so that's a no-go. So now what? Who in the world can I find that I will actually trust with my children who they can actually bond with? They have known Barbara as long as they can remember. She was with us since they came home from the NICU. I am not looking forward to this.

And because I just have to share--Kyan is getting sick and Braylen's plain jane cold appears to be moving to his chest. I HATE that their little immune systems are so trashed. I can not imagine what we would be dealing with if they weren't on supplements and a good diet--How much worse this could be....And then I wonder how would they be if we had never vaccinated, or if we had waited until age 2? Or if I could have breastfed longer? I will never know.

So there you have it folks, the Debby Downer report for the day. I am reminding myself to rejoice in the Lord always, and hoping that reminder will somehow make it 'stick' somewhere in my soul. I have to admit my Christian muscles are pretty fatigued and all of me is worn down. Tomorrow is a new day, and God-willing it will be a better one.

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