School/Autism Updates

So, we went for round 2 of testing for special education preschool. This part was an Occupational Therapy evaluation for Kyan and Kynsie. They were happy to go into the building and went willingly with the therapists and did well, which was a relief to me because they will likely spend a good deal of time there. Nothing earth shattering happened. The evals came out about like we expected. The OT therapists concurred with the speech therapists and the psycologist that K and K would benefit and infact need 4 days of special ed preschool. Again, everything had not been scored, but we are seeing a recurring theme.

So I am in the process of trying to negotiate schedules so that everyone gets where they belong. The long of the short of it is that my store and Braylen's preschool will be in Farragut and K & K would be downtown. I would drive down town drop K & K off at 8am, then drive to Farragut & drop B off. Then drive to my store. Work for 1 hour before leaving to make the 30 min journey back to pick up K & K. We drive back to my store. I work 30 mins before I load up K & K and go get Braylen. yeah--that's not going to work. I could close my store but it really makes no sense to. It is going really well. I am actually on track to quadruple my sales from last year. So, I am planning to move my store closer to downtown area, probably to the Bearden area so that I can cut down on the drive time. The downside is that my rent will be much higher and I am not sure I can swing that. Plus, many of the realtors who run the leases want 3-5 yrs contracts, which is not an option. My kids come first and if I need to close up shop, I will, lease or no lease. I currently have a 1-month buyout option which is incredibly generous. Plus, my landlord's little girl is in class with the kids at preschool. So please pray for help with my store and possible relocation.

I am also visiting a preschool for Braylen that is close by. I called several and felt good about 1. So I am going to visit there tomorrow. It is hard because he loves his current school and teachers and they love him. I hate to uproot him. I know he will adjust but I worry about him too. It will still mean a LOT of driving and I am not sure what my store hours will be or how it will all work, but it's kind of all I have at this point. Please pray that the preschool situation will work out. *side note* Kynsie and Kyan could potentially start special ed preschool as soon as next Wednesday. I am planning for December 1, but still this is a bit urgent to put it mildly.

I want to talk more about my feelings and thoughts about all of this and I will. I need to write about it. To get it out of me. There is a song by Anna Nalik called Breathe (2am) and part of it goes like this:

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song

If I get it all down on paper, its no longer inside of me,

threatening the life it belongs to

And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd

Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

In many ways, this blog is therapeutic for me. "Talking" about our struggles in this format is easier for me than in person. I don't do vulnerable very well in person. I can do it a bit better here from the safety of my computer, and to be truthful I am not sure I have ever felt as vulnerable as I do now. What was God thinking by giving all this responsibility to me? I feel like a kid myself. I realize (well brandon reminded me today) that I have a birthday looming and 31 is approaching quickly, but I don't feel like what I thought 31 would feel like. I don't know enough. Not wise enough. Not...anything or everything...enough.

Most things in my life have been conquerable, even the hard stuff. With enough hard work, the job could be done. Check it off the list and move on. But I have to tell you that Autism kicks my ass every day. Just when I think I have figured out something that will work for Kynsie or Kyan, it morphs or some new odd behavior arises. There is no checking off the list. The list is alive. It just grows and grows. Those stupid birthday candles that go out, but only long enough to make you think so, and then they burst back into flames. So it goes with Autism. We are always one antibiotic, one round of steroids, one vaccine, one yeast infection, one ritz cracker away from regression.

So there is a snippet. That's all I have in me for today. Must go to bed. Seriously please pray. This is incredibly stressful, and I really don't see how it could possibly work out. I believe that it will, but it will take some prayer to get us there. Thanks...