I took the kids to the zoo today, by myself...with no stroller....or wagon. :) It was a great day for the most part. Weather was fabulous. Animals were active. Crowds were low. Kynsie and Braylen were well-behaved and played nicely together. Kyan spent the day stimming. I will try to video him tomorrow so you can see what I mean. In a nutshell, he is not playing at all. He is just repeating this behavior with his eyes over and over and over and over. It is concerning and honestly--annoying. I realize that he can't help it, but it gets all over my nerves. I think it gets on my nerves so much because it reminds me of where we are. We are still here. We are almost 3 years into this journey and he is still doing some of the same behaviors. Sure he has come a LONG way, and I try very hard to focus on that, but it becomes pretty hard to ignore the problems we are still experiencing. Case in point. Braylen and Kynsie wanted to go in the petting zoo. Kyan did not. He wanted to go to the play area so he could stim. I let Kynsie and Braylen go in, but could not go with them because Kyan was screaming GO TO PLAY AREA!! at the top of his lungs for 10 solid minutes. Yes, people were staring. Kynsie and Braylen were kind of on their own. Thankfully a friend of mine whose daughter is in B's class, was in the petting zoo area and she corralled my kids and helped them. There was no way I could take Kyan with the animals in that shape. And I HATE it. I hate that I missed that time with my kids. I hate that Kyan missed that fun time, even though he has no idea he missed it. I hate that he has no idea that he missed something fun. I hate that people were staring at him like he is a bad child. I shouldn't care, and I don't for the most part, but it is very hard not to get embarrassed. I explained to the caretaker that he has autism and will just have to work through it, and I honestly may as well have been speaking Chinese, because he obviously had NO IDEA what I was talking about. I hate that people are ignorant. I hate a lot of things today. Can you tell? My list could go on and on, but I will save you my griping because it isn't doing either of us any good, is it?
To cap all of that off, ALL of Kyan's blood work was negative. Normally this is a good thing, right? Well, not necessarily for us. We still don't know what's up with him. Some of his behavior is from yeast and it will get better, but even when yeast is at bay, we are still missing something with him. I know it in my bones, but I have no idea what it is. My hope was that this blood work would give us some answers, and therefore a direction. Instead, I feel like someone just hit the restart button again. Freaking groundhog day in Autism hell.
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I am so frustrated, and seriously don't feel like I am cut out for this. We are doing everything we know to do, and still Kyan is treading water. I am watching Kynsie recover in front of my very eyes and I am so grateful, but it also reminds me that Kyan just isn't making the same progress. And in the back of my mind, I see that window of opportunity from age 3-5, when the brain is most malleable and children with Autism are prone to make the greatest gains beginning to close. I know that all progress doesn't immediately stop at age 5, but I also know that there is good research that shows how critical this window of time is. So the clock is ticking, and it gets louder by the day. Where do we go from here? I don't know. I am going to wrap this up and go to bed and hope that I awake with some stroke of genius, or at least a rested spirit and a strong dose of perspective.
As I mentioned in a previous post, chiropractic and like craniosacral therapy are on the horizon. I expect these do help, but from research, don't expect massive gains from this alone. Hyperbaric Oxygen therapy is treatment that I think would benefit all of my children significantly, but it costs $100 per "dive" and most kids need 20-30 dives to see results. You do the math and multiply times 3 and see that that adds up rather quickly. The doctor's staff actually told me that I would be better off to buy my own HBOT system. The cost around $10,000...used. Pocket change.
SO...I need a game plan and a little divine intervention wouldn't hurt. Suggestions? Sure, I'll take suggestions. Send them my way.
Good night all.