this is a post from a few days ago. I almost didnt post it, but i thought maybe someone would benefit somehow from it. PLus--i want to be sure that we create a realistic picture of parenting triplets. It's great and fun, but it's definitely not a halmark commercial everyday. anyway...here's my post from the 18th.
I want to preface this by saying that I love being a mommy...but today was one of those days when I wish I had a 'pause' button. ok, a mute button wouldnt be bad either, but I'd settle for a 'pause'. It is amazing how quickly a perfectly good day can go right down the tubes, and I find myself wondering, "what just happened?". Only I cant even answer myself before one of my little darlings decides that they need me right this minute. *sigh*
I received a disturbing letter in the mail today, from the Knoxville utilities board. It seems that they actually expect me to PAY for my utilities! Can you believe that???? I apparently forgot to pay them last month. So that bill nearly took my breath away. We keep our hosue as toasty as an old folks home, so we practically pay KUB a housepayment every month. Fortunately we have never been late before, and yes, we still have utilities, but I can not believe I didnt pay them. I used to be SO good about that stuff. It literally made me sick to my stomach. I have never had any credit issues, and I dont want to start now.
I guess it does make sense though, I mean I am a little busy. I feel like paying medical bills is a full time job. What a headache! And then I have to do my best to be sure that three babies get fed, take good naps, have play time, tummy time and bath time every day. And then dont forget that I am trying to be sure that they get enough mental & physical stimulation, but not too much, as they are still a bit fragile and they dont need to be overstimulated. (good grief!)Then add household chores..until yesterday I am certain that the cure for cancer was growing on my shower curtain, I finally got that taken care of. ICK!! And did I mention that I am also supposed to be a loving wife, a thoughtful friend, and a good daughter, sister and aunt? Oh yes, and add a crazy dog, and reflux to the mix, just for fun.
Welcome to my world. Im sure I sound like a whiny butt, and certainly there is some crazy soul out there who is patting herself on the back thinking "Heh. I could handle that a lot better" and God bless you if you could, but what I feel the urgent need to say is "I am doing the best that I can". In fact, i'd really like a t-shirt that says "Cut me some slack. I am doing the best I can." MAybe everyone would like a t-shirt like that.
It's just been one of those days when I am kicking like crazy trying to keep my head above water, and nothing I do even gets me near the surface. how am I supposed to keep up with these babies, keep them healthy, happy, and safe, while trying depserately not to do anything that they will be rehashing with a therapist 20 years from now?
*whew* I feel better now. I think I just needed to get off my chest. I gotta go. 2 babies need my attention urg-ent l......