Ode de Trio

Needle in a Haystack

2011-05-08T20:17:00.002-05:00

Actually a Honda key in a strawberry patch....a really out in the boonies, 30 minutes from home, strawberry patch. Braylen & I spent about 30 minutes picking 12 lbs of strawberries and somewhere along the way, my key slipped out of its hiding place and landed among the strawberries. I didn't notice until it was time to go and the key was gone. So for 30 minutes, I looked and looked and retraced my steps. finally, I gave in and called Brandon. He called triple a, grabbed other 2 kids and started driving toward Egypt to come see us. The problem was that the van was locked and we have no extra key. So, that key had to be found or we were going to be about $130 to get AAA to make a new key on the spot. After 1.5 hrs of looking (with 10 other good Samaritan volunteers helping) Brandon found that key in the strawberry patch. COMPLETE MIRACLE. By that time I was so tired, sore, sunburned & had a stress headache so I was less impressed and more ready to go. My kids had consumed 1.5 lbs of strawberries and we were all ready to get home. Thankfully this had a happy ending. I am truly ready for this dark cloud to GO AWAY.

What a Day

2011-05-08T20:07:00.002-05:00

Today was not ourday to teach Sunday school, and the sermon was certianly timely for me. "Strength in the Hard Places". I did well through the entire sermon, right up thru the video of the mom whose teenage son died. that was bad. The "falling apart" song, almost equally bad, but I was ok. Then Steven kept talking about hard situations with kids, and how you pour yourself into them, and nothing is pouring itself into you, and you just want a break, and I LOST IT. Crying. No. SOBBING. Seriously sobbing in church. That was comfortable. I suppose I needed to let that go, but I was a mess.

I worry about Kyan. My oldest half Brother Rusty died several years ago. Rusty was the kind of guy who left a scar. He just did. I remember watching him take a swing at my dad, getting my brother in trouble with alcohol, arguments, fights, drugs. He was just really angry. When we were at his funeral one of his aunts from his mother's side said something that has stuck with me. "Rusty was just angry from the day he was born. He was born angry & stayed mad at the world." Now, I don't mean to speak ill of the dead, but her words were true. He was forever picking a fight and finding trouble. CONSTANTLY. I have few (maybe 1) good memories. So, now I worry about Kyan. I am a believer in pre-disposition. I believe in nurture, but I have seen too much not to believe in nature as well. I worry that Kyan's behavior, if not handled now will continue down the dark road his now deceased uncle walked down. I cannot bear to see that happen to my child. I will admit I have watched too many episodes of NCIS, Criminal Minds and the like, but I worry about Kyan becoming a sociopath. I do. Sincerely, I do worry about that...a lot. Some way, some how we have got to get a handle on his rage. I continue to be in touch with his doctor. I am not for prescription meds for kids, but we have exhausted all other options and I have avoided it for 4 years now. I hope & pray all of us can get some relief soon. I call the doctor tomorrow to report on the weekend.

A few more pics

2011-05-01T19:09:00.006-05:00

This tree just destroyed my 2 yr old pear tree. you can see the stake in bottom center of pic. it had baby pears on it :( This one is HUGE. It is not on our fence. North side of the house has holes in siding. Haven't been on roof, but our deck, playset all looks like a hammer was taken to it all over. Hail even discolored side walk everywhere it hit.

This is tree number 2 that is on our fence.

TORNADO PART 2

2011-05-01T16:57:00.004-05:00

Since I last wrote....TORNADO, literal, not figurative

2011-05-01T16:42:00.003-05:00

So, in the way of updates, we saw Dr. Bernui on April 21. Kynsie & Braylen got minor changes to supplements, and 6 vials of blood. OUCH! Took 4 adults to get that from each of them. Kyan got as much blood, new supps & a urine test. I gave in and asked for prescription meds for his behavior. Our doc ordered the urine test to determine dopamine, seratonin, etc. levels. Due to the constraints of this test, I am not sure how I possibly get this test done. I called back on Wednesday after continued hell on earth with Kyan's behavior and asked again for meds. He offered a new supplement and I asked them to overnight it. At this point, I may go to the pediatrician. We need relief yesterday, and the fight in me is gone. This morning before church Kyan was flipping out and almost didn't get to go. Once we got there he flipped out again because he forgot his bible, and had to stay in the van. Finally calmed down enough to come in and he made it 30 minutes before he flipped out again and Brandon had to take him out. I'm talking 4 full on tantrums before lunch. I can't do it. This is why women leave their children and don't look back. Yes, I know how horrible that sounds. I will not ever leave, but I can finally get my brain around why they do it. I can't change him and I cannot live like this either. COMPLETELY MISERABLE. His teacher pulled me aside on Friday and asked me if his behavior has worsened because it has at school. She too is frustrated and has run out of answers for him. In the name of peace for the rest of the students she has chosen to give in to his anger, which is a TERRIBLE idea, but I can't say I blame her. It's not a choice we make in regards to him, but our ways aren't working either. In a nutshell, everyone is waiving a white flag when it comes to Kyan.

AS for the tornado, an EF-1 came through 04/27/11 with a torrent of golf ball sized hail that beat the tar out of our house and downed 4 trees....big ones. Fence broken in 2 places, siding busted up, roof beat up. Can ou say $1,000 deductible? But all of us are safe. We have much to be grateful for. I still hope that the black cloud that has been following us will soon retreat. My steam mop blew up yesterday. Just add that to the list of expensive things we can't (at the moment) afford to replace. UGGGG!

A Little Less Bad

2011-04-20T21:13:00.004-05:00

Today was less bad. Tomorrow morning plumber comes to replace the hot water heater. We take off for middle TN to see Dr. Bernui. It's our annual trek and I always dread it. Long, time-consuming, filled with blood tests, pee tests, and a little misery. Just ready to get this week behind me. Prayers for tomorrow would be great.

In other news, Bank should get money back eventually. Good times.

Lousy, No Good, Rotten Day

2011-04-19T21:38:00.002-05:00

pretty much sums it up. i am typing this from my phone b/c internet died e days ago. and naturally, i have something to blog about. weedeater also died. hot water heater not only died, but also went the extra mile. we filed home warranty clai and plumber shared w/ us that is is improperly installed and we are lucky house ddidnt blow up or that we didnt end up w/ carbon monoxide poisoning b/c there is no vent for gas. that little fun fact is going to cost us twenty five hundred cool ones. and incdientally, it appears we wasted that three hundred dollars on a home inspection. somehow he missed the bomb in the crawl space. go figure. because this week is the gift that keeps on giving, somone hacked my debit card and charged seven hundred and eighty dollars on my account. that was money to pay toward water heater. again, awesome. and the symbols on my phone arent working, so im spelling everything out. no clue when money will be back or if other chargs were made. cant check account on internet b/c internet @ home not working. once more, see title of this post.

Movies w/ the kids...Big Fail

2011-04-15T21:15:00.002-05:00

Rio is a cute movie. We took kids thinking it would be a good, fun evening. And it almost was. I guess in hindsight Kyan got bored. He kept acting up. Screaming, stomping, getting in and out of his seat, throwing a fit. Great fun night, reduced to misery. Same song, second verse. Really, REALLY tired of the music.

Painful Words

2011-04-14T20:25:00.002-05:00

Tonight we went to the kids' school for a "Block Party". It was lots of fun. Food, play time on the playground, checking out classrooms. Overall good time. But there was an incident that made me sad. My kids are little politicians and know everyone's names in the whole little school. I really am not kidding or exagerating. Its comical, really. They say "hi" to everyone and call them by name. *Keep in mind, MOST children there tonight are somehow disabled or have special needs of some form or fashion. * So we walk by a family and Braylen says "That's Oscar. He's NOT nice." Loudly. I know his mother heard. I am not sure she speaks English, but I was MORTIFIED. Oscar doesn't appear to have any language at all. He screams alot. He climbs the walls....literally. He was scaling a 6 foot fence, a tall tree....he even climbed on the ROOF of the playground equipment--probably 9 feet off the ground. (not good). His parents looked helpless to control him. He does scream a lot, and from a 5 year-old view, he probably seems unkind. Just the same, I do not want my kids acting that way or saying hateful things, as it leads to bullying, and truth be told, they could be the recipient as easy as anyone. So we had to have a "Come to Jesus" conversation. I reprimanded him loud enough for Oscar's mom to hear me, then pulled him aside for another, more specific conversation. I wasn't angry, but wanted him to know that he must NOT say things like that. I made him go say "Hello" to Oscar. Then tonight before prayers, we re-visited the subject. His ability to understand "special needs" is limited. Keep in mind, my kids have no idea that they are not normal. Braylen has no clue (far as I know) that his siblings have special needs, or disabilities. So no frame of reference there. I fumbled around with it, but I tried to make it make sense for him. I told him to ALWAYS speak to Oscar and tried to help him understand that Oscar does the best he can. It's just very hard for him to stay calm, but he tries really hard. I pray that some of that message sunk in. Lord, please let my children grow up to be kind, and compassionate to all people, especially the ones who have to fight harder just to get by.

Reasons I Avoid Blogging

2011-04-13T21:06:00.002-05:00

I avoid this blog, largely b/c I fear it will suck me in. The thing I lack most since going back to a "real" job is time. I have very little time for anything. I do hate that, but that's another day's topic. Almost every day I think of things that I feel like blogging about, but I avoid it b/c I don't have the time or energy to give a big long post. So today I am trying to turn over a new leaf and just condense it, but still put it out here so its off my chest and out of my brain. Otherwise these thoughts fight constantly for my attention. Laps and laps around my brain. EEK! So, my big thing lately is Kyan. Anyone shocked? Doubtful. He is newly very remorseful for his bad behavior. On one hand it's good, if it prevents said undesirable behavior. On the other hand, he tends to take it to extremes and feel sorry for things that are not worth being sorry over. Silly things as small as spilled milk--literally. Poor guy apologizes all over himself. My fear is that I have spent so much energy trying to correct the horrible behavior that somehow he has become hyper-conscious of it after-the-fact. We praise him like crazy, but I wonder how much of that has sunk into his little psyche and how much of my frustration has penetrated as well. I will be honest 5.5 yrs, 4.5 of that years of tantrums has worn me down greatly. My patience has eroded and some days there simply isn't any left. I am hung over from the fight. I am just so over it. I don't have a lot left and I lose patience quickly. As he threw himself in the floor today over a toy (something he hasn't done in a while) all I could think is "Seriously? Are we really still here? almost 5 freaking years later, and we are still here?" How can a child make so much progress and then in a moment be reduced to square one. It is defeating, people. Straight out defeating. Discouraging with a capital "D". He's doing so well, and since I haven't posted all of those little snippets along the way, the GOOD and the bad, this will seem overly dramatic. I am not about to break and I'm not crying. I'm just tired of being frustrated. Tired of feeling like I may explode into a screaming fit of my own. Having Kyan is like wagging a bomb around. It will blow. It's just a matter of when, not if. Sometimes you diffuse it, crisis-averted. Other times, BOOM! I feel like the walking wounded. Just keep losing parts of my sanity (and my cool) every time he blows and I don't ever get put back together quite the way I was before. It is unsettling. I am praying that I become a better mother to him. I am praying that I don't mirror his irrational explosions with one of my own. I remind myself that I am an adult, and that I should be able to keep from losing it with him. I remind myself that perhaps the apple hasn't fallen too far from the proverbial tree, and maybe my own gene pool is to blame for all of this misery. I try. I do. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. But this feels more like a treadmill than a marathon and I want OFF. I don't want to check out of motherhood, but I do want to check out of the misery that comes with all of this volatility. God help me do it better tomorrow.

Perspective

2011-03-10T21:49:00.002-05:00

There are many ways to get a grip. Many things that can help you get a real, appropriate perspective on things. Sometimes its a process. Others it hits you between the eyes like a 2 X 4. I had the latter experience today. I posted today and encouraged you to read a blog post from a guy (his wife) that I knew growing up. Not a dear friend, but a dear sweet family. So what perspective, you ask?

Well, to be FULLY honest, I have been dealing with a load of bitterness over the last 5 years. It wasn't instant but it has grown, and seethed. Just bubbling beneath the surface ready to explode. And explode I have, repeatedly. My life long I have never had a long fuse, but honestly never in my life have I been as chronically angry as I have over the last 2 yrs. Autism tried to steal every ounce of joy in me, and honestly it has won more than not. This is not what I signed up for. Triplets is hard enough. Autism was more than I can manage. It has taken a major toll on us all. Through out this, I have been determined to fight. I am a never-say-die scrapper. Have been my whole life. I fight. It's what I do. It's my nature. So when I heard Autism, my instinct was to fight. And we did, and have and do. We have done everything humanly possible to help them. Recovery. It's been my mantra. "Losing the diagnosis", my goal. Complete healing. That's what I wanted and I ordered it like a sandwich on the menu. It's what I wanted, I was willing to do my part of the work for it, so bring on that healing. And we have experienced no shortage of healing. My babies have exceeded everyone's expectations. Kynsie is reading on an almost 3rd grade level (yeah, she's in pre-school). Her IQ is up 35 points from the last testing. She tests crazy high in language. She is a favorite at school and is just a rock star. So I went into her "re-evaluation" meeting ready for that "sandwich". I wanted to hear that she no longer tests on the Autism spectrum. She is "typical", now. That's what I ordered. Problem is, it's not reality.

Reality is, she has Asperger's. Light years away from traditional Autism, but still not "normal" either. I didn't like the answer, but you know truth when you hear it. And for the first time, I have come to a place where I realize acceptance is required. I have long felt that accepting the reality of the kids' delays would mean quitting on them, and as I said, I don't quit. It's not in my nature. In fact, it's as unnatural as it comes for me. Over the last week, I have come to realize that this thorn may be in our sides forever. Everyone has a cross to bear and maybe this is it. I have kicked, screamed, fought, cried, seethed, raged...you name it, but I have not ever accepted it. I wasn't in denial, just didn't want to let my babies down by giving in. Some how I am seeing, just since the meeting Tuesday, that I am going to have to accept this reality for what it is, part of our life period. It's not going away. They are improving, dramatically, and will go on to lead VERY "normal" lives. College, marriage, jobs...even regular kindergarten is in the plans, but there will be challenges and the sooner I face that, look it in the face and really see it, the better. Honestly I could not be more exhausted from fighting. I don't know how to explain it entirely. I'm not bailing on an of the treatments we are doing, and I am not surrendering hope. I'm just done having my tantrum. I'm done trying to get my way. I'm to worn out to keep it up.

I've spent so much precious time angry. Angry over all we've lost, all we've suffered, all they have missed, will miss, might miss. Bitterness will eat you alive. I have recognized this bitterness for months now, but have felt little ability to do anything to remedy it. I still don't have an answer for that. But today, I read the blog I posted earlier and couldn't breathe. I sobbed. Tears are burning my eyes now just thinking about the weight of the burden they bear. My heart can only process it in snippets. The pain is too great. I cannot imagine. In absorbing all that is going on with this sweet family, I have realized just how thankful I need to be for Autism/Asperger's. I became acutely aware that my "light and momentary troubles of this world" are truly light and momentary. God has not asked me to bear that cross. I have healthy babies to hug and love, and I am bitter because things just haven't gone the way I wanted them to. Perspective. I got a big, FAT dose of it this week, and I needed it. I have been praying about the anger and bitterness for months now. I am hoping today was a turning point for my spirit. God knows I needed it.

Pray for the Krull family. Pray for Lucy

PRAY FOR THIS BABY

2011-03-10T10:52:00.001-05:00

i know i am an absentee blogger. I doubt seriously anyone even checks here anymore for updates, but for this little girl Lucy, I hope some of you do. Erik is a guy I went to school with. He has a sweet little girl in desperate need of a miracle.

http://erikandkatekrull.blogspot.com/

you all have prayed me through some very tough patches. pray for this sweet, broken family.

Career Barbie

2011-02-10T10:15:00.003-05:00

Ok, so not so much barbie, as career mom. Started my new job as a team member of a local State Farm agent on Jan 10, and found myself thrown into the deep end rather quickly. I took the place of a team member who had been there for 7 yrs, who left suddenly in mid-December. Since she gave no notice, nothing was wrapped up and no one was prepared. Toss in the Holidays for good measure, and everyone was left overwhelmed. When I came in, I had *Some* experience from working in Dad's office, so they threw me into the mix. Everyone was happy to have their work load reduced, but I really only knew enough to be dangerous. This agency is 5 times larger than my dad's, so the volume of work is too. Now I like getting into the mix of things, but I had SO much to learn, and in the mean time the work piled up. I was thrown into the deep end and I could barely dog paddle. On top of that, we could NOT find a babysitter, and I was beginning to freak. Previous babysitters couldn't help. No family help. People from craigslist didn't work out. Referrals didn't work out. I had exhausted all of my contacts and had no prospects. Brandon had to miss work so that I could work. Kids did NOT take my new change in jobs well at all. In fact, Braylen took to 4 weeks of begging not to go to school, throwing himself in the floor and crying once we got there. 4 weeks!

During this time, I was supposed to be studying for state exams for 4 licenses which were required for my employment...on my own time. Those tests are beasts. I had taken them before, and the classes for Life & Health is supposed to be 40 hrs, plus studying. Add another 40 hrs, plus studying for Property & Casualty. Oh, and I forgot to mention I was dealing with a new crop (13 people)of people who were interested in buying Cutie Tooties and hounding me with LOTS of emails, phone calls & requests for information, reports, stats, etc. Since it was already 2011, suddenly everyone needed my 2010 numbers, which meant HOURS of work for me. At one point about 2.5 wks into the melee, I had meltdown. I was on the verge of tears all of the time. One night I just crawled into the bed with Braylen (he was conked out) and just BAWLED. It was awful. They were miserable. I was stressed & miserable. I liked my job, or thought I would eventually, but I began to wonder if I had made the wrong decision. Through out the last 8 months since I decided to sell the store, I have spent a LOT of time praying for guidance. This path has never been clear or simple. Honestly, I have never felt like I knew exactly where I was going, I was just trying to move forward in faith. Taking the proverbial first step, over and over again. As I got into the thick of things in January, I began to wonder if maybe I had screwed up royally. In my heart, I didn't believe I had, but I DEFINITELY FELT like I had.

Did I mention that I began January anxiety/depression meds-free? Yeah...good timing, huh? I had began weaning myself since October b/c I hated the side effects, and honestly didn't know me without them. 7+ years on meds will do that to you. In December, I began taking Seredyn & Amoryn (after much research) into herbal anxiety remedies. I started taking them with current meds, and then weaned off meds. I am happy to say that this has made me feel a lot better physically. And I seem to finally be able to lose some weight. Going to get my work pants altered today! But, I think that was all a lot of change in a short period of time. Thankfully, I am adjusting. And we found a great babysitter. Kids are adjusting. Braylen only threw himself in the floor once this week! I passed my tests and the store is *almost* sold. Just need to sign the contract! So we are now rocking along. I feel like this is a new chapter for us all, and I am enjoying it. It has been hard b/c it has changed my time with my children, but we are making the most of the time we do have together, and the extra income is a HUGE relief. Selling the store will be lifting a huge burden. Mentally, I think I will be healthier, which I have to believe will make me a better mom.

On a side note, this journey has taken an interesting turn. Getting off anxiety meds for me has really lifted a veil. I used to see crises and experience them through this vague numbness. Now it hits me a little harder, so I am FEELing a lot more. I am making a conscious effort to pray through it and try to allow myself to change. I am becoming more aware of the importance and weight of words, what I say, how I say it. Before, I was able to keep that at arms length in an effort to survive. Now, that I'm not so numb, everything feels different. Everything looks different. Its been (and will continue to be) a good thing for me. I am acutely aware that I am a work in progress. In some ways I think the work in this department has been on hold for the last 5 yrs, so there is a good bit of ground to cover. I'm just trying my best not to impede the progress. Will keep you posted, though it may not be as frequently as I did before. :)

Worst.Blogger.Ever.

2011-01-07T22:38:00.003-05:00

It's ok if you've been thinking it. I own it. I know it's true. Life has been bigger than I am, but no news truly is good news. Kids are thriving. Kyan is like a brand new boy. Kynsie & Braylen are reading Level 2 books. All is well. I am so beyond thrilled with their progress. Thank you to everyone who follows us and continues to pray for us and for our kids.

Cutie Tooties is still for sale, and I hope it will move along so I can check it off my list soon. I start a new job working for a local state farm agent on Monday, and honestly, I am looking forward to the change. I will be working 4 days a week, and we are having to get a new babysitter b/c Erin is changing her work schedule. :( We love her, and are praying we can find just the right person to fill her shoes.

Otherwise, there is not a lot to share. I still have a LOT of pics to upload. will try to get back on the blogging wagon.

Sunny :)

MORE PICS

2010-12-19T20:32:00.006-05:00

School Program. We weren't sitting close, so even with zoom, pics not great. Kynsie is a red present, Braylen a reindeer...both front and center. they sang LOUD!

Kyan second snowman from left.

We made GFCF Sugar Cookies, GFCF Chocolate Chip cookies and then yesterday GFCF gingerbread cookies. Super cute bakers!

Catching up

2010-12-19T14:41:00.005-05:00

Like everyone else, this fall has been crazy busy and I have taken a break from blogging. I will try to catch up soon, but for now, some pictures.

So much to post, so little time.

2010-11-14T21:09:00.002-05:00

It's been wild around here lately. I have MANY pictures to post, but have far too much work to do tonight to get them added right now. I have thought so many times of things I needed to post, but have not made the time to do so. For those of you who keep up with us via this blog, I apologize.

First things first. Kids turned 5 on 11/06/10!! 5 years old. No denying they are no longer babies, and that makes a small part of my heart sad. We had lots of festivities for their birthday, including a trip to an indoor water park, and a family birthday party at Mom's house, complete with presents, balloons, and the flu. Yep. the Flu. Not. FUN. BUT, this is the third yr the kids have gotten the flu, and even though they are medically high risk, the sky did not fall. The media wants us to fear the flu, but please remember, we have all had the flu at one time or another. obviously, we didn't get the flu shot, but we are using the influenzinum homeopathic flu vaccine. Braylen had received his first round (out of 6 total rounds) and was diagnosed with the flu the next day. Obviously he had already been exposed. Kynsie was 4 days later and kyan 5 days after Braylen. I filled the Tamiflu prescriptions, but called our Osteopath, Dr. Michael Bernui. He suggested I treat Braylen with homeopathic medicine called Oscillococcinum. I followed his instructions and Braylen was better 20 minutes after the first dose. He had no fever the next day as I continued to give the Oscillo. After his positive flu test on Tuesday, he was completely recovered by Thursday and went to school, and never looked back. Teachers were stunned, but agreed with me that he was definitely 100%. Kyan was sick less than 24 hrs. Kynsie had a worse case adn was sick 4 days, and has a secondary infection now that basically is a yucky cough, no doubt aggravated by her asthma. So, if the flu hits your house, check out Oscillo. Homeopathic flu vaccine and meds obviously shortened the life of the virus significantly.

Other news, Kynsie had an IEP. Nothing but good news! She is no longer on Special Ed roll. That means she is not a special ed student anymore. She is in a regular class, and has OT & speech. She does have 1 hr a wk special ed consult, which means a special ed teachers talks with her teacher to offer suggestions if she is struggling in an area. That is it. She is obviously on track for regular Kindergarten and is excelling in academic skills. She reads well now, which blows my mind. I am buying her level 2 reader books. (Braylen too) Her only real struggle is fine motor, so we are going to be working on that at home and at school. The big issue now is that Knox county special ed beyond pre-k is INCREDIBLY questionable. I have friends who have had the following experiences in different Knox county schools: 1. Autistic son handcuffed by officer at school b/c he was having a fit. There are protocols for this, and handcuffs are NOT a part of it. School did not tell parents. 2. Autistic boy was slapped by a teacher (elementary). 3. Autistic child left in a puddle of urine b/c teacher didn't want to deal with potty-training even though it was in his IEP. 4. Mother of Downs Syndrome child suing Knox cty schools b/c they are not following the law in regards to offering inclusion education for her child.

This is just 6 months of info. I am less than thrilled at the prospect of my children being in that environment, but at this point have no idea what other options we might have. I am looking into a local home school co-op school and a move isn't out of the question, but there are a few hurdles to clear. First, Cutie Tooties has not sold, but I am meeting with yet another potential buyer tomorrow. Please pray. I am really stressed about it and have really questioned my decision, even though I believe I made the right choice. Just really hoping it sells. I have applied for a job to be a crisis pregnancy counselor for Bethany Chrsitian Services. I am not sure I am totally qualified, but I believe I would LOVE the job.

Brandon has applied for a couple of jobs within State Farm, but has not been offered an interview as of yet. So the limbo continues. Prayers for our future and peace in the present are greatly appreciated. More to come soon, including loads of pictures.

playing catch up with pictures part 3

2010-10-23T14:41:00.004-05:00

We took the kids to Boo @ the Zoo and they LOVEd it! We had a really great time.

playing catch up with pictures part 2

2010-10-23T14:22:00.005-05:00

Last week we took the kids to pick apples & pumpkins at a local fruit and berry patch! It was great!

finding Apples

Got one! They were perfectly Kid-sized.

Playing Catch Up with Pictures part 1

2010-10-23T13:52:00.005-05:00

A few weeks ago we took the kids to the Gatlinburg Ripley's Aquarium with the local Chapter of Autism Society of America. We had a great time!

They crawled into a standing space that puts them in the middle of a circular aquarium. Obviously they loved it!

This picture just gives me the heeby-jeebies!!

A Saw Fish! Eeek! Look at that mouth. He's resting on the top of the clear tunnel we were walking through.

Pengiuns were funny! They were just dying to get through the glass to the people!

Outside with Sharkie

The History & Potential Causation for Autism

2010-10-20T10:33:00.001-05:00

Homeopathic Flu Vaccine & Immune Booster Available

2010-10-19T15:03:00.002-05:00

I am ordering these for customers and for my family.

the influenzinum info is here: http://www.homeocan.ca/data/produit/134_en.pdf
The cost is $15 per vaccine. they recommend using it with Thymo an immune booster-http://www.homeocan.ca/data/produit/133_en.pdf It is also $15. So total for both $30, which is comparable to a flu shot in cost without nasty side effects.

You can order them together or separately. Kids get 1/2 of adult dose. So 2 kids would need 1 $15 vaccine. I am placing the order Wednesday. To order yours call my store: 865-249-7012. We just ask that you pre-pay so that we don't over order. I will be taking these and giving them to my kids. We have already used (and carry) some of their other products--Kids Relief Homepathics, and have had good results.

How to Protect Yourself from the Flu & the Dangerous Flu Vaccine

2010-10-15T10:47:00.003-05:00

This is from Dr. Josh Axe's Website.

Autumn is in the air. The cool, crisp air, football games, falling leaves, pumpkins and of course the signs sprouting up everywhere advertising the ‘flu vaccine.’ And while autumn, winter, and the flu seem to go hand in hand there are steps you can take right now to protect yourself and loved ones from getting the flu this year. But beware – the flu vaccine isn’t the answer.

Influenza or the ‘flu’ as we call it is a contagious respiratory infection that is spread through coughing, sneezing, talking, or even touching surfaces contaminated with influenza. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) each year 24,000 people die from flu related complications.

(It’s important to note that this is the first year the CDC decreased its usual report of 36,000 people annually to 24,000. In their report Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, the CDC admitted to exaggerating these numbers for the past years and now says that 24,000 is a more accurate number. Food for thought.)

According to the CDC, flu symptoms can include any or all of the following:
Fever
Cough
Sore throat
Runny nose
Body aches
Fatigue
Headaches

The CDC, doctors, pharmacists, and drug stores promote the flu vaccine as the key way to avoid the flu and suffering from these uncomfortable symptoms. What you must know is that the flu vaccine has never been proven to ward off the flu or decrease its severity. When you get the flu vaccine you risk dangerous side effects too. In fact, some of these nasty side effects are much more to worry about than the flu.
Of even greater concern is that recent studies indicate that the flu vaccine is even less effective in the group it’s most pushed on who suffer the highest death rates from the flu – senior citizens.

According to Lisa Jackson, a doctor at the Group Health Center for Health Studies in Seattle, her research revealed that there was no difference in pneumonia deaths between seniors who got the flu vaccine and those who didn’t get one. Pneumonia is the number one complication that causes flu related deaths, particularly in senior citizens.

As medical researcher Neil Z. Miller states in his book Vaccines, Are They Really Safe & Effective?: Every year, health officials must guess which strains of the flu will circulate throughout society. When they guess right, and their vaccine contains flu strains matching that year’s circulating flu, the shot is about 35% effective in preventing that year’s flu in the elderly. When they guess wrong, the vaccine offers NO protection against the flu.

The flu vaccine is not just ineffective in seniors; it’s also never been proven to work in most of the population. But that hasn’t stopped the huge push for everyone to get one. In fact in an article published in the Wall Street Journal on August 25, 2010, it was reported that the U.S. government plans to spend $2 billion to produce between 160 million and 165 million doses of flu vaccines this year alone. This is more than ever before and part of the plan is to make these vaccines available faster than ever before.

Expediting millions of vaccines at increasingly faster rates is something that concerns me. With so much controversy already surrounding vaccines, including this year’s flu vaccine, it’s scary to think that the already limited testing for safety and side effects will become even more limited working under time pressures.

The CDC is now recommending that anyone older than six months (without extenuating circumstances) get the flu vaccine. This is simply a bad idea. First, it’s vital for you to know just what’s in the standard flu vaccine this year. You may be surprised. Next step is to make your own decision regarding the flu shot; don’t just jump on this bandwagon.
Seasonal Flu Vaccine: Do You Really Know What You’re Getting?
Despite the lack of evidence to support the effectiveness of the flu vaccine, the push to get one is the strongest it’s been in years. But what many unknowing consumers may find surprising is exactly what this seasonal flu shot contains.

First and foremost let’s go back one year ago to the panic that swept the nation in regards to swine flu and then the swine flu vaccine. Many people were experiencing severe side effects from this vaccine and there was concern about its safety.

Well guess what? This year’s standard flu shot contains that same swine flu vaccine, H1N1. It also contains the H3N2 vaccine which is a variation of the seasonal flu, and the influenza B vaccine. But that’s not all you’ll get. Vaccines come with mercury, formaldehyde, heavy metals, and other dangerous toxins. In fact mercury from vaccines is theorized to cause autism in children.

And while countries like Australia, Sweden, and Finland have banned the flu vaccine this year in anyone younger than five years of age, the U.S. continues to push the vaccine. You’re probably wondering why these countries have banned this supposedly safe vaccine? The reasons are side effects, mostly in the young. Severe side effects that young patients experienced after receiving it range from fever spikes to vomiting to narcolepsy. Yes, the H1N1 vaccine poses some serious concerns – and remember this is now in every dose of the standard flu shot.

Other serious reactions to the flu shot include life-threatening allergies to vaccine ingredients, as well as Guillain-Barre syndrome (GBS), a severe paralytic disease.

And these aren’t the only countries voicing concern over this years flu shot. As a result of concerns in European countries over the H1N1 vaccine, the European Union is now investigating this potentially dangerous vaccine. I certainly don’t feel safe putting any of this into my body; particularly when there are safe, all natural alternatives for avoiding colds and the flu.

Vaccines & the Immune System
The other major issue with vaccines is that they stimulate the wrong immune response in the body.

Without going into too much detail, our bodies have a TH1 immune response and a TH2 immune response. Vaccines stimulate the TH2 response in the body. This is more like an “emergency immune response.”
By having an immune system that is trained to respond with a TH2 response (which is inflammatory in nature), you then weaken your TH1 response (which is responsible for fighting viruses, parasites and cancer cells).
Staying Flu Free without the Flu Vaccine
There are a number of vital ways to stay flu free this season that won’t put you at risk for any of the potentially dangerous side effects of the flu vaccine. One of the most important immune system boosters is vitamin D. In fact, more and more people in the medical field are finally realizing that vitamin D deficiency can lead to a host of health problems.
Many people in the world are seriously vitamin D deficient. According to Dr. Holick, researcher and author of The Vitamin D Solution, this chronic and serious deficiency leads to osteoporosis, rickets, autoimmune diseases, diabetes, multiple sclerosis and more.
During the winter months, coincidently also the flu months, many people where flu hits the hardest go for weeks on end without any sunlight. Sunlight is one of the best, if not the very best, source of vitamin D. In fact, studies show that when children take vitamin D3, they had lower incidents of flu and asthma attacks.
If you want to protect yourself and your loved ones from the flu this year the first thing to do is avoid the flu shot! Next find a high quality vitamin D3 supplement and start taking it now. I recommend Garden of Life’s RAW D3. Boost your intake of foods high in vitamin C during the winter months too. This can really help to strengthen your immune system and protect you from the flu today and chronic diseases tomorrow. Remember, when it comes to vitamin D, the best source is the sun. Engage in safe sun exposure, eat real foods, back up with vitamin D supplements, get plenty of rest, drink lots of pure water, and you’ll be feeling fine all winter long.

Not So Happy Meal" Part 2

2010-10-13T11:35:00.002-05:00

Vladimir Lenin, King Tut and the McDonald's Happy Meal: What do they all have in common? A shocking resistance to Mother Nature's cycle of decomposition and biodegradability, apparently.

That's the disturbing point brought home by the latest project of New York City-based artist and photographer Sally Davies, who bought a McDonald's Happy Meal back in April and left it out in her kitchen to see how well it would hold up over time.

The results? "The only change that I can see is that it has become hard as a rock," Davies told the U.K. Daily Mail.
She proceeded to photograph the Happy Meal each week and posted the pictures to Flickr to record the results of her experiment. Now, just over six months later, the Happy Meal has yet to even grow mold. She told the Daily Mail that "the food is plastic to the touch and has an acrylic sheen to it."

Davies -- whose art has been featured in numerous films and television shows and is collected by several celebrities -- told The Upshot that she initiated the project to prove a friend wrong. He believed that any burger would mold or rot within two or three days of being left on a counter. Thus began what's become known as "The Happy Meal Art Project."

"I told my friend about a schoolteacher who's kept a McDonald's burger for 12 years that hasn't changed at all, and he didn't believe me when I told him about it," Davies told us. "He thought I was crazy and said I shouldn't believe everything that I read, so I decided to try it myself."

Some observers of the photo series have noted that the burger's bun appears at different angles, and therefore aired suspicions that the Happy Meal may not in fact be as "untouched" as the project's groundrules stipulate. Davies says there's a simple explanation for the mobile-bun effect. "The meal is on a plate in my apartment on a shelf," she says, "and when I take it down to shoot it, the food slides around. It's hard as rock on a glass plate, so sure, the food is moving."

Click image to see more photos of the unchanging Happy Meal
Photo courtesy of Sally Davies
Davies' friend was the person who should have done the additional research. Wellness and nutrition educator Karen Hanrahan has indeed kept a McDonald's hamburger since 1996 to show clients and students how resistant fast food can be to decomposition.

As for Davies, she said that she might just keep her burger and fries hanging around for a while as well.

"It's sitting on a bookshelf right now, so it's not really taking up any space, so why not?" she said. It ceased giving off any sort of odor after 24 hours, she said, adding: "You have to see this thing."

In response to Davies' project, McDonald's spokeswoman Theresa Riley emailed The Upshot a statement defending the quality of the chain's food. Riley's email also blasted Davies' "completely unsubstantiated" work as something out of "the realm of urban legends."

"McDonald's hamburger patties in the United States are made with 100% USDA-inspected ground beef," Riley wrote. "Our hamburgers are cooked and prepared with salt, pepper and nothing else -- no preservatives, no fillers. Our hamburger buns are baked locally, are made from North American-grown wheat flour and include common government-approved ingredients designed to assure food quality and safety.

According to Dr. Michael Doyle, Director, Center for Food Safety at the University of Georgia, 'From a scientific perspective, I can safely say that the way McDonald's hamburgers are freshly processed, no hamburger would look like this after one year unless it was tampered with or held frozen.'"

War on Bullying: One Teacher's Battle

2010-10-12T14:20:00.003-05:00

This is an article from our local paper.

At the end of every school year, I look back at what I learned and make plans for a new crop of students in the fall. I can always find something to tweak or improve, and when I looked around my classroom in May, I knew without a doubt what my focus would be for 2010-11.
And so, for the last eight weeks, I have declared war on bullying in my classroom. Lest you think I actually permitted bullying last year, rest assured I did not. I just vowed this year to take a zero-tolerance stance on it and not let up until I got what I wanted.
Let me be clear: I'm not talking about physical contact between students; I'm talking about the verbal abuse they can dish out by the truckload. I hear it in the hallways, in the lunchroom, before school and after school.
It comes in so many forms. It passes as joking; it looks like flirting. It sounds like friends giving each other a hard time. It has the feel of two people teasing each other, all in fun. But I've been around teenagers long enough to know that good-natured ribbing can go from funny to fighting in a heartbeat.
So this year, all that kind of negative talk is forbidden. I try to address every "Shut up!" or "That's stupid!" or "You're dumb!" that I hear in Room 406. We're learning that if we can't say something nice, our lips aren't moving. Some classes get it, and some classes struggle.
At times, we have to conduct class in complete silence because moving mouths cause trouble. I will admit there are days I have to abandon the lesson and practice the correct way to speak to one another, the polite way to disagree, the kind way to correct a classmate.
Yes, the kids hate Ms. Kuhens' "positive peer interaction practice" where we turn to one another and make kind statements like, "Your polo looks positively smashing today!" or "Yes, I would love to loan you my notes from yesterday!"
But despite the eye-rolling, the students have met my expectations and some days even exceed them. They correct one another and remind those who slip to "encourage, don't discourage." There is something powerful about stepping back and watching students monitor one another and do so in a positive way, with polite reminders to stay in line.
At times I wonder if this is wasting teaching time. I'll admit I dislike stopping my lesson for something I feel the students should know by now. But there is some truth behind the words, "They don't know it if we don't teach it." So I do.
Fulton High School English teacher Olivia Kuhens is a freelance contributor to the News Sentinel. She may be contacted at features@knoxnews.com.

My thoughts on the topic:

While I completely appreciate this teacher's effort and work, and hope others will also follow suit, I think it *must* be said that much of this bullying is a reflection of failure to teach and model kindness, respect, empathy, & human decency to our children as parents. If my child is a bully, it is largely my fault. ...We have hitting and kicking and all matters of unkindness among my children, but you better believe I am all over it and there are consequences. in short, it is not a teacher's job to show my child how to behave toward others. It's mine. again, kuddos Ms. Kuhens, but also, I'm sorry its necessary. you are right, these kids *should* have learned this by now.

***Feel free to chime in***

Because an Ounce of Prevention is Worth a Pound of Cure!: Yet another reason to breastfeed.

2010-10-11T14:38:00.002-05:00

Borrowed from another blog.

My Breast Cancer: Why I Won’t Race for the Cure

Last weekend, on the eve of Breast Cancer Awareness month and, coincidentally, the five year anniversary of my being diagnosed with bilateral (both sides) breast cancer, I put on my running shoes and got myself down to a 10k race here in Georgia where I now live. It was not a race for the “cure,” nor any race with breast cancer attached to its name. It was just a race for fun. But for me, a young survivor, it had everything to do with breast cancer and more.

Danielle, wearing BfB's Miracle Isn't the Bra tank, after the race, click here to order!
You see, I love to run. In fact, I have been running since I was 19. I ran the NYC Marathon at 22. I ran to rejuvenate my body after having babies. I ran through chemotherapy. I ran soon after my double breast reconstruction. Running is my Sunday morning church and the one constant in my lifelong struggle to feel well. In between an endless parade of visits to doctors and specialists in the quest to pinpoint a lifelong battle with why I simply feel lousy more days than not, I run.

But I will not run, race, or even walk for the “Cure.”

Please don’t misunderstand. I am grateful for the enormous advances in breast cancer treatment that freed me from a dire fate, and grateful to the millions of women and family members who perished, suffered or lost loved ones to this horrid disease, and have fought for increased funding for research and treatment. But in an era when premenopausal breast cancer, as well as many other serious diseases, are on the rise, it is simply unacceptable to me to push the “the cure” without at least an equal emphasis on PREVENTION. It is unacceptable to me to not do more to stem this growing epidemic and to prevent more victims from being claimed in the first place.

Having lived through this ordeal at age 37 with a 2 and 5 year old at home, I am not afraid to take this position: the Cure is not enough; we need both treatment AND prevention. And that means awareness and action beyond the monthly self-exam for breast cancer, regular visits to the doctor, and yearly mammograms (which are more properly classed as detection than prevention). It means an unrelenting focus on ensuring and educating about real food (whole, unprocessed, organic, fresh and local at best), clean air, clean water, toxin-free products for home and body, and exercise among other things, and it includes emphasizing the miracle milk that jump starts it all! The evidence is clear that breast tissue is less susceptible to aberrations if you exclusively breastfeed: Breastfeeding is associated with a lower risk (a whopping 59%!!) of breast cancer in women who have a family history of the disease and at least a 28% reduction for those without one (me). And it lowers your breastfed baby girl’s lifetime risk getting breast cancer by 25% ! Sadly, millions of people have never even heard of this. Public service campaigns are often outmarketed by industries that are driven by the need to increase profits for shareholders, not by an interest in advancing health. Even more sad that we live at a time when more moms than ever want to breastfeed (86%)– many motivated by wanting to protect themselves and their children from the myriad diseases and conditions linked with non-breastfeeding — but are being prevented from succeeding by the Booby Traps.

Full page ad appeared in USA Today on June 25, 2010
We started BFB because we recognized the need for a mainstream Cause that is concerned with helping people to THRIVE, not just SURVIVE once a sister is already down! We saw the need for a complement to the Cure in a Cause focused on investing in and promoting healthy living and healthy decisions as PREVENTATIVE. And since the bedrock foundation of human health, the “Prevention Under Our Noses” is mom’s miracle milk, we founded the Mother of All Causes!

So I did my first race to Beat the Booby Traps last weekend, under the banner of Best for Babes and breastfeeding, and took my first public step toward putting prevention first! I was wearing our tshirt replica of “The Miracle Isn’t the Bra” public service advertisement that appeared in USA Today this June . . .the message being that “the miracle is YOU, BABE and the miracle milk only moms can make, whether it’s for their own or another’s baby” It’s also the experience you just can’t bottle. It felt wonderful to be broadcasting that empowering message about the super- power of moms.

Click to order!
The race was my coming out, my break with the past and the silence that has kept me from sharing my story with a larger audience. It has simply been too overwhelming and too painful to write. I have had lots of time in the last 5 years to ponder “Why? Why me? How did this happen to me?” But as I strode proudly down that street , the blue sky and sun beaming down on me, I was no survivor. I was a THRIVER, paving the way for others to aim higher, expect more, settle for less.

I am challenging all moms who wanted to breastfeed and were prevented from achieving their personal breastfeeding goals to join us in our race to Beat the Booby Traps. Watch us closely in the coming months as we break barriers and ribbons across the nation in the name of informed decision making, breastfeeding, thriving, and prevention! If you are a breast cancer survivor or have been affected by this terrible disease, I hope you will stand next to me shoulder to shoulder to demand focus on PREVENTION, and to protect the right of all parents to make informed decisions and achieve their personal breastfeeding goals, whether that is for 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years. I hope you will stand next to me shoulder to shoulder to demand access to the next best substitute: screened, donated, pasteurized human milk from an HMBANA registered milk bank for parents who can not or do not want to breastfeed. It’s time we got the focus off of “surviving” and onto THRIVING. And it starts with the Miracle of Mom’s Milk. Together we can save lives!

5 PT HARNESS

2010-10-05T13:28:00.002-05:00

this is not new news, but its worthy of repeating. a 5 pt harness car seat is hands down the safest way to secure your child in a vehicle. A rearfacing child is SIGNIFICANTLY safer than a forward facing child, even if the child's legs are bent while rearfacing. we kept our kids rearfacing until after age 2, and I sometimes wish we had waited even longer. We just put a DVD player in the back so they could watch movies during long car rides. We played their music for day to day travel and had no problems. If the child doesn't know any better, rear facing is a non-issue for the kiddo.

My kids will be in a 5 pt harness until 80lbs. There are several car seats that allow bigger kids to still have a 5 pt harness instead of a booster. Check out this blog for good info.

An Important Message

2010-10-01T10:26:00.005-05:00

Regardless of your beliefs or persuasion, or perhaps because of them, it is important to acknowledge the bullying crisis in our country among teens & young adults. If you do not agree with a certain lifestyle for any reason, particularly as a result of your personal faith, it is critical not to be hateful, degrading, or unkind to others. There is NOTHING in Biblical scripture that would encourage any person to bully another. In fact, scripture is quite clear that the contrary is true. We MUST love one another. We must uplift one another.

John 13:34 , John 15:12, Romans 13:9, 1 Peter 4:8

The last one is my favorite. 1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Thoughts from the Inside

2010-09-29T09:56:00.004-05:00

So it came to my attention last May that my kids attend an "inner city" school. Honestly, I had never given it any thought, and didn't realize it bore that label. I do like my kids' school, as far as public schools go. I hate the system, but that is another story for another day.

Anyway...certainly people shy away from inner city schools, which I guess is understandable. That label brings words like danger, violence, metal detectors, unsafe, & drugs, to my mind. We haven't experienced those things. Just the same, I might feel differently in a different place. In this place, I do not feel threatened. It actaully worked in our favor. People don't flock to this school for the Governor's Pre-k program like they do to the nice, new facility out west. As a result, Braylen got accepted to the program, where he probably wouldn't have if there had been high numbers and a waiting list. Their loss. Our gain!

One thing that an inner city tends to offer that is unique in our part of the country is cultural diversity. Like a Colors of Benetton ad, my kids' classrooms are, well colorful. Personally, I like this. I want our kids to know that everyone doesn't look like us, and that is good and normal. Until recently, I was pretty sure my kids didn't even notice the differences. They were color blind. But a couple of conversations with Braylen recently shed some light on this subject and it seems worth sharing. He was talking about school and I asked who he played with. He said a few names and then"Tyrus" who is a friend he mentions often. What he said next caught me off guard. Thoughtfully Braylen said, "Tyrus...he has a brown face". I just said "yes." and he moved right on chattering about his day.

On another day in my store, Braylen brought me a toy that we sell at Cutie Tooties.

The carrot has a tag with the picture below on it.

The tag explains that the carrot is made as a part of the 13 villages project. Here's the blurb:

The '13 Villages Project' is a campaign co-conducted by Under the Nile and its Farm in Egypt (Sekem). It takes place in 13 rural villages in Sharkeya, Egypt. Through vocational training and infrastructural development, the project is improving the health, skills and overall well being of the village inhabitants. We provide excellent health care as well as education on dental and over all physical health. We begin by educating the villagers on how to make our fruit and vegetable toys. Each village receives an advance for their work and the materials needed to produce that toy. Upon completion, we pick up the finished goods and pay them fair wages for their work. We are very excited to see the end result. Happy, educated, and healthy human beings.
***Back to the story***
Braylen hands it to me and says, "Look Mom. It's Miss Saimah's picture". Well, it isn't a picture of Miss Saimah. She is Kyan's teacher. BUT it IS a picture of women wearing head coverings. Miss Saimah wears a head covering, I believe as a part of her religious faith. Regardless of reason, it turns out that Braylen noticed afterall. He found a picture and tried to generalize the part that he didn't understand. But in both of these cases there is something more important that he didn't do. He didn't look at something that is different as somehow inferior, negative, or frightening. He did his best to observe and process the difference, and then went along with life. This showed me something interesting and even frightening about children and human nature. Hate is learned. Taught, even, be it intentional or by behavior modeling. Children do not enter this world immediately hating what they don't understand or what is different from them. We teach them too. Swallow that for a moment.

Could it be that we actually teach hatred, distrust, & bigotry? I'm afraid to tell you, the proof is in the pudding, folks. I will grant you that this little study of mine lacked some scientific validity, but I am not so sure that you couldn't replicate it with your own children.

So what is the take home message here? I think, for me, it is to try my hardest to cultivate that kindness and acceptance of others in my children. Is it my hope that my children become Muslim? Well, as a Christian, of course not. But it is my hope that they love other people with the love of Christ, especially when they are different. We know all about being different in our house. Square pegs in a round hole world. My hope is that as for my house, we will do our best to love others as Christ instructed us too. When we are scared, may we give that to God. When we don't understand, I HOPE & PRAY we will ask questions, do a little research and dig for the truth, rather than giving in to ignorance and dismissing, or worse, hating any and everything we can't make sense of. God knows there is more than enough ignorance and hate to go around in this world. God help us not to contribute to it in any way.

Going to the Chapel

2010-09-29T09:43:00.002-05:00

Uncle Jonathan and Kristi got married 2 weeks ago in Mississippi and the kids were a part of the celebration. It was stressful, but we got through it. Kids LOVED visiting with family and enjoyed dressing up for the occasion. Will get Brandon to post a video another time, but for now, here are a few pics.

Kyan in between meltdowns. This was as good as it was going to get.

Sis in her "princess dress"

So stinkin cute!!

About to go. 2 mins before time to walk Kyan said "I'm not doing it". In no small amount of panic, I ran and got their water bottles and passed them out, while bribing everyone with smarties. Lucky for me, this worked. Kyan cried and ran down the aisle. Braylen was happy enough, a bit shy, and I guess he ran too. There are no pics of them in action.

Kynsie wasn't sure where to go or what to do as they didn't get to run through it at the rehearsal, so I had to coax her down the aisle. She kept looking at me & saying loudly "Look! I'm doing it!" as she tossed her petals!

Autism Group Wants Apology From Angle

2010-09-27T09:23:00.001-05:00

I would like to tell Ms. Angle exactly where she can stick her "air quotes".

Republican Accused Of Insulting Autistic Americans
LAS VEGAS — The national Autistic Self Advocacy Network on Friday called for Nevada GOP Senate candidate Sharron Angle to apologize for a statement she made regarding health care and autism treatment.
Video of Angle speaking at a 2009 Tea Party rally surfaced this week. In it the former state legislator slams Democratic health care policies.
“You’re paying for things that you don’t even need, they just passed the latest one is every, everything they want to throw at us now is covered under autism, so that’s a mandate that you have to pay for,” she said, making air quotes around the word “autism.”
The Nevada Democratic Party posted a video of the speech on YouTube.
“We’re concerned by the Angle campaign’s claim that individuals and families ‘falsely label other symptoms as autism’ in order to take advantage of insurance mandates,” the ASAN said in a statement. “Lack of insurance coverage for habilitative services, such as occupational therapy and speech pathology services, is a barrier to the civil rights of autistic Americans both young and old.”
The controversy surrounding Angle’s comment has gained steam in the past 48 hours. A report in the Las Vegas Sun noted that a voter was ignored by Angle after asking her about the comment during a candidate forum on Thursday night.

Autism Group Wants Apology From Angle

Semantics: Who Knew Using the Wrong Word Could Be So Costly?

2010-09-15T09:14:00.002-05:00

Believe it or not, I have no words. The stupidity speaks for itself.

Vaccines, Autism and Brain Damage: What's in a Name?
Sharyl Attkisson, CBS News

Vaccines have saved untold millions of lives, and the vast majority of people who get them suffer no major problems.
But there's a trade-off: occasionally, vaccines cause injury or death. Very rarely, patients are left with what's known as "encephalopathy", the medical term for brain damage.

In fact, CBS News has found nearly 1,300 cases in which vaccine-related brain damage has been compensated in court over the past 20 years.
The debate over any links between vaccines and autism - a behavior problem triggered by brain damage - couldn't be more contentious. The great majority of medical opinion holds that vaccines don't cause autism. However, many of the same experts don't dispute that vaccines can, in rare instances, cause brain damage.

Family to Receive $1.5 Million + in First-Ever Vaccine-Autism Court Award
Learning From a Previous Vaccine-Autism Case

Our examination of federal vaccine court decisions over the years reflects this. Children who end up with autistic symptoms or autism have won vaccine injury claims over the years-as long as they highlighted general, widely-accepted brain damage; not autism specifically. But when autism or autistic symptoms are alleged as the primary brain damage, the cases are lost.

That doesn't make sense to families who see autism as a specific form of encephalopathy. But it makes perfect sense to the University of Pennsylvania's Dr. Brian Strom, who has served on Institute of Medicine panels advising the government on vaccine safety. He says the prevailing medical opinion is that vaccines are scientifically linked to encephalopathy, but not scientifically linked to autism.

"The fact that a person suffers autism and encephalopathy does not mean that the vaccine caused both of them," says Dr. Strom. "Even if it caused the encephalopathy, that may or may not have been the cause of the autism--those are two different questions."

Still, some families who believe vaccines caused autism in a loved one are circulating these words of advice: use "encephalopathy" in vaccine court and you're more likely to win. Argue "autism" and you're sure to lose.
"I purposely avoided mentioning 'autism' in the claim," says the attorney for a child diagnosed with brain damage and autism after her DTaP vaccination at 18 months. The lawsuit alleged only encephalopathy. "Using (the child's) autism diagnosis would have dragged out the lawsuit for years. The point wasn't to try to win the autism debate, it was to get this family the compensation they need to take care of their injured child." They promptly won a significant award.

Sharyl Attkisson's 2007 Report on Michelle Cedillo
The case of Michelle Cedillo, now 16, couldn't have turned out more differently. Her autism claim was a "test case" in federal vaccine court. If she'd won, it could have opened the floodgate for thousands more vaccine-autism claims to be paid. Michelle's attorney argued that an MMR shot on Dec. 20, 1995 directly caused her severe autism. But the federal vaccine court couldn't have been firmer in smacking down the claim last year, saying there was no credible proof that vaccines caused her autism. Michelle is also diagnosed with severe encephalopathy. Her mother, Theresa Cedillo, feels they could have won if they had simply based their case on encephalopathy. Mrs. Cedillo doesn't regret her daughter being a landmark autism case, even though they lost. But for future families, she says: "if you want to be compensated, I would say stay away from the 'autism' word."

Since the late 1980's, more than 2,100 families have received compensation for vaccine injuries under the federal program designed to help in rare instances of severe vaccine side effects. And more than half of those awards are for brain injuries.

Total Number of Brain Injury Cases Compensated in Federal Vaccine Court
(as of May 2010 and including the newly-released settlement of the Hannah Poling autism case)
Encephalitis/Encephalopathy: 639
Seizure Disorders: 656
Autism 1*
Total: 1,296
Source: HHS-HRSA (Health and Human Services Health Resources and Services Administration)

*In this case (involving Hannah Polling), though the government conceded before trial, it took the position that vaccines didn't "cause" autism, but rather that the vaccines aggravated an unknown and previously undiagnosed mitochondrial disorder the child had which "resulted" in autism. It's unknown how many other children have similar undiagnosed mitochondrial disorder.

Neither the court nor the government is tracking how many vaccine-brain damage cases involve children who also ended up with autism or autistic-like behavior. When we asked for the statistics, vaccine compensation officials told us: "The government has never compensated, nor has it ever been ordered to compensate, any case based on a determination that autism was actually caused by vaccines. We have compensated cases in which children exhibited an encephalopathy, or general brain disease. Encephalopathy may be accompanied by a medical progression of an array of symptoms including autistic behavior, autism, or seizures."

When we asked why government officials aren't looking for the rate of autism among the brain damage victims who have been given compensation, vaccine compensation officials told us: "Anticipating large numbers of claims, the Court allowed the filing of 'shortform' petitions, but without medical records. As a result, a very small number of the pending 5,000 claims have medical records, making it impossible for us to review and compare commonalities, patterns, or any general trends among all of the petitioners. Over time, we may learn more about patterns of pre-existing conditions and the role vaccines play, if any, in their progression. As we have done in the past, the VICP medical staff will look at the court findings and any new scientific information, and may publish scientific articles as appropriate."

Dr. Brian Strom adds that unless an association between vaccines and autism is scientifically proven, it simply doesn't exist, as far as scientists are concerned. "One can always hypothesize that an exposure is linked to an outcome. The question for science is to prove whether or not that truly occurs more often than one would expect by chance. Absent that, a scientist assumes there is no association. It is analogous to a courtroom, where you are innocent until proven guilty. In science, there is no link, unless or until there are data proving a link."

More information
Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System
Special Federal Vaccine Court
The National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program (VICP)
Vaccine Table of Injuries

Hannah Poling

2010-09-14T14:13:00.003-05:00

In case you've been living under a rock, Hannah Poling, a child who developed typically until 18 mos of age when she received her scheduled vaccinations and regressed into Autism, just got awarded $1.5 Million in damages because our government admits vaccines triggered her autism. But we are being told that this is a RARE case. Seriously? Is dumb A stamped on my forehead? Let's do the math here. Say, just for giggles that 50% of those 1 in 100 kids in America with Autism has vaccine-induced autism. Katie bar the door. It doesn't take a mathematician to figure out that financial awards would add up to a lot more than our national debt. So we all need to believe that it is rare. Forget that fact that most of my friends who have kids with autism ALSO had typically developing children who regressed after vaccines... forget that fact. They are all just liars, looking for someone to blame. Or maybe we are all just money hungry....but wait, only 1% of parents of kids with Autism even file vaccine injury claims. So perhaps its not the money after all. My kids are vaccine injured. Of that I am certain, but I have not filed any claim. I don't want their money. It's like blood money anyway and it can't give back what Autism has stolen, so what do I care about money? ALL I want is for our government and pharmaceutical companies, and jerks like Dr. Paul Offit to be made to TELL THE TRUTH. And I want them to have to say they are sorry for lying, misleading and harming thousands of children in the U.S and abroad with their actions, lies & propaganda. I want them to be made to apologize like I make my 4 yr-olds apologize. Make them be big boys and fess up. Jail time wouldn't hurt my feelings either, but I don't care a bit about their stupid money. I want truth & justice and I want it to be LOUD & HUMILIATING for them. Let's reference Tobacco companies for a moment. For years they promised (even under oath before congress) that cigarettes were not addictive or harmful, and based on scientific evidence, smoking was even good for people. More on that here & here.

So again, big powerful companies with LOTS of money to lose PROMISE that their products are safe and even good for Americans. To drive the point home, tobacco companies hire high end PR firms and spend millions on "good" PR with advertisements. Does any of this sound familiar? If not, take a quick glance in a parents magazine. You will no doubt see an ad recommending that you get a vaccine for yourself, your teenage daughter & now son for HPV, or that you get a DTaP for your baby, and they will equate such actions with love and good parenting. Propaganda in its truest form. Look in your Walgreen's or CVS ad. You will see a very pregnant woman getting a flu shot with a heart tattoo on her arm again suggesting bravery and love for her unborn child. When you don't have the facts behind you, tug at the heart strings. It is a very successful gimmick that even a 3 yr old knows works with parents, yet when it comes from someone in the "medical community" which is a very broad term, I might add, then we buy it hook line and sinker. So, it's a matter of time before these people pay the piper. I simply want to be there when it happens. I want ringside seats. Anyway, onto Hannah Poling and her not so rare vaccine-induced Autism.

$700 Dollar Day & the Most Ridiculous Item of the Day

2010-09-14T09:57:00.006-05:00

Last Wednesday was a $700 day! What does that mean? Any guesses? What can you do with $700? Car payment (eek! or 2, I hope) Pay rent? Buy LOTS & LOTS of clothes? Groceries for a month? Well, let me show you what we got for $700. This is only the first part of that $700, so truthfully this picture represents $400. Pocket change.

What you see here are doctor's orders for blood work for Kyan & Kynsie. Those boxes are urine test kits. The bottles are supplements that are already part of our daily regimen. Not pictured is the 1 hr phone call with Dr. Bernui. Yeah, that wasn't cheap.

The new action plan involves only small changes for Braylen & Kynsie. For Kyan, there are several new steps. First chelation. I anxious to see whatcomes out in his urine. I wonder if it will show heavy metals like thimerosal (a known neurotoxin) that is supposedly so safe for babies. If so, if he purges this lovely heavy metal, I am sure it won't effect his body or brain at all, because again, according to "experts" it is totally safe, good even to inject infants with a known neurotoxin.

Side Bar--here's the part of this article that I find more than a little ridiculous. OK, lets look at the toxicology of thimerosal for a moment. I simply got this from Wikipedia but it serves as a nice starting point:

Toxicology
Thimerosal is very toxic by inhalation, ingestion, and in contact with skin (EC hazard symbol T+), with a danger of cumulative effects. It is also very toxic to aquatic organisms and may cause long-term adverse effects in aquatic environments (EC hazard symbol N).[9] In the body, it is metabolized or degraded to ethylmercury (C2H5Hg+) and thiosalicylate.[3]

Few studies of the toxicity of thimerosal in humans have been performed. Cases have been reported of severe poisoning by accidental exposure or attempted suicide, with some fatalities.[10] Animal experiments suggest that thimerosal rapidly dissociates to release ethyl mercury after injection; that the disposition patterns of mercury are similar to those after exposure to equivalent doses of ethyl mercury chloride; and that the central nervous system and the kidneys are targets, with lack of motor coordination being a common sign. Similar signs and symptoms have been observed in accidental human poisonings. The mechanisms of toxic action are unknown. Fecal excretion accounts for most of the elimination from the body. Ethyl mercury clears from blood with a half-life of about 18 days in adults. Ethyl mercury clears from the brain in about 14 days in infant monkeys. Inorganic mercury metabolized from ethyl mercury has a much longer clearance, at least 120 days; it appears to be much less toxic than the inorganic mercury produced from mercury vapor, for reasons not yet understood.[11]

Vaccinations from http://dmsachelation.com/autism/
Vaccinations are the #1 mercury exposure in infants, and the #2 exposure in adults.
25% of vaccines today still contain mercury.
Flu shots still contain mercury.
When mercury is removed from flu shots, it is replaced with other heavy metals such as aluminum and formaldehyde.

Mercury is used as a preservative in vaccinations. Vaccinations are currently a hot topic of debate with some parents linking autism to vaccinations. Flu shots contain mercury also, as a preservative. According to the EPA the average child can tolerate 0.3 micrograms of mercury. Note that a 2 month old infant receiving all 4 scheduled vaccinations (DtaP, Polio, Hib, Hepatitus B) will have a mercury level of 62.5 micrograms, 125 times higher than the EPA ’safe’ level.

In spite of the known dangers, and in spite of what many docs say--that vaccines are now thimerisol free, the CDC lets us know that thimerisol is still routinely used as a preservative in childhood vaccines. Here is a link that shows you which ones still contain thimerisol. So yah, I'm a little angry, but what else is new?

So sidebar over. Chelation. We are going to do chelation, and maybe nothing will show, but I am anxious to see what comes of it. Kyan's blood work from July indicates that he may have a chronic, low-lying viral infection. So antivirals will be on board once we do the initial chelation challenge. We are upping everyone's B12 shots to every 2 days instead of every 3, primarily because Kyan does SO well the day after a B 12 shot, and then goes backward until the next shot. He seems to really be benefiting from them, so we are increasing the frequency. Kynsie & Braylen's doses will increase due to weight gain. We are adding Lugol's Iodine Solution to help with thyroid function. Adding Vit D 3. We will continue anti-fungals for all 3. I think that is basically it. The remaining $300+ was the pharmacy bill for the chelators, Lugol's & antifungals for all 3. Yeah, none of that covered by insurance. That's our $700 dollar day.

Want to show you a couple of videos that are just more explanation than anything.

That statement at the end about kids under 2 receiving mercury-free vaccines is smply untrue. Again, see link above from CDC website. MANY infant vaccines still have some level of thimerisol. Saying a vaccine is mercury-free is like saying a cookie is fat free. Is the cookie truly free of fat?What do you think? What happens if you eat a entire box of snackwell cookies? Do you gain weight? You betcha! There is a cumulative effect. All those little parts of fat add up to big fat in high quantities. Fat-free simply means the cookie (or vaccine...in mercury-free) has the amount the FDA says is ok to be labeled as fat/mercury free. It does NOT mean there is no mercury in it.

the Quiet One

2010-09-10T11:06:00.005-05:00

Obviously, the title doesn't refer to me. I often wish it did. I have long admired my friends who are more quiet, less confrontational, easier to be with. I admire them. For a period in college I tried very hard to be just like one of them. I simply liked her a lot better than I liked me. As you can imagine, it didn't work. Never worked. I have long disliked that about myself. My compulsion to say what I think, when honestly you might not (probably don't) care. Perhaps that is why I blog? In some cases, I just want to prove my point or want to win the argument. Occasionally, I just want to be heard. Don't we all? But when it comes to 2 specific subjects, none of those things drive me.

If you are in my presence for very long more than once, the odds are high that one of two things will come up (if not both) Vaccines & Autism. If you have ears and children, and give me the opportunity, I'm going to talk to you about vaccines. It's controversial, and I know it, but I feel compelled....driven....to tell you what NO ONE TOLD ME. Kids can be harmed from vaccines. It happens everyday, and your kid isn't immune to that risk.

Education is powerful. Education is not the same as blind obedience. Education is not simply swallowing some one's propaganda. Education is not taking another person's word/promise as truth. Education is digging deep and doing the research for yourself. It involves using your God-given brain, your instinct and your reasoning & critical thinking skills. It involves time and effort. You might put in the time and effort and still vaccinate. That is obviously your choice and therefore the consequences are your responsibility. Let me tell you consequences can be hard to live with. And that truth is a driving force in my life. My children suffer because I blindly followed, believed, trusted a doctor. My children suffered at my hands, the result of my choice, my lack of research. Maybe I would have made all of the same choices, had I known then what I know now, but I doubt it. And I wake up to that every morning and go to sleep with it every night. Worse still, my kids wake up with the ramifications of that decision every morning and go to bed with it every night. It effects every facet of our lives. One seemingly small decision had a radical effect on the trajectory of our lives.

So, I am willing to make you uncomfortable and even angry with me if doing so will cause you to simply take pause and consider that there are alternatives to the current vaccine schedule and that there are resources that are not paid for by big pharma companies. You can go and do whatever you want after that, but I feel it is my job to at least tell you our story. I know what we are living with, and I have seen vaccines do FAR more damage than my kids experienced to CHILDREN WHOSE PARENTS I KNOW PERSONALLY. I have done my homework, and I sleep well at night. We have made our choice. It wasn't easy or ideal, but since vaccines screwed our kids' bodies up so badly, it was the only choice to make. You live with your own decisions.

I can't decide for you. All I can do is continue to show evidence, research, studies, data that mainstream news, the CDC, the American Academy of Pediatrics, & vaccine manufacturers are not going to publicize. And I promise you that as long as I draw breath, I will be that clanging gong in the background. That will be me.

So, I hope this might clarify. I'm not looking for a fight. I have more than enough battles on a daily basis. I'm not looking to win. Couldn't care less. If one child is spared the trauma my kids have experienced from vaccines because I was willing to tell their story, it's worth it. The part of me that I have long disliked...that part that can not keep quiet, that feels compelled to speak out against injustice...that part of me refuses to be silent on this matter, perhaps its not so bad after all.

Have a Child with Autism? Want to check out Biomed Tx?

2010-09-08T15:36:00.002-05:00

If you have read any of our blog, you know that my children have made great gains, in no small part as a result of biomedical treatment, being under the care of a DAN! doctor, supplements, anti-fungals, diet, etc. None of these treatments is cheap. I hear parents use this as an excuse not to try these therapies. Well, the grant outlined below will offer your family a chance to get help, free of charge, so at least you can see if it is helpful to your child. If you have a child with Autism and have not tried biomedical intervention, or know someone in that situation, please forward this information to them. This treatment protocol has done wonders for our children.

Generation Rescue is accepting applications for our next grant round! Do you or someone you know have a child with autism and want to start biomedical treatment but are unable to afford it? It's not too late to be part of round 4 starting on SEPTEMBER 15, 2010.

Send in your application by SEPTEMBER 13, 2010 to participate. Generation Rescue is proud to offer a grant program for treatments that may not otherwise be covered privately or by other third-party funding sources such as school districts, county programs, insurance, and/or other grant making entities. And the great news...we are now accepting applications year-round for future rounds of Rescue Family grants!!

Generations Rescue's Rescue Family grants are designed to provide support to individuals and families affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders.

Each grant recipient will receive:-
Two doctor visits with a specially-trained physician who treats autism - a D.O. or M.D.
- Vitamins, minerals and supplements for 90 days
- A Generation Rescue Rescue Mentor- Dietary intervention training

This grant is only applicable for families who have not done biomedical treatment, with the exception of the GF/CF Diet.

Please review the questions provided below. If you can answer YES to any of the following questions, you are NOT eligible to apply.- Has your child seen a DAN! doctor before?- Has your child received private lab testing from Great Plains, Doctors Data, or Metametrix?- Has your child been on anti-fungal or anti-viral therapy?- Does your family make over the median income for your zip code?- Does your child currently take any supplements other than fish oil?

If you or someone you know is interested in applying for the grant, please visit our WEBSITE and fill out all 6 pages of the application.

It's Complicated

2010-09-04T14:08:00.004-05:00

As I was walking out of the kids' school 2 days ago, I passed a father carrying his little girl in. The school is primarily a special needs school, so it was no surprise that his child has visible challenges. I glanced at his daughter and smiled instinctively, as you would passing another parent. He half-smiled and looked down quickly. If I didn't know better, I might have thought he was embarrassed, and might have taken it further and judged him for it. But I do know better. At least I think a do. It is certainly possible that I am reading FAR too much into this quick exchange, but I have a hunch that I am not. I have said it before and I will say it again. Parents of kids with special needs are a tribe of our own. There is a common thread that ties all of us together, and it is struggle.

Each of us has flaws. Our children all have weak spots. We are all vulnerable in one way or another, we simply are savvy enough to hide those vulnerabilities from the rest of the world most of the time. Most kids with special needs wear their vulnerability on the outside. As a result, simply by existing, they are up for inspection by other people. Upon walking (or being carried) into a room, with a quick glance, judgement can be cast, and it can be hard to crawl out from under. This must be hard for a child to bear. Unfair is the word that comes to mind. Such a burden. For parents of these sweet children, it can be agony. We all want our children to be loved. We want them to be accepted, not so much for us, but for them. We don't want to see them struggle, and these kids are already saddled with so much extra struggle that seeing them further burdened by other people is just horrible. Yet another way to twist the knife. Children can be cruel. If you survived middle school, you know that. And odds are, if you are reading this, you are not a special needs adult. So truly, we have no idea what those kids have to endure. Take your worst feeling of rejection, multiply it by 100 and then experience it every day, over and over again. Yeah, that's reality for these kids.

We would love to think that people, at least adults, would have the social skills, maturity and human decency to be kind to those with special needs. The simple fact is, they don't. Please watch this entire video.

As a mom, particularly a mom of children with special needs, watching this video made me feel like knocking someone out. For sure, I would have been on the evening news had I been witness to this sort of thing. It makes me fighting mad. The sad thing is this isn't just a little prank. This is real life for millions of people every day. I hope as you watched that video you are appalled. I hope you got teary. I hope you are angry. But I hope more than anything that you will evaluate your behavior toward special needs kids and their parents. I hope you will have a talk *today* with your children and explain special needs to them as best you can on their level. I hope you will mandate that they treat all other children with kindness and respect and that there will be severe consequences in your home if they don't. I hope you will not laugh at "short bus" jokes, nor permit such talk in your presence. Keep in mind that could be my children on that bus. It could be your child. You have no idea and no control over what lies ahead for your children or grandchildren. Absorb that for a moment. I promise that no one in my shoes walked into parenthood expecting to deal with special needs. We just expect status quo, and are always shocked when reality hits us. I want to make clear that of all of the parents out there, our burden is most definitely LIGHT. Super light. I see the hard stuff in the walls of my children's school and I admire those parents and wonder how they cope. Of course they love their precious children, but I bet every one of them would take an Easy button about now if you offered it.

So let's go back to that dad. I think he looked down out of instinct. If shows like "Lie to me" are to be trusted, we all have tells-involuntary movements or mannerisms that scream what we are feeling or thinking, in spite of what we want the world to know. I think he looked down not because he was ashamed of his daughter, quite the contrary. I think he loves his daughter. He loves her deeply and could not bear to see if I would somehow reject her upon seeing her. It is excruciating to see another person reject your child, even when your child has no idea its happening. You feel angry, furious even. You are mostly hurt, as anger is a secondary emotion, but you are angry nonetheless. You want to keep them in a bubble and protect them from what lies ahead. You promise yourself you will shield them from this rejection all of their lives, but you know this simply isn't possible. Mostly its an aching feeling. Always there in the back of your mind reminding you to worry. Obviously that 2 seconds has weighed on my mind in the last few days. I want to encourage you to pay attention to other people and to your own mannerisms that might convey rejection to someone who is extra vulnerable. Go out of your way to make them feel accepted. Get out of your comfort zone. Be kind without offering pity. Be respectful. Say your prayers. God knows we all need them. But mostly, just pay attention please.

Tomorrow...tomorrow! I love ya, Tomorrow!

2010-09-01T20:34:00.002-05:00

Today stunk it up pretty seriously. When we go into school, we go into a certain door to drop B & Sis off with their teachers. To go in that door means to pass an elevator, which Kyan is TOTALLY PHOBIC about. I mean flips out, runs past and cries if we try to ascend the stairs nearby. PHOBIC. He obsesses about it every morning. So it started again this morning, and we managed to survive walking through the door, but since we were late, we had to take the other 2 to their class before going to Kyan's. He wanted to go in with them, and began crying and running down the hall. He didn't want to go in his class, and threw a fit, and a pencil (across the room, no less). After much crying, snuggling and asking me not to leave, I did leave. I called to check on him 1.5 hrs later, which I never do (because he never flips out like that about being left at school-NEVER EVER). He was fine, and the day went OK. Our babysitter Erin (who we love) picked them up and took them to the playground. Kyan sat in the shade with her...good sign that something is up. She brought them back to my store. Brandon picked them up to take them home. He stopped for gas 2 blocks from our house. Kyan was awake and playing with Brandon through the window as he pumped gas. So imagine his surprise when he got home to find a zonked Kyan. He laid him down and little man took a 1.5 hr nap. He woke up super cranky. Tomorrow he has a day off with me. Here's hoping it goes better than today. None of us wants another day like today with Kyan. He has been so sweet this summer, that all of this drama-hitting, kicking, screaming, fit-throwing is just plain depressing. I hope he evens out soon. Surely we aren't going back down that road again. If so, I need to liquor up quick.

There are Days

2010-08-30T10:33:00.005-05:00

There are days, at least at my house, when Autism plays a mean game of hide and seek. Sometimes he hides for hours (even days) at a time, with not so much as a peep from him. You might even forget he is part of the fabric of your reality. Other days he taunts from behind every corner, couch or chair. Just a quick glimpse and then he's off again. He makes himself known just enough to threaten your sanity.

And then there are days when Autism streaks through the house butt-naked and on fire, and you don't know whether to chase him, stop-drop-& roll, scream your bloody head off, or just cry. Saturday was one of those days for us. It began with a 4 yr check up at the pediatrician's office. Yes, I am aware that my kids are almost 5, but we don't really do checkups with our kids. The last one was at age 2 when our previous pediatrician decided to give me grief about vaccines (even though upon interviewing that office I stated in no uncertain terms that we would NOT be vaccinating, I did not want and would not tolerate lecturing, *educating*, or the implication that I was somehow a bad mother as a result of our experience and choices regarding vaccines. After all, I am more than certain that I have a heck of a lot more personal experience with vaccines than they do. ) So when that showdown began, which incidentally didn't go great for the doc, I made up my mind that it was the last "check up" and concluded that I would be on the hunt for a new pediatrician. So flash forward, we are going to the (new--as in most recent) pediatrician to get this check up, not because I view it as particularly valuable, but rather because public school requires it. I should have had a few shots of vodka or something before we began this little trek.

Kids are totally anxious and very unhappy about being in the waiting room. They are fighting over the toys and unhappy that they can't play with the cool bead toy in the "sick" area. Something happens. I can't even remember what it was, but we told Kyan "no" or to stop doing something and he takes his Elmo doll and throws it across the room. This in itself is bad enough, but it worsens. Elmo glanced off another parent and hit the glass window around the reception area, plastic-eyes first. So it made a LOUD thump and scared the bejeezus out of the parent and the receptionist. I was mortified. I would love to tell you that this is where the drama ended. Not so.

We got called back and the first thing to get done is to get weighed and measured. Kids were crying about this. Not kidding. Then came the blood pressure cuff. Kynsie was certain her arm was going to fall off and was flipping out. Braylen was sympathy screaming in chorus with Kyan, just to show their support, I'm sure. Since you have to be still to get the BP reading, it took several tries for each child with me and Brandon holding them in an attempt to keep them still. Braylen was so strong and freaked out that the nurse finally gave up on getting his BP reading. Then came the hearing test. Even though Ky & Sis get tested at school, and Braylen will be tested at school this year, it was mandatory that this be done. After much screaming, snotting and tears, Kynsie & Braylen passed their tests. Given that they have had repeated hearing tests, this is no surprise. Kyan was so upset that in spite of the nurse's insisting, I stopped the test. She kept trying and finally I said "is *this* really worth it for a hearing test I know he will pass?". Reluctantly she stopped. We then spent several anxious minutes--30-45 waiting for what was next. The lovely finger prick was next. I don't even need to tell you how that went. The howling just went through the roof, and anxiety actually got worse, if that is possible. There was no consoling. They kind of went in rounds for the screaming and crying most of the time, but all joined in together for good measure too just to be sure we understood their great displeasure with all of it. Finally it was time for the NP to do an exam. For some reason they wanted Kynsie in a paper gown. OK. Put an already anxious autistic/sensory kid in a paper gown and make her wait 30 minutes? What about this seems like a good idea? More freaking out. Finally the NP comes in and Kynsie asks to take the gown off and she says "sure, that's fine". So all that suffering for nothing. Her exam goes fine, but not without tears. Kyan goes next, totally freaking out about his ears. He had a mean infection a few weeks ago, and the ENT had to scrape infection out of his ear. As a result of that trauma, he is even more terrified of doctors and wants NOTHING near his ears. Braylen sat in my lap sobbing as he dreaded his turn. Much to our surprise, Kyan did survive. Braylen was next, and got through it, but not without tears and small drama. Finally 3 hours later, we were done. The NP told me we could come back after their 5th birthday for another check up and insurance would cover it. Let me share with you that will only happen if a large gun is pointed at my head.

Everyone was fine. Big SHOCK. In all of the melee, I forgot to get the school paper that is required, so I have to arrange to get that taken care of. Brandon and I were positively wiped out. So again...Autism streaking naked and on fire through your living room. All I can say, is do NOT provoke the monster. On days like that, just resign yourself to surviving. If everyone makes it until bedtime breathing and with no (minimal) bloodshed, you have succeeded. Get up and tackle the monster tomorrow.

School = Blah!

2010-08-25T10:28:00.002-05:00

Unlike many moms, I am NOT looking forward to school being in full swing. In fact, I already hate it. Yes, I recognize that I have a horrible attitude. I am working on it. And to my children, I act like school is so fabulous and so exciting, but I am not thrilled. Kyan's new teacher seems really nice. I do wonder how he will do for yet another year in a hodge podge class, with kids of all different disabilities. Time will tell, I suppose.

Kynsie & B have a new teacher but also have Miss Sarah as a sort of co-teacher. Love Miss Sarah. Jury is still out on the main teacher. She's nice enough, but definitely different from B's previous pre-k experience, and also different from special ed. Giving the kids their supplements seems like a real hardship, which is ridiculous. Takes 5 minutes for both. In addition, she wouldn't schedule the kids on the same days for staggered days. Everyone else on the planet realizes its nearly impossible to get 3 kids to school on different days, while maintaining sanity, and oh yeah, a job. Have I mentioned my loathing for public school? Yeah, maybe my attitude would be different if I only had one child, and maybe I would be a little less jaded had I not gone 10 rounds with this school to get my special ed kids what they need, even though the school is bound by law to provide it. Sort of leaves a bad taste in my mouth. PLUS,I a dreading this whole 4 & 5 days a week thing. I had babies to be with them, not to deposit them with someone else for 6 hours a day who may or may not share our values, views, priorities, etc. At least when choosing a babysitter, I had some element of control over whose care my children were in. Not so now. And I don't like it one bit.

So there you have it. My gripe. It is a repeat of another post, I know, but I am still not wearing my happy pants about school. Blech!

Hello? Is Anybody Out There?

2010-08-21T19:18:00.006-05:00

I will graciously accept the award for the worst blogger on earth. I just needed a breather over the summer, so I took it. For those of you who pray for us and keep up with us from afar, I apologize. Thankfully, it has been a GREAT summer. I had some cute pictures to upload but something is screwy with my camera, so hopefully I can retrieve them another day. I want to catch you up on the goings on and the latest with us.

We have spent a lot of time this summer at the pool. Kids are doing great and are becoming so independent. Part of me is really struggling with this, even though I know it is natural, normal and healthy. It feels really final for me, since I don't know that I will ever talk Brandon into another baby. In my heart, I don't feel like that chapter in my life is over, but every day it feels more like that door is being slammed shut for me. :( So I try to encourage them to grow and not give in to my desire to keep them in my nest forever.

All of them are super chatty, and little social butterflies, which I love. They are all potty trained over night now, which is GLORIOUS! We continue to work on manners and sassy mouths are a challenge. I have little patience for that, so we are working on it.

BUT....the biggest thing is I just have to tell you about Kyan. Oh my. WOW! Miracle. Amazing. Those words can't even begin to describe the change in our little guy. If you have followed our journey for long, you know that there have been days (many of them) when I really wanted to return him at the service desk. Well, he's still a 4 yr old, so he can be a challenge, but he truly is a totally different kid. He is talking and understanding 10 times better than he was just in May. He rarely throws tantrums, and if he does, they are brief...the day is not ruined. He is handling new situations better, and is really fun to be with. In short, WOW!

School is beginning, and all 3 will be at the same school. I am NOT enjoying this one bit. Kynsie and B will be 5 days a week, and Ky will be 4. I am simply not ready to turn them over to other people for that many hours of the day, every day. And Braylen started crying tonight b/c he doesn't want to go back to his new school. It's pitiful.

There is no new news on Brandon's job situation. Hopefully something will come along soon. Cutie Tooties has had several prospective buyers, a few of them serious. I met with a man today who seems quite serious. I am praying and ask that you pray that the sale of the business goes through and is smooth. August is when you plan for January, and since my lease ends 12/31/10, a new person needs to be in charge 01/01/11. So the time is now for a new buyer to make a commitment and get the ball rolling. Will keep you posted.

It's a FOOD RAISER!

2010-08-04T14:28:00.001-05:00

So EXCITED!

Took kids to church food pantry to give canned goods and veggies from the garden. So many patrons, but VERY little food. We want to help. This weekend Cutie Tooties is having a drawing for a lifetime supply of cloth diapers--basically a whole stash for baby, newborn to potty training.

This will be a SUPER package to win! You register by coming to the store and donating healthy foods, dried, canned or fresh. For every item donated, you get an entry. It's on the honor system. Please consider printing labels with name, phone, email on them to you can stick on entry cards swiftly. We are partnering with several diaper manufacturers to get items together.

THIS WILL BE FUN! PLUS--we are serving Magpies cake starting around lunch Saturday. Store is Open Friday & Saturday 10a-7pm.

Cloth diapers and green/natural lunch supplies will be tax free!

List of constant needs in link below.

http://www.cclive.org/manna-house

Praying for Lucy!

2010-07-22T21:02:00.000-05:00

The bad news always seems to come quickly and immediately after a really uplifting and positive update. Yesterday, I was praising her progress, but today I am asking for major prayers! It appears she has developed Stage 1 ROP (retinopathy of prematurity), which is a potentially serious eye condition that only affects premature babies. There are 5 different stages of ROP, with Stage 5 being complete retinal detatchment and blindness. Right now, we are on Stage 1. My nurse told me today that some babies can stay at Stage 1 for a while before it corrects itself, and other babies can continue to worsen and require treatment. She said, too, that it can progress very quickly into Stage 3. Once a baby is at Stage 3, they will do laser surgery immediately to correct it. After it has progressed to Stage 4 or 5, there is little they can do. So this is where your prayers are needed!! Please pray that this will not continue to develop, and that it will start to correct itself soon. The eye doctor will monitor her closely with weekly exams.

She Ain't Right

2010-07-17T10:17:00.004-05:00

That about sums it up for me. I'm weird. Abnormal. A freak. An oddball. You get the picture. I should tell you that my parents are pretty mainstream. I grew up in a mainstream, by most accounts "normal" home. So my parents aren't to blame for my weirdness.

Those of you who've known me for years are probably wondering why I am just figuring this out about myself. I don't really have an excuse for the delay. I do have a reason for this announcement.

As the fall approaches, far too rapidly by the way (please do not put school supplies up with 4th of July stuff!) I am beginning to freak out. As I mentioned a few months ago, they are supposed to by in school 4 & 5 days per week. I am NOT excited about this at all. :(

I am fine with the teachers at the current school. We have been so blessed in that regard. In fact, I am encouraged because church nursery, and gym nursery, and Braylen's school have all had wonderful teachers that love my children. So the teachers are not the issue. The problem I am having is that I don't get to be with them. I didn't fight so hard to have them only to hand them over to someone else for 7 hrs a day, 5 days a week. This fall the hours will be shorter, so I will survive, but the future still tugs at my heart.

For elementary school, I worry about the influences and pressures on little children. I know we can't and shouldn't keep them in a bubble, but at the same time, I think school makes some grow up very fast. My kids seem particularly sensitive, and that concerns me. I worry about all of the homework....way more than we had as children. I worry about the lack of recess and free play, and just freedom to be a kid, that I enjoyed growing up. I worry about the fast pace. We stay busy, but its on our terms. No one dictates where we will be and when, and sometimes we just hang out at home and breathe. I worry about the demands being placed on today's teachers with test scores and pressure to perform, larger classes, smaller classrooms, and budget crises. How can the best of teachers thrive under the weight of that pressure? I am concerned that my kids will get swallowed up in that setting.

I worry about the grown up influences of celebrities, music, etc that I didn't personally experience as a child. This newfound American obsession is frightening. I worry about the junk food. I worry that we might get a 'bad' teacher and the fact that we have no control over that, and my child could be forced to endure the unpleasantness of this for an entire year. I have seen my friends with special needs kids fight wars with the school system just to get their child treated fairly *by teachers/school*. I don't look forward to that because once you get "the victory" you're left on the dark side of the war you just fought, and all of the ickiness that comes with it. I worry about bullies, and children wielding knives and guns. I worry about kids selling their ritalin. I worry about little children getting involved sexually before they even know what that all means. I am a mom, so I worry.

And here's where the weirdo part comes in. The closer the time comes for Kindergarten (still over a year from now) the more I want to Homeschool. Selling the store makes me want to do that even more. as I look intothe future and the possibility/liklihood of a move, I wantmore and more to teach our kids myself. I have done some preliminary research and am continuing to read all that I can. So far I am encouraged. There is a lot more to read, and there are so many things that will have to come together, like a job for Brandon that will allow this to be feasible financially. I am praying and trusting that if this is indeed the best option for the kids, God will work the rest out. For now I read, pray and wait.

I should mention that one of my biggest concerns with homeschooling was Kyan. He has been the big question mark all along. He may still be the linch pin in all of this, but for today, he seems to have rounded a VERY big corner behaviorally. We keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but he has been so "with us" lately. Well behaved, barring some typical 4 yr old behaviors. He has been incredibly verbal and just so "There". I can't describe it, but everyone is noticing. My mom's best friend had all of us over for 4 days in a row over the July 4th holiday, and she said "i'm sorry Sunny, but I just don't see it. I've taight kids with Autism, and I don't see it in your kids at all". Her sister-in-law who teaches 4 year old preschool came over for one afternoon, and after an hour or so, she looked at DiAnn (mom's friend) and said "which one of these kids is supposed to have Autism?" She too has taught kids with Autism and couldn't tell who had it among my3, so that is a good sign. He's been so much fun to be with, which is a beautiful change. I know he could relapse tomorrow, but this transition looks a lot like the one we saw last fall in Kynsie. It was like all of the pieces began to come together for her and she took off from there. It is my hope that it is Kyan's turn. Time will tell.

Obviously, there is a LOT still up in the air but this is where I am. Brandon and I talked about I last night and I was very surprised (which I shouldn't be) to hear how supportive he is of the possibility of homeschooling. *He's such a good daddy and hubby.* All of this talking with him led to my realization that I am indeed a weirdo. I can't do anything just 'normal'. No status quo here. The problem is that I am not different just for the sake of it. It would be WAY easier to be like everyone else. I'm just not. I do what I do because I believe in it. That's the hard part. If it was just a contrary streak, one would I hope I would have outgrown it by now. It's not, and that's the issue. I just march to the beat of a different drummer I suppose. The other drummer just sounds weird to me. I'm a square peg in a world of round holes. Perhaps its best if I just embrace it. What choice do I have? Obviously I was made this way for a reason.

So that's it for now. Just another piece of our little puzzle. Will keep you posted on what I find.

McD's NOT so Happy Meal

2010-07-14T14:06:00.000-05:00

McDonald's McNuggets made with 'Silly Putty' chemical

What kid doesn't love McDonald's Chicken McNuggets? The white meat chunks are tasty and perfect for little mouths and hands. And while most parents are aware that McNuggets aren't perfectly healthy, they probably don't know exactly what goes into making them.

CNN has revealed that the fast-food chain makes this popular menu item with the chemical preservative tBHQ, tertiary butylhydroquinone, a petroleum-based product. Mcnuggets also contain dimethylpolysiloxane, "an anti-foaming agent" also used in Silly Putty.
Across the Atlantic in Britain, McNuggets don't contain these chemicals and they're less fattening.

CNN reports:
McDonald's says the differences are based on the local tastes: In the United States, McNuggets are coated and then cooked, in the United Kingdom, they are cooked and then coated. As a result, the British McNuggets absorb less oil and have less fat.

Dimethylpolysiloxane is used as a matter of safety to keep the oil from foaming, [Lisa McComb, who handles global media relations for McDonald's,] says. The chemical is a form of silicone also used in cosmetics and Silly Putty. A review of animal studies by The World Health Organization found no adverse health effects associated with dimethylpolysiloxane.

TBHQ is a preservative for vegetable oils and animal fats, limited to .02 percent of the oil in the nugget. One gram (one-thirtieth of an ounce) can cause "nausea, vomiting, ringing in the ears, delirium, a sense of suffocation, and collapse," according to "A Consumer's Dictionary of Food Additives."

Does this mean that you should keep your kids away from McNuggets altogether?

Marion Nestle, a New York University professor and author of "What to Eat," told CNN that the tertiary butylhydroquinone and dimethylpolysiloxane in the McNuggets probably pose no health risks. But she added that as a general rule parents shouldn't feed their children foods with an ingredients you can't pronounce.

Try pronouncing dimethylpolysiloxane...it's not easy.
Do you like McNuggets? Do you feed them to your kids? Does it even surprise you that McNuggets contain a chemical that's also used in "Silly Putt"?

Read more:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfmoms/detail?blogid=46&entry_id=66729#ixzz0tgXpDSnK

Vaccines & Faith/Religion

2010-07-12T13:43:00.002-05:00

I am pasting this post from Stewardship Diaries because I feel she makes some good points and addresses some important issues.

-Sunny

Our Reasons for Not Vaccinating
Posted July 12, 2010 by Erika in Vaccines.

Madeline will be five years old this summer and will officially be starting school this fall. In order to register her we had to present either her proof of vaccination or our religious exemption. Thinking that the religious exemption needed to be written, I began work on a mini-paper explaining why we chose not to vaccinate. However, a few days into my work, another non-vaccinating mom told me I only had to sign a pre-written form. Nothing fancy.

Well, instead of letting my hard work go to waste, I thought I’d finish and share it for those of you considering whether or not to vaccinate. For those of you who do vaccinate and may consider non-vaccination to be foolish or negligent, I would love to have you stick around and consider the other side. You may not change your position on vaccinations, but I hope it will keep you from viewing non-vaccinators as nut-job, faithless, fringe-lunatics.

Not a Matter of Salvation

Before we dive in, I wanted to review that vaccinations are not a matter of salvation. To quote from a post I did on this topic a while ago:
Those of us who believe that vaccines are more dangerous to our health than the diseases from which they protect us, are no more righteous than those those who believe otherwise. Parents who vaccinate are doing what they understand to be best for their families.

Those of us who believe vaccines are more beneficial for our health than they are dangerous, are no more righteous than those who believe otherwise. Parents who don’t vaccinate are doing what they understand to be best for their families.

So, why discuss it?

We believe that we should be seekers of the truth. Scripture tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:21 to “test everything; hold fast to what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.” (Though some might think applying the “evil” part to vaccines is a bit much, consider that many vaccines make use of aborted fetal tissue and animal cells. More on that to come. . .)

In 1 Corinthians 10:23, Paul says, “‘All things are lawful,’ but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful,’ but not all things build up.” Though there is certainly no direct command in scripture to avoid vaccines, we feel they are not helpful for building up our children to serve the Lord and others with all of their strength and might.

Our Investigative Journey
This is part of a long process of investigation that Erich and I have been doing for the last 6 years or so. It started before Madeline was born.
We read The Virus and the Vaccine: The True Story of a Cancer-Causing Monkey Virus, Contaminated Polio Vaccine, and the Millions of Americans Exposed. Though Erich noticed a strong political bias in the book, it still raised valid arguments about the integrity of the vaccine producers and government who both had a lot at stake to make the vaccines a success.

We watched a DVD of a 3 hour lecture from Dr. Sherry Tenpenny, a board certified medical doctor who has been in practice since 1985. The lecture was called: Vaccines: the Risks, the Benefits, the Choices.

We spoke to other parents, both those who vaccinated and those who did not.

We spoke to pediatricians to get their thoughts as we interviewed them to determine who we liked best.

Though we understood that there are risks to not vaccinating we ultimately determined that there are more risks to vaccinating and decided to avoid them at least for the time being. (As a side note, even if you are 100% convinced that you do want to vaccinate your child, delaying them is a GREAT option, widely recommended by many medical experts like Dr. Donald Miller and Dr. Bob Sears. If you’re not 100% about vaccines, please consider delaying until you are.)

As Erich and I continue to study the topic, we’ve remained firm in our decision.
Posts to Come

I’ve boiled down our reasons for not vaccinating into 7 main points which I hope you’ll consider with me in the coming days:

Decline in Disease Not Due to Vaccines
Ingredients (including aborted fetal tissue and animal cells)
Long-Term Effects Unknown
Autism, Asthma, Autoimmune Diseases
Lack of Integrity in Industry
Vaccine Failure and Injury
Better Health Without

Lots of these topics actually blend into each other. Vaccine ingredients are related to unknown long-term effects, which is related to autism, asthma, and autoimmune diseases. . . You get the picture.

Here’s a great video summarizing the issues I’ll be addressing in more depth. There are a couple of sections that deal specifically with the H1N1 vaccine which was big last year when the video was made, but the sections surrounding it are more general and very informative:

My hopes
To quote again from my previous cross-centered discussion of vaccines post:
I hope that my communication on this topic will inform you.
If you’re a wife, I hope you bring everything to your husband and ultimately rest in his leadership.

I hope that those of you who disagree with me never feel condemned or judged by me. Likewise, I hope those who disagree with me will not condemn or judge me for my position.

I hope that you will engage with me in this topic. If you disagree, I’d love to hear why. I am SO grateful for those willing to engage in debate, not just on this issue but on any! There are certainly things I haven’t thought of, studies that I am not aware of, and sources I don’t know about that would be beneficial for consideration. I am not seeking to be right. I am seeking the truth.

These Days

2010-07-10T10:40:00.002-05:00

I was supposed to get up and run this morning, but a sweet little guy needed Mommy snuggles. running will wait. More and more I become aware that these days of sweet innocence are numbered. Far too soon they will realize that I am not cool, and will no longer want to give me "one last hug & kiss". The very thought of it breaks my heart. I understand that it is just part of life, but I find myself clinging to this phase with all of my might. I pray for them to grow into strong, kind, Christian men & lady, but I want the days to slow. These days are still exhausting, but as I lad my hands on them to pray last night, I prayed that God will cover them and keep them warm and protect them in the years to come when they are not sleeping under my roof...when I am not there to be sure they are well-fed, clothed and covered. In all of those moments when they are out of my sight, I pray that He will guard them as fiercely as I do. When I place my hands on each of them to pray, I can see them as a young man/woman. I pray that we get them to the other side of childhood unscathed. I hope we don't screw up so largely that we send them to a therapist's couch. I pray that God draws them to Him and that they listen. I pray that they make good choices and stay away from drugs and alcohol. I pray that we are good parents and that I live long enough to see them into adulthood. I am certain that if/when that happens I will pray to know my grandchildren and that I will continue to ask for more, never getting enough of my babies.

I count myself blessed to have them. They are hands down the best thing Brandon and I have ever done.

4TH of July

2010-07-08T21:19:00.005-05:00

We had a wonderful 4th of July Holiday! we spent 5 nights at my parents house in Union City, TN. The kids haven't been there in almost 2 years. Thankfully my parents head to Knoxville about once a month. We spent every day at my mom's friend's pool. It was glorious! The kids had friends there to play with and loved every second. We have some pool pictures, but that is about it. We didn't manage to get any pictures of Braylen working in Grandad's garden. He LOVED picking veggies and putting them in his bucket. The kids also got to ride in Grandad's golf cart which was lots of fun. Grammy made them special peach sorbet & mixed berry sorbet and they loved it. It was a great trip!

Playing Catch Up

2010-06-28T12:38:00.002-05:00

A lot has happened since I last posted, little of it of any consequence, but for those who lives far away, I thought I would at least give a few updates.

Kynsie and Braylen are doing great at their church day camp 2 days per week--it is basically preschool in the summer. Not sure why they call it camp, but the kids love it. Initially, we had a PECS picture schedule for her to follow to manage her anxiety, but she never referred to it and didn't need it. So she's just a typical kiddo in the class, and that makes my heart smile.

Kyan is doing ok this summer. We have had more days of colossal meltdowns than days without, but so far we are surviving. He drains us. There is no other way to describe it. The last few days have been more peaceful than the weeks preceding, but we have little to attribute that to. We have done PECS schedule at home, but while he initially seemed very interested, now he has little interest. Our daily routine is usually pretty basic, so he seems less dependent on the PECS, but we are still trying to use it. After 6+ hours working on it, I would like to think it is helpful. He has been doing some speech therapy and his therapist said "He's a joy to work with. I work with a LOT of preschoolers and he is just great...."she went on and on about how sweet and cooperative he is, and how he is making nice progress. This is a double-edged sword though. On one hand--yay! for good news. On the other hand, why does he act like Satan at home? I wish I knew. If you have a hypothesis or remedy, you just let me know, but be warned, for the last 2.5 years me, his dad, my mom, Barbara, Patty, Diana, Yolanda, Jaye, and NOW Kelly have all tried to "Straighten him out" and/or figure out this behavior, what triggers it, and how to resolve it for good, and all of us seem to have failed miserably. At this point I can only pray that time will be kind to us and that maturity and age will help. If not, begin preparing my room in the loony bin, because I bound for it eventually.

I announced that I am selling Cutie Tooties to my customer base and several people have expressed interest, so now I have to work with the broker to get the final price and see where we go from there. Please say a prayer for us during this process. It seems overwhelming, but I am just trusting that God will work it out.

In other kid news-we survived vacation Bible school and also visited Wilderness Lodge in Sevierville last week and they LOVED it. Of course no pictures. I have been horrible about that this summer. Kids are continuing to enjoy swimming and playing with their cousins. I will do my best to take some pics and post soon. Brandon is building their play set, which will certainly require pictures to show off his hard work. My garden is doing well, but I am fighting a persistent rabbit who loves peas, lettuce and now green beans. His friend dined in my garden and go so fat that he couldn't squeeze back under the fence, but he died trying. :( Brandon had to deal with the aftermath. YUCKO!

That's basically it for us. No deep thoughts for now. More to come. hopefully sooner rather than later!

Dr. Andrew Wakefield's Findings Replicated in MMR link to Autism

2010-06-28T11:09:00.003-05:00

This is not new news, but I just came across it.

January 28, 2010

Wakefield's Science Proven Valid Again In New Study That Replicates Findings
Read the full study, Clinical presentation and Histologic Findings at Ileocolonoscopy in Children with Autistic spectrum Disorder and Chronic Gastrointestinal symptoms at Autism Insights . View a .pdf HERE.
Arthur Krigsman 1, Marvin Boris 2, Alan Goldblatt 3 and Carol Stott 4

Abstract Background: Children with developmental disorders experience chronic gastrointestinal symptoms. Aims:To examine the nature of these gastrointestinal symptoms and histologic findings in children with autism spectrum/developmental disorders and ileocolonic disease.

Methods: Chart review. 143 autism spectrum/developmental disorder patients, with chronic gastrointestinal symptoms, undergoing diagnostic ileocolonoscopy.

Results: Diarrhea was present in 78%, abdominal pain in 59% and constipation in 36%. Ileal and/or colonic lymphonodular hyperplasia (LNH), defined as the presence of an increased number of enlarged lymphoid follicles, often with hyperactive germinal centers, was present in 73.2%. Terminal ileum LNH presented visually in 67% and histologically in 73%. Colonic LNH was multifocal and presented histologically in 32%. Ileal and/or colonic inflammation presented in 74%, consisting primarily of active or chronic colitis (69%). Ileal inflammation presented in 35%.

Presence of LNH significantly predicted mucosal inflammation. Patients with ileal and/or colonic LNH had lower mean/median age than those without; patients with ileal and/or colonic inflammation had lower mean/median age than those without. There was a significant association between ileo and/or colonic inflammation or LNH, and onset of developmental disorder; plateaued or regressive onset conferred greater risk than early onset.

Conclusions: Patients with autism or related disorders exhibiting chronic gastrointestinal symptoms demonstrate ileal or colonic inflammation upon light microscopic examination of biopsy tissue. Further work is needed to determine whether resolution of histopathology with appropriate therapy is accompanied by GI symptomatic and cognitive/behavioral improvement.

Keywords:ASD ileitis, colitis, lymphonodular hyperplasia
1 Assistant professor of pediatrics, New York University school of Medicine Director of Gastroenterology services, Thoughtful House Center for Children, 3001 Bee Caves Rd, Austin, Texas, 78746, UsA. 2 Associate Clinical professor of pediatrics, New York University school of Medicine, 550 1st Ave., New York, NY 10016, UsA. 3 Adjunct professor Touro College, 27-33 West 23rd st, New York, NY 10010, UsA. 4Thoughtful House Center for Children, 3001 Bee Caves Rd, Austin, Texas, 78746, UsA. Autism Insights 2010:2 1–11 This article is available from http://www.la-press.com. © the author(s), publisher and licensee Libertas Academica Ltd. This is an open access article. Unrestricted commercial use is permitted provided the original work is properly cited.

Special Needs Moms!

2010-06-18T13:11:00.001-05:00

I found a FREE download of Boardmaker, for social stories, schedules, etc.

Go here to get 30 days FREE!

YIPPEE! My printer is smoking!

Remember Lucy

2010-06-18T10:22:00.001-05:00

She still needs our prayers. Below is an update from her Carepage.

June 17, 2010

Today was a really rough day. She hasn't been making any progress on the oscillating ventilator. Instead of being weaned from it, all the settings had to be tweaked upwards. The percent of oxygen was creeping higher, closer to 100%. And where do you go if 100% oxygen isn't working? At one point, when it did reach 100%, all the nurses and doctors rushed over, switched out her tubing, and put her back on the regular ventilator. They wanted to give her little body a break from the vibrations for a while.

Pray for healing for her little lungs. The chest x-rays don't appear to be improving. There is still quite a bit of fluid in them. And there are places in her top right lung where the alveoli are collapsed, and don't open and close as they should. And the air leak (PIE) is back.

She also had to receive another 15mL blood transfusion tonight, which means they will hold her feedings until tomorrow night.

It's so hard to have a child in the hospital; to sit and watch helplessly. But it's even harder when she doesn't seem to be improving and there's nothing I can do for her. I know God doesn't give you more than you can handle, but I'm afraid he's got a little too much faith in me right now. I mean, we haven't even closed out probate yet. It's been a tough year. I'm ready for some good news!

This is My Dream

2010-06-18T10:01:00.003-05:00

This is what we strive for, what we dream of. This is why we do what we do.

(click to play. you will have to follow link to youtube. make sure you allow pop-ups tempoarily so you can watch. it's worth it.)

Autism In the News

2010-06-16T09:54:00.002-05:00

Autism test could make the condition 'preventable'

Autism could be turned into a "preventable" disorder after British scientists develop a simple test for the condition.

By Richard Alleyne, Science CorrespondentPublished: 6:00PM BST 03 Jun 2010

Diagnosis of autism has always been difficult and often the condition remains unrecognised until too late for treatment to have a maximum effect.

But now researchers at Imperial College London have discovered a potential way of spotting the disorder that they hope could ultimately lead to a test for children as young as six months old.

Children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) have a particular makeup of gut microbes and the researchers have found that this can be detected with a simple urine test.

That would mean that intensive behavioural and social treatment could begin before the disease has caused any permanent psychological damage.
Professor Jeremy Nicholson, the author of the study, said: "Children with autism have very unusual gut microbes which we can test for before the full blown symptoms of the disease come through.

"If that is the case then it might become a preventable disease."
It is estimated that around one in 100 people have autism, meaning there are around 500,000 in Britain.

The condition covers a wide spectrum of disorders with cases ranging from relatively mild problems with social interaction to more severe difficulties in behaviour such as not speaking or copying, rigid routines and social isolation.

While the causes of the condition remain a mystery, early and intensive treatment is known to help alleviate the symptoms. The problem is that diagnosis can be difficult and often relies on waiting for the symptoms to develop by which time a lot of damage has been done.

At present, children are assessed for autism through a lengthy process involving a range of tests that explore the child's social interaction, communication and imaginative skills. Early intervention can greatly improve the progress of children with autism but it is currently difficult to establish a firm diagnosis until children begin speaking. The latest breakthrough shows that it is possible to distinguish between autistic and non-autistic children by looking at the by-products of gut bacteria and the body's digestive processes in the children's urine.

Prof Nicholson, who worked with the University of South Australia, said he hoped that the test, which could cost as little as £5, could one day be used in children as young as six months old. Most children are not diagnosed until they are at least two. The researchers are keen to investigate the link between the learning difficulties and the gut microbes further.

If such a link was established this might lead to "probiotic" treatments or cures. The researchers reached their conclusions by using a Nuclear Magnetic Resonance Spectroscopy which is able to analyse the make-up of chemicals.

They used the machine on samples three groups of children aged between three and nine – 39 children who had previously been diagnosed with autism, 28 non-autistic siblings of children with autism, and 34 children who did not have autism and did not have an autistic sibling. They found that each of the three groups had a distinct chemical fingerprint. Non-autistic children with autistic siblings had a different chemical fingerprint than those without any autistic siblings, and autistic children had a different chemical fingerprint than the other two groups.

Now they want to test the technique on a larger group of younger children in the next two years with the idea of having it available within five years for full medical approval in five. The findings were published in the journal of Proteome Research. Deepa Korea, Chief Executive, Research Autism said, "We welcome any scientifically robust research, which has been subject to the highest research methodology, that advances the improvement of early diagnosis of autism spectrum conditions, so that children can receive appropriate support from as early an age as possible.
"We recognise that more work needs to be carried out in this area." A National Autistic Society spokesman said "Studies which consider differences in urine samples are interesting, but before these findings could be applied more widely, they would need to be tested and scrutinised on a much broader scale. "This research appears to focus specifically on children with gastro-intestinal (GI) disorders as well as autism. "Whilst some children with autism do have additional gut problems, this is not true for everyone, so the differences observed in this study, might not be representative of all people with autism. "The most important thing that children with autism the right help and support as early as possible."

The Truth About Your Food

2010-06-16T09:39:00.001-05:00

You gotta read this!!

The Truth About Your Food

Strong

2010-06-15T14:38:00.003-05:00

I have said it a million times and I will say it again. Never have I felt so ill-equipped for a job as I do for parenting. Daily I wonder what in the world God was thinking when he assigned this task for me. Perhaps the well-put-together parents were already taken? I am not sure. At any rate, I have not abandoned you. Simply trying to get a grip on my house and the kids' schedules in order to reduce chaos for Kyan. He is flipping out repeately every day and we are watching slip back into the violent, frustrated behaviors of hitting, kicking, screaming incessantly and throwing things. I think being without the structure of school is difficult for him, so I am TRYING to get things better in order for him at home. *sigh* Did I mention how I struggle with organization? He needs an organized (neurotically so) parent so desperately, and so often, since having kids and owning a business, I am all over the place. I feel like I have ADHD. Always running, but getting nowhere. I am that dang hamster cursing and running like mad on a stupid wheel.

Anyway--for those of you in the ring with me, thought I would post something I just came across while working on PECS schedule for Kyan.

Prayers for Lucy

2010-06-07T14:01:00.002-05:00

Meet Lucy.

She is a little over 1 week old and has done a lot of living in her little life. She is a real trooper, but she really needs your prayers. Lucy has had some trouble with apnea episodes, even on assisted breathing devices, and doctors are concerned that she has an infection. She is on 3 different types of antibiotics right now, which is a lot for a little body. Of course any time a baby stops breahing it is terrifying for mom and dad. This is typical for preemies, but there is nothing *normal* about it as a parent. Please pray for Greg & Katie (parents) and especially for baby Lucy. She really needs those prayers now.

Decisions....Decisions....

2010-05-31T21:17:00.004-05:00

So our vacation was ABSOLUTELY the most wonderful thing we have done in a LONG time. It was a wonderful investment in our family. Thank you tax return. There are SO many more pictures, hopefully we can get more up soon. One of the main reasons it was great was because Brandon and I were able to focus on our little family and consider our future, without the distractions of day to day life. Before I share decisions, I want to tell you a little about the last 6-12 months for us. I know that many of you know most of what has happened with us as far as the kids and those battles go. You also know from my recent venting that the store has been exceptionally stressful. I want to say, I have MANY WONDERFUL customers and I enjoy them. I believe in what I do, and so I enjoy helping people with the products. I enjoy that part of it. I like finding new products that customers enjoy. I love seeing pregnant girls transform into great moms. I like encouraging other moms as well are striving to be good at what we do. I enjoy that stuff.

What I don't like is all of the rest...working every Saturday and never being home at the same time as Brandon, except evenings and Sundays. I don't like working long after 5pm because there is so much left undone. I HATE dealing with taxes of any kind. It STRESSES me out, and I can't afford a bookkeeper. I don't like dealing with complainers and the people for who my best will never be enough. I don't like my landlord. I don't like competing (or being expected to compete) with Target, Wal-mart and Babies R Us. I don't like working for free, or worse PAYING to work. I don't like feeling stressed all of the time and CONSTANTLY worrying about money. So that is my job "side" of this story.

Brandon loves his job, so that is a non-problem. The problem is that we don't love that he travels for his job. On top of all that we have going on, him being gone does not help matters.

Now for the personal stuff...
Since our kids came home from the NICU at 4 weeks old, Barbara has been our nanny. The kids love her and don't know that she isn't family. For 2 years, they saw her 3-5 times a week. AND since we don't really have family here that can help us, she was was our back-up... our "call me in an emergency", our "call me to go do something fun", our "call me if you want a date"--in other words, very much an integral part of our team. In addition, lucky for us, with Barbara came her friend Patty who is like a grandmother to my kiddos. They do not know life without Barbara and Patty. Patty has made many late night Children's Hospital E.R. runs with me, spent nights in Children's hospital loving on babies, gone to countless doctor appointments, & therapies. All of us have traversed the zoo, all local playgrounds and parks, swimming pools, and fun places. They have been to swim lessons, school programs, Christmas parties, Birthday parties, all of the day to day and the not-so-day-to-day--like Kynsie almost dying on them while we were at Marie's (Brandon's mom) funeral. In a nutshell, Barbara and Patty have just always been there. These fabulous strangers who took us on and helped us survive. They were surrogate family when we needed family most. They love us and we love them. They were very much a regular part of our every day life.They were our team.

Over the last year, Barbara has had to be gone due to health problems of her parents and her Brother. This was particularly hard on us and the kids, but Patty did her best to fill in the gaps and we survived. During one of those absences, I asked my mom to move to Knoxville. I was desperate. Unfortunately that just wasn't and isn't a real possibility in the near future. So, early this spring, Barb's brother came back to TN and because of his health (no kidneys due to cancer--trying for a transplant--very fragile health) he requires 24 hr care. She volunteered and was volunteered for the job. So Barb is now out of the picture for us.

In addition, around the same time, Patty's daughter-in-law delivered Patty & Wayne's only *real* grandchild. Understandably, my children took the backseat to the flesh and blood baby & the flesh and blood brother. My brain totally understands that blood is thicker than water, but my heart took a beating. It didn't help that both of these things happened in the span of a couple of months. It is hard to no longer be a priority. It is scary when those people are your go-to's who drop anything when you have a crisis. Our safety net was swiftly yanked out from under us twice, and it was something I was NOT prepared for. Add to that the fact that the kids cry for both Barbara and Patty and ask to see them several times a week. How in the world do I explain this to them? They don't understand why they can't see their favorite people every week, several times a week because that is the only life they have known. It has been and continues to be VERY hard. I have been sad, angry, hurt, and have shed lots of tears. Again, my brain understands, but that doesn't change how we feel.

At some point in the middle of a horribly stressful time, when all of this was coming down around me I had an epiphany. Like the main character in an old western movie, there was this moment when I realized the cavalry really isn't coming. We are alone in this. Sink or swim. Sure we have lots of support from my parents and his grandparents, and if I have an emergency, and they can help, Patty and Barbara are still here. But the problem is, we need help even when it isn't an emergency, and all of that is gone. Poof. Like blowing a candle out, gone.

Now what? So, as I rode my bike, and sat on our balcony, and played with my children last week, I had a LOT of time to think and pray. The reality of our situation is that in order for us to make it financially, I need to bring in a steady income. I resisted a regular job before because it would keep me away from the kids during the day every day. Well, next year B & Sis will be in pre-k 5 days per week and Ky will be 4 days-not by my choice, but that is what is best for them educationally. So, that changes my options significantly. My days at home with them are numbered. I don't like it, but that is the way it is.

Secondly, my job has become more stress than joy, and it seems like a natural time to make a change. My kids aren't in diapers anymore, and I need something that I can leave behind at 5pm so that when I am at home, I really am at home, not working on my computer while the kids play. I need an easier job because my other full time job as mom is hard enough. And we just need the money. Nothing about kids is cheap, let alone triplets, autism, food allergies, and treatments. Something has to give.

In addition, the best way for Brandon to move up is likely to go into management. Doing so will almost certainly require a move. Up until now, I have refused to move for a few reasons. 1) We had people here who love our children and who can & will help us. 2) I LOVED my job & my lease is through December 2010 3) I really thought my parents would be living here by now 4) Children's Hospital and all of the kids doctors and specialists--which they don't see any more-- 5)East TN is my home.

Well, as you can see, many of my *reasons* have dissolved or are dissolving rapidly. Again, the cavalry isn't coming. They just aren't. So we have to adapt and make the necessary changes to help our little family make it. As a result, Brandon has changed his State Farm Employment profile to show that he is willing to relocate. Doing so opens him to MANY more opportunities for advancement. In addition, he just completed & excelled in a 9 month pre-leadership course with State Farm that prepares employees to take on managing/leadership roles. Both of these things increase his chances of a more lucrative job. And with December 2010 quickly approaching, the timing is good. As a result of all of the jibberish above, I have decided to sell Cutie Tooties. I am contacting a broker on Wednesday to get the ball rolling. My hope is to have it sold by early fall. In a perfect world, I would travel with the new owner to the big trade show in October and introduce him/her to the wholesale company owners and recommend products, and then we would begin the transition. I hope to continue to work there throughout the year. Obviously, these are my hopes and plans, but only God knows how any of this will shake out. Maybe it won't sell. And maybe we won't move. But my gut tells me otherwise.

For the first time I am okay with all of that, and so is Brandon. We might be the only adults in this boat, but we aren't rookies anymore. We can do this and have been doing this for a long while now. We have God and we have each other, and that is enough. It won't be easy, but God knows it isn't easy now. There are a lot of things we can't change about our life, but if we can relieve some of my job stress, and the stress from Brandon traveling, AND we could improve our financial situation, that would be great.

Only time will tell, but this is where we are for the moment. Honestly, it feels a lot better than limbo. At least we have a skeleton plan.

Home from a MUCH NEEDED Vacay-Thank you Tax return

2010-05-31T14:12:00.008-05:00

Buckled up and ready to go!

More pictures to come. We had a WONDERFUL time and as you can tell, the kids hated it. :)

Prayer Request

2010-05-31T13:19:00.002-05:00

Some friends from church had a baby over the weekend. Her name is Lucy Grace. She was born at 24 weeks gestation, which as you know is 16 weeks early. She is evidently a fighter and "doing well under the circumstances". Please remember her and her family-Greg, Katie, & brother Luke as they adjust to this surprise arrival. The NICU is no fun and they are looking at 3 months there. So please continue to keep them in your prayers and pray that Lucy keeps fighting.

Biomed GRANT Opportunity for Families of Kids with Autism

2010-05-20T09:33:00.001-05:00

Rescue Family Grant Program

Generation Rescue is proud to offer a grant program for treatments that may not otherwise be covered privately or by other third-party funding sources such as school districts, county programs, insurance, and/or other grant making entities.

Generation Rescue's Rescue Family grants are designed to provide support to individuals and families affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders. Each grant recipient will receive 2-doctor visits with a specially trained physician who treats autism; vitamins, minerals and supplements for 90 days, a Generation Rescue Rescue Mentor and dietary intervention training.

This grant is only applicable for families who have not done biomedical treatment, with the exception of the GF/CF Diet.

Please review the questions provided below. If you can answer yes to any of the following questions, you are not eligible to apply.

Has your child seen a DAN! doctor before?
Has your child received private lab testing from Great Plains, Doctors Data, or Metametrix?
Has your child been on anti-fungal or anti-viral therapy?
Does your family make over the median income for your zip code?
Does your child currently take any supplements other than fish oil?

You can find the ATEC Survey here: http://www.autism.com/ari/atec/atec-online.htm.

Please fill out all 6 pages of the application and mail them to the address below:

Generation Rescue
Attn: Grant Committee
13636 Ventura Blvd. Ste. 259
Sherman Oaks, CA 91423

Applications will not be accepted until April 15,2010.

Applications must be received by May 31, 2010 - faxed, emailed, or incomplete applications will not be considered.

All applicants will be notified on June 4, 2010

Pesticide Linked to ADHD in Kids

2010-05-17T14:35:00.001-05:00

MONDAY, May 17 (HealthDay News) -- New research suggests that exposure to high levels of organophosphate pesticides, commonly found on berries, celery and other produce, could raise the odds for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children.

At this point, though, there is no evidence that pesticide exposure can actually cause ADHD, stated the authors of a paper appearing in the June issue of Pediatrics.

Certainly parents and children shouldn't swear off fruits and veggies, said study lead author Maryse Bouchard, an adjunct researcher in the department of environmental and occupational health at the University of Montreal and at Sainte-Justine University Hospital Centre. However, "I think it's safe to say that we should as much as possible reduce our exposure to pesticides," she said.

That would meaning going organic, buying at farmers' markets and washing fruits and vegetables thoroughly before consuming them, she said.

"I always encourage my families to embrace healthy lifestyles in general," agreed Dr. Nakia Scott, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral science at Texas A&M Health Science Center College of Medicine and a child psychiatrist with Lone Star Circle of Care. "I think it's much more important that they're eating fruits, vegetables, nuts and grains instead of sodas and fast foods and I'm not saying that they're not going to eat any produce because it might contain pesticides."

Previous research has shown an association between both prenatal and postnatal organophosphate exposure and developmental problems in young children.

But most prior studies have focused on excessive rather than average exposure to organophosphates.

"Organophosphates are one of the most widely used pesticides in agriculture to protect crops and fruits and vegetables," Bouchard noted. "For children, the major source of exposure would be the diet -- fruits and vegetables in particular."

In their study, Bouchard and her colleagues analyzed data on pesticide exposure and ADHD in more than 1,100 American children aged 8 to 15.

Children with higher pesticide levels in their urine were more likely to have ADHD, the team found.

"The analysis showed that the higher the level of exposure [as measured by metabolites in the urine], the higher the odds of having ADHD," Bouchard added.

Just how might pesticides harm brain development? According to the authors, high doses of organophosphates may inhibit acetylcholinesterase, a nervous system enzyme. Lower doses of the pesticide may affect different growth factors and neurotransmitters.

The findings, if replicated, may provide another clue into the causes of ADHD, a condition which affects three to seven percent of school-aged children, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

"We do have a fair amount of evidence about other causes of ADHD," Scott said. "We know that ADHD is a highly heritable disorder. At least one-third of fathers who have had ADHD in their youth have a child with ADHD."

"There are also prenatal risks such as tobacco exposure and alcohol exposure," she added. "There's also a possibility that children who are exposed to high levels of lead prior to the age of six may develop ADHD."

NASHVILLE

2010-05-15T13:49:00.002-05:00

I just donated my swagbucks to Nashville relief, and saw this video that you simply must watch. It's truly tragic that Nashville's flood got so little news coverage. Even here in Knoxville, just down the interstate, we did not know the true scope of this disaster until days later when our Nashville friends began posting pictures on facebook. Here's the video

Still Alive

2010-05-10T20:17:00.002-05:00

I am here. We are here. I have tons of pictures to post, but am too tired to post them. I am still avoiding this blog b/c again, I just don't feel like talking much. Presently I am just pissed off. I love my store but am not sure it is worth all of the fighting, blood, sweat and tears I continue to put into it only for people to go to diaperswappers, or ebay, or another online store, or an online co-op. I can't compete with that crap. And I can't compete with Target & Babies r Us and many diaper companies and baby carrier companies are sellouts and go to those places. Big Box stores pay a fraction of what I pay for merchandise and they have billions to advertise with. And if the product doesn't sell, often they can return it to the manufacturer and get their money back. Not so with small retailers. We just have to clearance it and eat the loss.

I am done with people coming into MY store and telling other customers that they can check on ebay or where ever and get something cheaper. Then when they have a problem with that cheaper diaper who do you think they call? The person who sold it to them? Nope. They call me. So, I guess it's ok with them that I work for free . And part of this is my fault. I have been entirely too nice, and I think I may have just gotten over that sickness tonight. I had a woman come into my store today and ask me 5,000 questions only to tell me she was going to make diapers. She was buying them elsewhere so she could break them up and copy them--hello--illegal. AND--she was taking pictures of the products with her cell phone. Incidentally, she owns a small business. I told her it was wrong for people to come into my store and spend an hour of my time and then tell me they are going to sew diapers. I said "you own a small business, you know that's wrong." She bought some things that I am certain she will return. My friend saw her taking the pictures, not me, but I may say something when she returns the diapers.

Kelly was in the store today and I told her all of this, and that I am not sure if I should scrap and fight to make this store work or not. She said very wise words, "Sunny, you've had to do a lot of fighting for the kids as it is. So, its no wonder you are just over it and don't have much fight left in you". And that's where I am. I have always been a fighter--a never say quit-er, but that may change if things don't pick up. I bend over backwards to help people, and have put so much time and energy into this that it would be hard to walk away, but it is getting less difficult to consider every day. Maybe today is just a bad day, and maybe tomorrow I will feel better. Time will tell.

Intentional Neglect

2010-04-29T16:05:00.001-05:00

So I have been avoiding you. Not trying to hurt your feelings, but you know how sometimes you just don't want to talk about it? That's where I am. I decided maybe typing about it will help me sort things out, so prepare yourself for a long post that perhaps gives you more of a look into my brain than you bargained for.

As you know, Kyan and Kynsie's school situation is settled. Braylen is a toss up. We are trying to get him into the same school as a governor's pre-k student, but not sure if that will happen. He is at-risk due to being a triplet, being pre-term, speech delay, and sibs with Autism, but we don't qualify for free lunches, so that makes him second tier. We will know if he gets accepted in a month or so.

All of this has been much harder than I anticipated. Next year my kids will be in school 4 or 5 days per week. Only until 1pm, but still. No days with just Mommy. I am having MAJOR coping issues. I don't want this. I want them with me, BUT they really need this extra prep work for kindergarten, so...basically I am being selfish. I didn't have kids to deposit them with someone else. I want them with me. I want to homeschool now more than ever, but at this moment I am certain I am not capable of giving Kyan or Kynsie exactly what they need, perhaps down the road, but not now. That sucks. I hate feeling (knowing) like I am not enough. I dread the fall. My babies aren't babies anymore, and I truly am not handling this well.

On top of that, my employee Jessica (who is great by the way) is pregnant with her second baby, and said baby may arrive in October. I am thrilled for her, but I am wondering what I will do about another employee for her maternity leave, given that is our busiest time of year. I am also wondering what I will do about Saturdays. I have always worked Saturdays b/c it is our busiest day, and I hate to ask someone else to work on the weekend. BUT I have no intention of working the one day I have with my kids, so what am I going to do with that? People come into my store expecting an expert and I feel like we give them that. How will I find a 3rd person? Not sure.

In other news with the store, this is the beginning of my 4th year in business. The business is growing like mad and is right on track for that 5 year 'make it' benchmark, but we aren't 'making it'. In a nutshell, I paid to work last year. I paid a lot to work last year. While we did get a tax refund, that doesn't offset the loss. I'm in such a hard place. I LOVE my store. I love what I do. I want to keep doing this, but we have to eat too. And I have worked so hard to get it to this place, on the cusp of success. That makes it very hard to walk away. Plus, where would I go? I don't want to do anything else. The hardest thing is that our products are expensive, so people believe we make a lot of money, but the truth is, our markup is usually 30%. You can't live on that. Most products your purchase are marked up 100%--just for a frame of reference. So if you pay $2, the retailer selling it paid $1. At my store, if you pay $2.00, I paid $1.40. There is a huge difference there. the obvious thought is to mark items up more, but then you lose to online competition who will settle for next to no profit, and has no overhead. So not an option, realistically speaking. The only option I see, other than selling my business is to find products that afford a better markup to add to the store. So I am on a major hunt for products I agree with that can help us stay alive, as cloth diapers simply don't do that. The irony though is that 90% of people who come into my store are there for diapers. *Sigh* Nothing about this is black and white.

To further complicate matters, my lease is up in December. So we will be dealing with Christmas chaos, Jessica's maternity leave and a potential location change. My landlord is difficult to put it kindly, and so on one hand getting away would be nice, but I have a wonderful location. Just not sure I can swing it financially, and if so, for how long? If I sign a lease, I am bound to stay, and staying in Knoxville may not be in the cards for us. We *LOVE* it here and want to be here, but have no idea where Brandon's job will take him in coming years. We simply know that we can't stay where we are financially indefinitely or we will be belly up. Feels like we already are. So do I sign a 2 year lease? 3 year lease? And if we move, what about my business? I have a nice customer base here. I don't think I have it in me to rebuild somewhere else? Did I mention this is not easy? Lots of questions with only time will tell answers.

Because all of this is not insane enough, my biological clock has decided to wake up and begin screaming at me. Yep, it's official, I am certifiably NUTS, but I do want another baby. (my mom just choked on her coffee reading that) Maybe not right now, but I am 32 years old, so time is a concern. Not sure I can even get pregnant, and then there are obvious financial concerns. Oh-and the fact that Brandon has no interest in having another child--a bit of a problem, don't you think? But just the same, I feel almost burdened by this. I do want another child and it is a helpless feeling to know that money and autism are the biggest obstacles in our way. We can't make it now, how could we feed and clothe another baby? I think of that lovely bumper sticker that says if you can't feed'em, don't breed'em. Isn't that lovely? But I see the point.

And what are the risks? Obviously, we would make MANY different choices with a new baby and hope and pray that we dodge the autism bullet, but no guarantees, right? And could we survive that? Emotionally? Financially? I don't know. Autism means that pregnancy past 35 is out for me. Just no sense in putting a child at greater risk because of advanced maternal age. The truth is, part of me just wants a chance at normal. A chance for a singleton pregnancy. One that is not wracked with fear of premature birth and death, scary complications, weekly doctor visits, insane medical bills and NICU time. I want a chance to be happy about a new addition, rather than terrified. A chance to enjoy being pregnant. To soak it in. Then, a chance to enjoy every stage of my baby's life because I am not spread so thin trying to care for 2 other infants that I am unable to enjoy anything. I want to actually remember the first 6 months of my baby's life, which incidentally, without pictures to prompt me, I really have few memories of months 1-6 with our kids. I want a chance to watch a child develop typically. No therapy. No IEP's. Just a slice of normal for a change. I know there are no guarantees, but I want a chance at getting it right. Actually being able to breastfeed my baby longer than 8 weeks, and dodging the lovely poison in vaccines. I want a chance to get it right. Not the reason to have a baby, and it isn't my only reason, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that it is part of my desire for another one.

And then of course, the timing isn't great. Life is crazy, but when isn't it? We don't have another bedroom, and sharing is an issue even now, and we can't move, so doesn't most of this seem to circle back around to money? UGG!!

So in a nutshell, that is all I have been avoiding telling you. This is my state of mind and our place in the world at the moment. From where I stand it looks like limbo, and if you know me in real life, you know I don't do limbo well at all. I don't have a game plan at all at the moment. Just sort of hanging on and waiting. Not sure what I am waiting for, but I hope I know it when I see it. And I am praying for God to change my heart about the baby thing if that is what needs to happen. I am ok with it, but I do need some resolution either way.

There it is. The whole of it. I'm going to water my garden now.

Peace out.

Sunny :)

Exhale

2010-04-21T10:55:00.002-05:00

Finally I can breathe again. The meetings are done and no blood was shed. Frankly, we had reasonable requests, and there was no reason for a fight. The supervisor still pushed for Kyan to be at his 'zoned school' because it could meet his needs, and Kynsie was obviously going to be somewhere else, but finally they allowed us to keep them in the same school together. We weren't asking for a specific teacher, or class or even school. Just the same building. The supervisor argued on principal more than reason, but relented. We thanked her and she shared that it was in the best interest of the kids, not because it made our life more manageable. Ok--she wins. Fine. I don't CARE why. DON'T CARE. Just glad its over and that none of my tirade was required to get what is best for the kids. There was some 'fighting' required, but it was not aggressive or ugly, so we all survived just fine.

The long and short of it, Kyan got some summer hours, which he needs. He has a lot more goals for next year and that means more hours--4 days a week, which again he needs. I pushed for him to be in a class like Kynsie has been in for the last 2 years--a class made up of high functioning autistic kids--as opposed to a class of mixed disabilities. They argued that the other setting is better because all kids in the class aren't socially challenged. I argued that he gets that peer modeling at home and what he needs is an Autism specific class. It doesn't look like I will win that, but I made my point known and referenced Kynsie's success as reasoning. Sounds argument in my opinion. That wasn't a hill to die on though, so I pushed as far as I could. In short, there will be a lot of work on his social skills, language skills and behavior. I think the summer class, 4 days next school year and new goals will help him.

Kynsie's was much less of a fight. Her goals were right on track and she will be in a MAINSTREAM/regular pre-k class. She will still get OT & speech 30 mins each per week. She will also have "direct" special education help 1 hour per week in her classroom with a special ed teacher, and her pre-k teacher will receive 1 hour consultation per week with a special educator to specifically help make adaptations for Kynsie in the classroom. I am SOOOO thrilled. This is setting her up for Kindergarten, and this is exactly what she needs. I am grateful that her needs were most important and this was really easy to get through.

All in all, it was much ado about nothing. They were anticipating a fight with me, so they ramped everything up and called in the pre-k head supervisor. That and meeting changes, plus other factors amped me up and so I got ready for a fight. When all was said and done, there was little to fight about. Location for Kyan was the issue of the day. Programming wasn't much of a fight. I had to fight for summer school, but that was it program-wise.

Once I explained that it was humanly impossible for me to drop one child off at one location--with 2 kids in tow, and then take those 2 back to the van and re-buckle and then make a 20+ minute drive all in 15 minutes (Kynsie starts & finishes 15 minutes before Kyan), they relented. It would have meant that Kyan was late every day AND that a teacher had to wait for me to pick him up EVERY day. That was the crux of the issue. So, we got everything we requested. I am thankful. Thank you for your prayers. We definitely felt them!

Tomorrow is a BIG day.

2010-04-20T18:47:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is the IEP meeting. This is where everyone and their grandma sits around a table to make goals and set placement i.e. where Kyan and Kynsie will go to school next year. As I think I mentioned the powers that be are not concerned with keeping them at the same school, so this is set to be an issue for sure. It appears that they are already circling the horses and gearing up for a fight, so it is natural that I am feeling the need to prepare. I am dotting my I's and crossing my T's and yet I feel it is not enough. As a parent, you just can not be all that your child needs when he/she or both has special needs. I can't tell you enough how powerless it makes me feel. I have fought for them since they were in my belly, and I don't intend to stop today, but just once I'd like not to have to fight so freaking hard, and I DONT think that is too much to ask.

I will sit down and be rational and calm and professional, but what I really want to do is sit down and SCREAM "DO YOUR FREAKING JOB! BE THE PEOPLE YOU PROMISED YOURSELF YOU WOULD BE WHEN YOU GOT INTO THIS FIELD! DO WHAT IS BEST FOR MY CHILDREN, NOT WHAT IS LEGALLY ENOUGH!" and a few other choice words that I won't publish at this time. Hopefully those words will remain tucked away at least until tattle tale can read them and pass them along. Hopefully he/she will at least have the decency to let me get through the meeting tomorrow. If not, I stand by anything I have said on this blgo, so I am not terribly concerned. Just makes me mad. I digress.

Please say a prayer for us. This meeting begins at 7:30 am. Just pray we get the best for them. That's all I am asking. thanks.

Short Update

2010-04-18T18:12:00.002-05:00

Sorry for the delay. We survived the trip to see Dr. Bernui and got a new treatment protocol for Kyan and some changes for Kynsie and Braylen. Over all it was a good visit. Exhausting, but good. I only have a minute so I just wanted to let inquiring minds know that we are alive. I have not blogged since we got back for a couple of reasons, 1 being exhaustion. 2--Earth Fest was Saturday, and Cutie Tooties had a booth. Lots of fun, people, and sunshine, but again--tired.

And finally...it appears that a reader of our blog is trying to cause a little trouble for us. I'm not going to get into it any more than that. I considered requiring a password for the blog, but Brandon's Grandparents check it faithfully, and I don't want to put them through that hassle. Plus I want people to know our story. So for now, the blog will stay as it is. HOWEVER--if your goal is to be a tattle tail--2 words for you GO AWAY!

I'm pretty sure I know who the problem is, not too hard to figure out. So again, be quiet or go away.

That is all for now. Bath time is calling. More soon!

Dr. Bernui Appt Tomorrow

2010-04-14T21:09:00.002-05:00

We are heading to see Dr. Bernui tomorrow. This is our yearly trek (only 3 hrs in the van) to see him. There will be gallons of blood drawn and lots of tears. We will be sucked dry--mentally, emotionally, & physically.

Please pray that he will have wisdom to tell us where to go from here with each of the kids--kyan especially. Dr. Bernui is a Christian and will pray with us when we get there, so I know his heart is open to God's guidance. We just need some help in the prayer department.

Thanks in advance! Will update when I can!

My WORST Nightmare

2010-04-14T11:52:00.002-05:00

Nadia-little girl lost in Florida swamp for 4 days-has Autism. Thank God she had a good outcome. I just can't imagine what her parents endured. In case you have been living under a rock, here's the story.

The School Conundrum

2010-04-10T11:21:00.002-05:00

If deciding which school your child will attend is a simple choice for you, be thankful. We are at a weird crossroads. Kynsie needs to be in a inclusion class which basically means she would be in a regular pre-k class, but would have special education consult. She would still get speech and occupational therapies, and would be monitored to be sure she was dig well and continuing to progress in the mainstream classroom.

Kyan still needs full special ed and desperately needs a class that is comprised of all high functioning autistic children, which unfortunately is no easy to come by. Kynsie has been in such a classroom for 2 years, but that class may or not continue to exist next year. As far as I know that is the only class of its type in Knox county. The rest of the special ed pre-k classes are made of kids with all different disabilities. For example, in Kyan's class there is a child that is blind, and an assortment of other disabilities but he is the only child with Autism as far as I can tell. Now, I really like his teacher, but no human can possibly help 6-8 kids achieve their ideal best when he/she is dealing with kids on COMPLETELY different levels or ability, with totally different challenges.

In addition, Kyan needs more therapy and more days of school than his teacher is recommending for him next year if he is going to be ready for kindergarten in 2011. He also needs summer classes, which are not being recommended.

On top of all of this, in spite of my requests, and teacher requests, the *supervisors* at their school are recommending that my kids go to our zoned school. This is protocol, but they do not have a program for Kynsie at all, which would mean that either she is in a class that doesn't meet her needs and she will likely regress OR that I would have all 3 kids each at a different school. Now I have moved heaven and earth to get them what they need, but this is a deal breaker. There are other schools that offer programs for both kids, and that is what we need.

I called and talked with the supervisor about this a month ago and really got nowhere. So I said we needed to have our IEP meeting early so that I can make plans for our kids. In addition I had called the governor's pre-k program which would be ideal for kynsie and got little info from them, mostly the run-around b/c we don't qualify for free lunch program, so we would be at the bottom of the list for acceptance as it is a high risk program.

For Kynsie, it boils down to my requests and teacher recommendations being ignored and overruled by a supervisor b/c of budget and protocol, which I don't give a rat's rear end about either. I raised a little hell and the meeting is coming up in a week. I prefer to be nice, but I am not backing down on this one, so I am prepared for a fight. They are legally required to provide a program that meets her needs, even if they have to create one--which they don't. I'm not asking for special bus service out of my zone, or a specific teacher. All I am asking is that they get the programming they need at the same school (which is available outside our zone) and I will transport them. I'm not putting them on a bus anyway.

Kyan would technically be ok at the zoned school, but would do better in a class of kids all high functioning with autism. AND we need them at the same school, so with no programming for kynsie, that school is out for him. Kyan's teacher is following the premise to recommend the minimum he needs to make some progress, rather than recommending the programming that would be BEST for him and that would help him succeed.

Unfortunately she is doing her job as she is instructed by superiors. Makes me furious. The minute these people decide that budget is more important than the success of special ed kids is the MOMENT they should retire and never look back. We don't want ya. We don't need ya.

If you are confused, you aren't alone. I am confused too. This is a pain in the butt! I am doing my research, making phone calls, talking with teachers, supervisors, people in the know, brushing up on the law for special ed kids AND visiting schools and principals so that I can go in informed. All of this makes me want to run for school board. Someone from the top needs to be looking out for our kids, and at this point it is every man for himself. If a parent doesn't kick and scream, their child will get the minimum required by law, period. Such a shame.

Autism in My Back Yard

2010-04-10T11:06:00.002-05:00

A True Story about a Knoxville Family Living With Severe Autism

This is in the words of another Knox County Mom, not mine. I just cut and pasted the story:

I met a mom about two years ago and this is her story. I am posting it because there are those of you that need to know, those that might be able to advise - or offer help, and those that just need to read what's going on around us.Mom said her son has been seen by a psychiatrist at Peninsula Hospital - ever since he was only eight. The doctor treated him for his behaviors without considering any intrinsic issues (allergies, autism, etc.). He has been on heavy medications at various times. He also carries the diagnosis of MR (mentally retarded) - which is not always the case with an autistic child. And, not all autistic children are violent.

My daughter Maren is an example of this.Currently - this child had found a regimen with Ridgedale. They knew what to expect of him. Then, at the end of last year - the County decided it would be in his best interest if he were in a classroom with peers his own size. Mom says he is still biggest in the new classroom at Halls. He has not adjusted well. They had an automobile accident at the first of this year and he has been traumatized. He was turned over to the hospital once again for tantrums.

The police escorted him - and refused parental involvement. They were limited to their time with him while he was contained. When they came to take him home after 1-2 days, mother said he was covered in bruises.She was very upset. She kept him home from school to try and work the trauma out.This week, he just returned and has had another episode. This time, something aggravated him and he did not eat his lunch. (My son will skip meals sometimes. When he does, violent behavior can become more likely.) This is what happened here. His mother packs his lunch - so it wasn't a matter of not wanting the food. He was upset about something and the teachers escalated it by not calling his mother. By the time his mother was contacted, he had pinned another teacher against a desk.

Our police force needs to be trained and so do our teachers. This mother has limited support and is going through hell because administration still believes our children - with violent tendencies - can fit through the general special ed peghole. These children become violent because their communication doesn't work with those who don't know what to look for.Pumping money by dragging more partially-trained teachers to the classroom is not going to work.

Guess what? Knox County is exposing themselves, their staff, and students to GREAT harm. Knox County is also not doing justice by their civil servants. And lastly, these kids - who are nothing more than confused and "wild" because of lack of language and keen sensory skills - are being labeled and treated as criminals - who soon will live up to how they are treated. Your tax dollars are being wasted all the way around from the time these kids enter classrooms to the streets where some wind up.

HELP - HELP - HELP! This is awareness and these are our problems. Parents of autism are not "looking for babysitting teachers". We're not looking for "a cadillac education in a town where education is not top priority". These things have been said, but I am going to try my d--n best to show you what our world is REALLY like. We are misinterpreted. Once society bothers to take the time to listen to these problems, EVERYONE - including your typical families who feel their classroom time is being wasted by our children - will see how this can be "fixed"!!!

I hope EVERYONE will consider a separate school facility for children with violent tendencies. This (thanks to Debi Haney's idea) is the only way it will work for them. The others who are high functioning can work well with others - though they have their special criteria, too. I am willing to join any effort/team to try and get help for these kids and peacefully approach lawmakers when necessary.Thank you!

Donna

p.s. Critics might say that a school like this would have a black cloud over it because of the type of children it houses. What's the difference - they're gaining a bad reputation in regular school systems? At least they would have the help they need under one roof.

Pear Trees, Gardening, & Easter

2010-04-04T22:10:00.006-05:00

My beautiful tulip tree

I have wanted fruit trees for years b/c my kids eat LOTS of fruit. I finally broke down and bought 2 pear trees and Brandon planted them this weekend. We are a bit late as they are not dormant anymore, but we are giving it a shot anyway. Brando had helpers....

Sassy pants here wanted to "Do it by self!"

Kyan had no interest. He has recently slipped back into Autism world. Stimming a LOT playing functionally very little. It makes me sad.

Here he is taking the hoe bought the kids and dragging it up and down the driveway OVER AND OVER AND OVER b/c he likes the scraping sound it makes against the concrete. We finally had to take it away. Have I told you lately how much I HATE Autism?

Braylen and the tree planting cont'd

My garden before pic.

My sweety tilling it up for me. This year's garden has expanded significantly!

garden after picture
This year I planted the following: green beans,cucumbers, lettuce, spinach, brocolli, potatoes, zuchinni, squash, okra, peas, corn, carrots, dill. I transplanted strawberry plants and still need to plant tomatoes. Almost finished. Many of these are new crops for me, so I am interested to see how they do.

Trees day 2: adding the mulch
So dirty and so happy. After this weekend, we had to mop kitchen and bathroom. Dirt everywhere!

This was th first year I actually bought Easter outfits for the kids because they have done so well at church, I thouht we would actually get o go together. Well, as I mentioned before, Kyan has been having a hard time. Mom and I took the kids to a playground Friday and Kyan was melting down by the swings All of the people (super crowded) and having to share so many times was just more than he could take. People were staring, and finally I looked up and said "Today is Autism Awareness Day. THIS is Autism." One lady half-smiled at me and the others began studying their shoes. GRRR. Anyway, Brandon and I decided that the craziness of Easter Sunday would probably be more than he could handle. Taking the others wasn't a choice b/c Kyan would think he was being punished. He LOVES going to church, and we could not possibly explain chaos, and over stimulation to a child who gets over-stimulated. So we got our cute Easter outfits on and went to Grammy's. Grammy and Grandad were in townthis week and kids got to play with them and cousins.

Eating lunch and watching Little Bear.

Easter Egg Hunt. Braylen was ALL about it!
Kynsie became motivated when she learned there were smarties in the eggs.
Kyan had to be bribed. He spent almost the whole time on the porch playing with bubbles. No interest in hunting eggs.
Found Smarties
PLaying with their bubble blowers
Checking out the loot

Autism Awareness Day

2010-04-03T10:26:00.009-05:00

So many of you know that yesterday April 2, was World Autism Awareness Day. I suppose I *should* be thrilled about this but honestly it's a mixed bag for me. On the one hand, I am glad that there was actually some decent coverage on all media outlets about the Autism epidemic, but beyond that, I am not all that impressed.

I believe that many well-meaning people (perhaps you) wore blue in support of Autism awareness, but all I could think is This is not a pep-rally. This is our life. Our reality. Our childrens' futures, and it is much more serious than it's being made out to be.

Sure, the President got up and gave some grim-faced speech of serious words and compassion and concern, but what good does that do me, or my children for that matter? I don't need sympathy or pity, and neither do our kids. What good does that do? What we need is HELP. What our kids need is options and the promise of a future. What I want to hear is the TRUTH about the seirousness of the Autism epidemic and a plan to get to the root of the problem and get serious about getting a handle on it.

It seems that only parents of kids with Autism are freaking out, when truly this is everyone's problem. It makes me think of a Friends episode: The Last One Part 1. Chandler and Monica find out their adoptive birthmother is giving birth to twins instead of a singleton. Chandler's response is how I feel about the Autism epidemic.

Chandler: Uh huh! Join me, won't you?

Autism is everyone's problem for several reasons. Did you know that it takes approximately $3.5 MILLION to raise a child with Autism? And did you know that 1 in 53 boys in America is Autistic? Let's think about this purely from a practical standpoint for a moment. Who do you think is going to pay for some of that $3.5 Million per child? YOU. 2 of my 3 kiddos are on Social Security Disability. Lucky for you and other tax payers, my kids probably won't qualify forever, and thus won't receive money, but MOST kids with Autism who qualify will continue to do so for the rest of their lives. Many will never go on to be "productive" taxpaying citizens. SO what happens when these people continue to need care but no longer have health insurance through their parents? Many will have to be put into a facility at some point in their lives as family members/care givers die and are unable to continue their care. Who pays for this? Yep, once again you and me.

And then lets think about the military for a moment. It's no secret that military recruitment is at a SUPER low right now. What will happen in 10 years when 1 in 53 boys is automatically ineligible to join the military and ineligible for a draft if it becomes necessary?

And it is important to realize that Autism is no respecter of persons. Just because you are reading this today and have no personal experience with Autism, that doesn't mean it will be so tomorrow. I assure you I never expected to be here. Autism steals your child right in front of your eyes and you are powerless to stop it. It is a horrible reality that no number of blue shirt wearing individuals can grasp. I am horrified by Autism, and truly you should be too. If not for the emotional reasons, then for the practical ones I mentioned above. This is a crisis and it continues to get worse, yet we are getting no answers.

I wish instead of an Awareness day with an assortment of speeches and heartwarming stories, instead people would spend time with a family who has an Autistic child. I know that you may not come in contact with these families at school, as most kids are not mainstreamed, but you are surrounded by them at church, at the store, at the park. You need to really *SEE* what Autism is. To live it. You will be horrified too and want to be sure this epidemic is stopped yesterday.

I often worry that this blog is the only exposure many of you get to Autism, and that is unfortunate, because for all of our struggles, my kids Autism is EXTREMELY mild. My kids are high functioning. We caught it early, stopped vaccinating, implemented a special diet and supplement regimen years before most parents do, and my kids were in therapy at age 1. WE ARE BLESSED. And yet, we often drown with this Autism albatross around our necks. So how must other families feel?

Did you know that some children are in therapy 24 hrs per week, just for ABA? Add PT, OT, and Speech to that just to round things out. Then factor in that MOST children with Autism have co-morbid illnesses such as bowel problems, allergies, asthma, seizures, etc. Can you hear the clock ticking and that "ca-ching" of all of those medical bills just racking up? Oh--and insurance doesn't cover much if any of those services that can run up to $200 per hour.

Families are bankrupt emotionally as they grieve the loss of the child sitting before them. Marriages dissolve at a disturbingly high rate. Families collapse. Siblings fall to the way-side as the "sick" child dominates everyone's time. Money is gone, and so is peace of mind. And for many, there is no end in site. As I said, we have it EASY.

I want you to see and understand that we are simply the tip of the proverbial iceberg. We have it easy compared to what is out there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-tGimFAhMY

http://www.autismspot.com/blog/Yeah-I-was-hauled-home-police-cruiser-today-Read-find-out-why

http://fast-archway.blogspot.com/

So there are people who may watch all of this and think it is not a big deal, but I dare say no one would want to watch their child in the pain and suffering that many of these kids live in perpetually. Parents are not equipped for this. We have no idea what to do. The good options are expensive options, which makes them out of reach for some. The key is to stop this form happening to begin with. Autism used to occur 1 in 10,000 kids. It still occurs at that rate from birth. It's regressive Autism that is CRAZY high and continuing to climb. *Something* (things) is causing this.

If you aren't horrified, you should be. No blue t-shirt can touch this. We don't need to throw pennies at it and get our cute blue puzzle piece shirt in hopes that our pennies will multiply themselves and fix this. It is going to take a lot more than pennies and A LOT of people who do NOT have kids with Autism to stop this madness. Why people *without* Autistic kids? Because for the rest of us, every minute is a battle. Going to the store is a battle. Changing a diaper, a battle. We fight entire wars in 30 minutes that no one else EVER faces in a lifetime. We NEED help. We need parents to get pissed off that this is happening and to demand answers. People to whom no one can say "well, you just want someone to blame for your kid's Autism". We need grandparents to insist that something be done. We must demand it from our government and this takes time and energy that frankly, people in my shoes don't have.

As you raise a typical child, it gets easier as you go along. As you raise a child with Autism, it just gets different, but there is ALWAYS a battle.

Get involved some way. If people don't en mass, there will be tons of you reading this right now blogging about your experience with Autism in just a few short years.

I'm Panicking. Join me, won't you?

Food Inc. A MUST WATCH

2010-03-29T13:26:00.003-05:00

If you live in America and eat *food*, you seriously need to watch Food Inc.

I assure you that even the most educated of you will be completely shocked and probably horrified at some of the practices in our food processing in this country. I mean, who knew that ammonia kills bacteria so well that one of the big meat packing companies who provides beef for a huge portion of fast food restaurants would spray all of its beef with AMMONIA befre packing it up and sending out to restaurants and the clueless public?

Have you evcr read the label on a bottle of Ammonia? What is Ammonia?

Have you ever heard of Monsanto? You need to know about Monsanto if you eat food in the U.S.

Bottomline, we all need to know what we are consuming and what we are feeding our children. This movie is disturbing. I walked away feeling like we have been had, and there is enough blame to go around....and around a few more times. Bottom line, our government, FDA, and the powers that be have their thumbs on farmers and they are given very few options. As a result, we are given bigger, shinier, cheaper, more toxic *food* every day. And our country just keeps getting fatter and sicker, but instead of looking for the sources of these problems, we just medicate. It is much easier to take a pill than to change a lifestyle, but is easier really all that we strive for? Is easy and convenient truly the pinnacle for people? If so, that makes me sad. Don't get me wrong, I like easy. I yearn for it often, but I don't mistake easy for best, and hope none of us does.

Regardless of your thoughts oncurrent government and agricultural procedures, and the state of our food supply, watch the movie or read the book, or both. THEN make your judgement. You can rent Food Inc. at Blockbuster or purchase it at amazon.com.

Here's the website with more information. You can watch the Food Inc. trailer there.

Kiddy update

2010-03-27T09:22:00.003-05:00

We've had a rough patch with Braylen. He has a little *friend* at school, a new boy who has been tormenting him for 2 months. Since that little boy arrived 2 months ago, Braylen started having nightmares, and then acting VERY aggressively, which is COMPLETELY out of character for him. He also started misbehaving at school. Screaming so loud and so frequently 2 weeks ago that his teacher had to take the class guinea pig home and give him a vacation until after Easter--because of Braylen! I have needless to say been busy attempting to deal with this. Honestly at first I was super angry. My instant response was I can't deal with this from you. Kyan, I am used to, but you have always been my sweet boy, I can not take this! Shortly after having that thought, I cried the whole way to drop them off at school. I remember exactly where I was when the tears came. I seriously prayed, Lord Kyan is all that I can handle. I can not take this from Braylen too.

Braylen began hitting, kicking, screaming, BITING. You name it. It was like he was possessed--and I did begin to wonder about that fairly seriously. He was THAT bad. It didn't help at all that this all came to a head when Brandon was in Ohio for 5 days! For good measure, add that Barbara was leaving us as a babysitter to take care of her sick brother, and Patty now has a "real" grandchild, so we only see her every couple of weeks at best. My parents were in Union City, so I was going it solo, and it wasn't pretty. I tried everything humanly possible (that wasn't harmful) and got no where.

Thankfully this little boy had his last day yesterday. Other parents had complained. Another little boy was having nightmares and afraid to go to school b/c of this child, so it wasn't just us.

In addition, I came to the realization that my drill sergeant parenting just wasn't working. No number of time outs, swats on the behind, toys taken away, etc. was getting through. Toys were still being thrown, hitting still occurring, and I was OVER IT. If any of us was permissive, it would be one thing. On the contrary, I think we are pretty strict. I EXPECT my kids to be respectful and behave. But my tactics were not working. So I decided to buy a book that was recommended to me a while back by our church counselor. I had heard about it again after that. You know how that goes. you hear a word, or about a book for the first time and like the scales have fallen off, you suddenly see it and hear about it everywhere.

The book is called 1-2-3 Magic Parenting. I can't explain the book in a quick blurb because there are specific techniques that you use. All I can say is that while I was skeptical, I was willing to try anything. My ideas certainly weren't working. For us, this book's plan is working. AND--I am a lot less frustrated. It allows me to see Kyan in a different way, I think because I am more calm. This book helped me disengage from the emotional battle of the wills, and simply participate in discipline and then we all move on. I LOVE IT! Brandon is on board, because he is wonderful :)

It has been good for us. I was shocked, but I feel that this has been WONDERFUL for us. It helps children experience natural consequences, and it gives parents a game plan so you aren't on your heels trying to decide on discipline in the moment. Does this warrant a timeout? Should I take a way toy? Do I give a warning? That goes away.

So far, so good. If you are looking for a solution to tantrums and discipline issues, give 1-2-3 Magic a shot.

You Gonna Eat That?

2010-03-22T09:34:00.004-05:00

If you have been following us for long, you know that I am a bit of a worrier. HA! But I am also a HUGE advocate of educating yourself and asking questions. *Thanks Mom & Dad for not killing me when I literally questioned the way in which you breathe*. Seriously, being strong-willed, confident, and a bit suspicious of anyone who says trust me. this is what is best for you is a gift from my parents. They managed to survive me and not crush all of that independence, for which I am grateful. I try to remember to offer that grace to my kids. It is HARD, but I try.

Now onto the point. I have posted here before about the junk that is in our food, but now there is more to talk about. In case you missed it, Jamie Oliver (also known as The Naked Chef-And no, he doesn't cook in the Nude. ) has started something called the Food Revolution. It is a show that is airing on ABC. Jamie's belief is that American students are entitled to wholesome, nutritious meals at school. So he is taking on schools in the most at-risk areas and attempting to turn the Titanic around by convincing them to make changes to help steer their children onto a better course for a healthy life. This show is a MUST WATCH for parents.

Check out the show and consider signing Jamie's Petition that will be shared with our President.

And finally, my challenge for you today.
Before you feed your child (or yourself) something from a box, bag, or wrapper today, READ THE INGREDIENTS. If there is something on there that you can not pronounce, OR that you need a dictionary to identify, TOSS IT.

There are MANY "ingredients" in our food that aren't even food at all. They are chemicals. Don't believe me? Check it out yourself. Prepare to be shocked.

8 Great Points by Holly Robinson Peete

2010-03-17T18:19:00.002-05:00

This article by Holly R. Peete Appears on the huffington Post site here.

Over the years many parents have reached out to me for emotional support after their child was diagnosed with autism. I particularly remember getting Jenny McCarthy's phone call shortly after her son's diagnosis. Like most moms and dads, she needed to connect with somebody who knew first hand the swift gut-kick of this difficult diagnosis, somebody who had been in the trenches for 7 years already.

We cried. We cussed. We even managed to laugh. We spoke for eight hours. She was naturally frustrated with the lack of answers about autism. I was there for her as I'd be for any parent, and I told her she was blessed to get such an early diagnosis. Her passion was palpable and I could tell she was going to grab autism by the horns, making it her mission and focus. I knew she'd help spread autism awareness like nobody else could and the media would pay attention. Since that phone call, she has created a very successful platform with her powerful opinions, blogs and books on vaccine safety, diet and recovering her son among other things. It has been a courageous, controversial and fearless ride. Miss Jenny is not scared to get in the ring with the big boys!

Though I share many of same concerns, I feel compelled to shed light on the fact that families affected by autism are struggling on multiple levels. We need a shift of focus to share the spotlight with other often overshadowed issues that profoundly impact families daily.
To that end, below I highlight 8 things about autism the media is not covering enough. They are not hot-button, provocative or headline-grabbing, but with 1 in 110 children affected by autism (and rising), these issues desperately need more attention:

1. Autism Is Unaffordable
I'd love to see more media focus on how ridiculously expensive it is to treat a child with autism. You can counsel folks all day long to get early intervention, but who in the world can pay for it? Therapies can average over $100-$150 an hour - many require up to 14 or more hours a week. With insurance companies still not covering the vast amount of therapies needed, too many families are forced to pay out of pocket for much of these expenses. A 2006 Harvard study puts the average cost of services for an individual with autism is $3.2 million over his/her lifetime! A total of $35 billion a year is spent on services for individuals with autism in the U.S. The numbers have climbed since then...

Bottom line is treatment is completely and ridiculously unaffordable and can financially bring a family to its knees... even in good times.

Families live on pins and needles with hopes that they're doing the right thing. But the fact is for too many, the things we want to do are simply out of reach financially. I can think of no worse scenario than not being able to afford to help your child.

2. Parental Guilt
So if you are blessed enough to afford it, in my experience it seems that some kids can improve tremendously with a mix of intensive behavioral, biomedical and other treatments. But the fact is so many likely will never be "recovered" and nothing, I mean nothing, makes a parent feel more guilty than thinking you could've "fixed" your kid but... well you didn't or couldn't afford to. If you have a child who is non-verbal and severely impacted by autism, for example, and all you want to hear is him speak or just use the word "no" appropriately, it can be maddening to hear that someone else did x, y or z and now their kid is no longer on the spectrum at all. So many parents have shared with me how badly they feel about this. And although I personally have broken my butt for my son and though he has overcome many challenges we were told he would not, he still has autism. What could I have done better? Oh the guilt! Don't get me wrong, I am always elated for any child's success in this journey, but it can be very hard to swallow at times-making you feel like a failure. Just one mom's opinion, keeping it real...
Alas, accepting my son's progress or lack thereof is the key to moving forward with my head up.

3. Puberty Plus Autism Can Be a Volatile Mix
Our son is almost 13 and has entered puberty. Oftentimes kids on the spectrum can start puberty prematurely, and it can be an extremely jarring experience.
A dear friend of mine and autism "Superdaddy" explains puberty's effect on autism like this: "[Puberty is] an 'oy vey' for a normal child but it can send hormones racing in a child with autism that they don't know how to deal with."

The hormonal surge can cause violent and unpredictable behavior. Stress and depression can develop accompanied by social ostracism.

Our son has suddenly regressed recently after making so much progress, bringing us a new set of challenges we hadn't anticipated. We always always remain extremely hopeful and have been blessed beyond our wildest dreams with what he has been able to overcome to this point. But puberty has been a challenge more parents need to be prepared for. It can be a completely different dynamic at this age. Let's get that out there, please.

4. Minority Children are Diagnosed with Autism Years Later Than Other Children

There are a lot of mysteries about autism. But one thing we know, according to a study covered by CNN:
if a child is diagnosed with autism as early as 18 months of age, offering the toddler age-appropriate, effective therapy can lead to raised IQ levels and improved language skills and behavior.

That's why the fact that African American, Asian and Hispanic children tend to be diagnosed much later than other children (sometimes 2-5 years later) is extremely concerning and needs more attention. One reason these children are diagnosed later is that there are more barriers for socio-economically challenged families to access information. Certain developmental milestones are ignored, unknown or overlooked. Another part of the reason is that there are some cultural and social stigmas about mental health and a fear of talking openly or seeking help for them. So the hope often is that the child will just grow out of it. We just need way more infiltration of autism information and support in minority communities, which will hopefully result in earlier diagnosis. I've visited black churches with this message letting them know they can be extremely helpful in this effort. We can't allow the window for "age-appropriate, effective therapy" to close on these kids.

5. Autism Can Be Tough on A Marriage
Autism is not a divorce mandate. Often it can bond a family tighter. But too often the financial and/or emotional toll autism can take leaves some couples feeling distanced from each other. This was the case with our marriage. My husband and I narrowly survived statistic status. But over the last 10 years I have marveled at his ability to evolve as a father and husband during this bumpy ride that he chronicled in his new book Not My Boy! A Father, A Son, and One Family's Journey with Autism (Hyperion).
I want to shamelessly plug my former NFL QB's evolved, honest account of his pain of dealing with this diagnosis. His personal revelation was that he had to adjust his expectations of his son. Our hope is that Not My Boy! will help so many dads (and moms) confront these challenges without feeling so alone. Rodney has taught me that men process things so differently. I could have been more patient and empathetic with respect to that... a book like this might have offered me that insight earlier on.
Couples digging deep to find the strength and resources to take on this fight together may be rewarded by actually connecting more deeply through this journey instead of being fractured by it.

6. Autism's Effect on Siblings
We don't see too much coverage about what the siblings of autism endure.
Ruined play dates, family outings cut short due to a brother's or sister's public meltdown, feelings of neglect, life planned exclusively around the affected child, social stigma... the list goes on.

It can be devastating for a typical child to have to grow up in such an environment. Sibs are often overlooked and really need a bit of attention; parents need tips to help the siblings cope.
I'm so hopeful this will change a bit with the release of My Brother Charlie, a new children's book co-written by my daughter and me. (We've been a busy family!) Told from a sister's perspective, in My Brother Charlie Callie acknowledges that while it hasn't always been easy for her to be Charlie's twin, she advocates lovingly for her brother, letting people know about all the cool things he can do well. I pray this book will go a long way towards fostering autism acceptance among children and mainstream schools. We found it hard to believe that there wasn't already such a book in children's libraries, considering the rising number of children on the spectrum. We are thrilled that Scholastic stepped up enthusiastically to embrace this important effort.

7. Adults Living with Autism
The face of autism is changing. Our children grow up. Understandably, every parent stresses about what will become of their child with autism in adulthood. It's my own personal recurring nightmare. We ask ourselves: How will he make it in this cruel world without me? Will he live on his own? Will he ever get married or have meaningful relationships? Who will protect his heart? Our fears in this area can consume us.
Here are a few sobering facts:

•More than 80% of adults with autism between 18 and 30 still live at home (Easter Seals)
•There is an 81% unemployment rate among adults with autism (CARD)
•78% of families are unfamiliar with agencies that could help them (CARD)
•At least 500,000 children with autism will become adults during the next decade, and they will need homes, jobs, friends and a future

The good news is many adults living with this disorder live very fulfilling lives, but too many face a variety of difficulties including anxiety, depression, anger and social isolation.
We must create meaningful respectful futures for adults with autism that include homes, jobs, recreation, friends and supportive communities. They are valuable citizens!
How glorious would it be to get more media attention on this particular issue.
And bravo to Fox Searchlight Pictures for their beautiful and enlightening film Adam, which gave great insight into what it is like for a young man with Asperger's syndrome to live and thrive on his own.

8. Autism Advocates Who Actually Have Autism:
What a concept! Rarely do you hear any stories in the media about people actually affected by autism ever weighing in on the issues surrounding it. Because people on the spectrum may seem disengaged, they hear you talking about them and can develop frustration at not being able to respond to issues that affect them. We all need to remember that...

I have had some enlightening and profound conversations with folks on the spectrum who have made it very clear that they feel completely excluded from any national autism conversation. I've had some ask me to be very mindful about my language when speaking about autism. For example, several have said to me they cringe at the word "cure." Many have expressed that they feel this was their destiny, that they were born this way so stop trying to "cure me." Whatever our views or personal agendas, we have to respect that.

Others have been frustrated by the polarizing issues disproportionately covered in the media and would prefer for us neuro-typicals to focus that energy towards trying to understand their world, how they see things. "Come into my world!" one 25 year old young man with Asperger's told me passionately.

My friend, 14-year-old Carly Fleischmann, has autism, and has taught me more about it through her expressive writings than I've learned in any book! You go, Carly!
I am also so grateful to HBO for recently airing the sensational Temple Grandin, finally giving us an image in the media of an adult with autism advocating beautifully and articulately for others like herself.

Bottom line: Their opinions should be heard, valued and included.
So here's to breaking off 8 rays of the media spotlight towards some other important autism issues. Families affected by autism deserve more than just fiery headlines; we deserve a 360 degree, multi-faceted conversation. Spread the word!

Holly Robinson PeeteActress, Author, Proud Mom of Four

What Would You Do Different?

2010-03-17T09:51:00.003-05:00

I get this a lot in regards to vaccines. My friend from high school just emailed me to tell me that his wife is due to deliver their first baby in a couple of weeks and he is very concerned about vaccines. He has done some of his own research, but wanted my thoughts on the subject. As you can imagine, I wrote a mini-novel with my thoughts--poor guy. Since many of you have asked me what I would do differently, I am going to paste my response to him here.

Sunny Hammonds Hall March 16 at 3:04pm
hey. congrats on the baby. you are worlds ahead of the game already. dr. Sears book is liberal in my opinion but a LOT better than the current schedule. my recommendation is to find a different doctor. Consider a family practitioner rather than a pedi as family docs tend to be more lenient. Unfortunately vaccines are a huge money maker. US companies sell them all over the world and its about $7 Billion in profits year. To complicate matters, there are people like Dr. Paul Offitt. (http://www.ageofautism.com/2008/05/washington---fa.html) he gets on Tv saying that kids can withstand thousands of shots at once, and b/c he has M.D. behind his name and he works at a children's hospital, people believe him. the problem? he owns the patent for the rototeq vaccine and is on Merck's payroll. Interestingly enough, he is also on the committee that decides which shots are mandatory for our kids. Nice, huh? SO unfortunately, you are dead on about the money issue. I am not anti-vaccine. I am anti-the current vaccine schedule and anti-the crap that are in our kids shots.

Go to this page at the CDC's website: http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/pubs/pinkbook/downloads/appendices/B/excipient-table-2.pdf that tells you what ingredients are in each vaccine.

***Note*** aluminum, aborted fetal cells, formaldehyde, etc. the irony here, is that if you are pregnant, and trying to become a nurse, colleges will not allow you to take anatomy & physiology b/c the formaldehyde used to embalm the cadavers can be harmful to your baby in utero, but it is ok to inject it into a baby's bloodstream, repeatedly. ??? (my friend kelly is taking A & P and her preggo friend was forced to drop the class. they also can not chew gum in the class b/c that exposes them to formaldehyde and is dangerous for adults. nice, huh?

my issue with the schedule is that it is way too many WAY too soon. The hepatitis B shot is given at birth to all babies unless parents sign a refusal at the hospital/ Hep B is a STD. Unless mom is positive, or baby is having sex or shooting up drugs, there is NO risk for the baby. So why give it? why not give it before middle school? It is not even a reduced thimerisol shot, as far as I know. my mom found my shot record and when I compared it to today's, it is scary. Here is a link with alternative shot schedules AND things you can do to help reduce the risk of a reaction for your baby:
http://www.generationrescue.org/vaccines.html

My advice is to research the illnesses these shots are supposed to prevent, and see what treatment for them is. Talk to your parents and grandparents. Most of them probably had chicken pox, measles, mumps, rubella and whooping cough. Whooping cough is scary in newborns, but after 2 months of age, the risk goes down. AND you are getting out of the rough season for that as far as I know. Problem is that pertussis isn't offered separately, only with diphtheria and tetanus, both of which are pretty useless. Even fully vaccinated kids will be given at tetanus shot at the ER if they step on a nail. AND the Dtap has a high rate of negative reaction. I can't tell you what to do, but of the shots my kids got that day, I suspect this was our trigger. that and the cumulative effects of all of the shots, combined with family history of auto-immune disease. just a perfect storm.polio--has not been a wild case in US since 1970ish. Since then ALL cases have been caused by that vaccine.

Meningicoccal--meningitis scares the crap out of me. I would probably give it. but not before 2 yrs.
flu shots--no way on earth. my kids got both flus this year and recovered fine AND they are immuno-compromised. the flu sucks, but I wouldn't vaccinate for it. Swine flu was a bunch of hype. people died WITH it, but not from it. they had other issues like asthma, emphysema, etc that was always a footnote to the swine flu hot story.

rotavirus--no way on earth. rotavirus SUCKS. we used to call it stomach flu when we were little. it is horrible and your kid will get it at some point, BUT kids don't die from rotavirus, they die from dehydration. in the US, there is no excuse for that. get them to the hospital. this shot was pulled off the market when my kids were born b/c it caused intussusception of bowel. basically an obstruction, which can kill children. Google the term. I can't explain it well, but it's like the intestine closes in on itself like a telescope would. So, flash forward, Dr. Offtt revamps his vaccine and its back in the schedule. My friends child is hospitalized last year for bowel problems ( he was 1 and 1/2 yrs) and doc immediately says, "It was probably causes from the rotavirus vaccine". turns out the child has a birth defect, BUT the doc immediately assumed that was the cause and the child definitely had received the *new* vaccine. not good.

MMR-- would never give it combined like this. used to be available separately and if people keep calling Merck and demanding it, they will start again. my kids didn't get the MMR. we didn't get that far thank God. talk to your family about these illnesses. grandparents, parents, aunts uncles. probably all had these illnesses and survived without problem. They are nasty but rarely life threatening.

chicken pox--what a joke. AAP recommends getting this shot b/c chicken pox can be "expensive and inconvenient for parents" see the info here--http://www.aap.org/advocacy/releases/chickenpox.pdf you can die from chicken pox. it can happen, but you can die from a paper cut too. I wouldn't give this shot to my kids.

Check out this link:http://www.generationrescue.org/vaccine_information/vaccine-ingredients-possible-adverse.htm

this shows the actual inserts from certain vaccines and the side effects the vaccine-maker admits to. you will note that Autism is an admitted side effect for DTaP.

Finally--sorry this is so long. People say that there is proof that vaccines do not cause autism. the truth is, they don't know. there had NEVER been a large study of vaccinated vs. non-vaxed kids to compare rates of autism or other auto-immune diseases such as ADHD, Asthma, allergies--which tend to be co-morbid with autism. SO how can they prove any of this? in addition thimerisol and 1 other ingredient (which escapes me now) are the only ingredients that have been tested for a correlation with autism. Not even the whole shot, much less all of them combined. When a shot is approved, it simply means that it has been tested *by itself* for a matter of weeks, not months or years. So, it is not tested for long-term safety or for how it might interact with any other single vaccine or virus, much less the other 3-5 that your child might get in the same sitting. That testing isn't done. Scientists argue the point, but most agree that there is no known safe level of mercury for humans, so when a doc says that the amount of thimerisol in a vax is trace, keep in mind that there is no safe amount and that mercury LOVES fatty tissue like the brain and it can hang out in the body for years. here's an interesting article:http://www.alternet.org/environment/19903

If it was me, I would try to keep my baby out of daycare. I would try to wait until 2 years of age to give any shots as that is when the blood brain barrier forms and this helps protect the brain from toxins. encourage kim to breastfeed at all costs. plan on visiting the lactation consultant until she and baby get it right. encourage her to breastfeed for at least 1 year. try to hold off on solids for baby until after 6 months--and yes, this means rice cereal too. tell kim to take a good probiotic every day and give the baby one daily. feed baby organic food once he/she gets into solids--at least dairy, meats and produce. if you give vaccines, follow those suggestions from generation rescue on how to reduce the risk of a reaction.(http://www.generationrescue.org/vaccines.html)

Also- only give one shot at a time and give a month in between. that way if baby reacts, you know for sure which shot causes it. (we do this for baby food, why not vaccines?) Viral overload is not commonly discussed mainstream in regards to vaccines but there is good research that indicates that the autoimmune system may overreact and basically get stuck in high gear when the body receives to many viruses in an unnatural way (via bloodstream as opposed to touching an infected area, touching one's nose and being infected naturally). this "being stuck" business may explain all of the food allergies, eczema, reflux, autism, adhd, diabetes issues that have gone through the roof in kids.

so, sorry this is a novel. find a good doc and stick to your guns. you can't un-ring the bell.
Sunny

*disclaimer* I am not an M.D. this is simply what I would do if I had it to do all over again.

The Video

2010-03-15T19:48:00.001-05:00

They totally watered it down. Cut the data and research and statistics that I gave them. Cut out the fact that my kids have Autism. Pretty useless interview in my opinion, but here it is.

On the News Today

2010-03-15T13:16:00.002-05:00

So, I had initially planned to give a much over due update on the kids and school and such, but instead wanted to tell you about my crazy day. I seriously think I am allergic to Mondays. We were running slightly behind his morning--5 mins. Not too bad, but I got hung up in traffic, (wh knew timechange would effect traffic?) so that meant I was late getting to he gym for my 30 min quicky exercise session. I resigned myself to a 15 minute run and was headed to the locker room when I felt wetness on my outter leg from my gym bag. My new bottle of Downy wrinkle releaser had soaked my only semi-clean pair of jeans and my underwear. I could live with the jeans, but not the underwear. So I rushed home and showered and got dressed. In the midst of this, I received Braylen's teacher's lesson plan via email (thank you blackberry). In it it said "remember, today we make our own pizzas". Well, I didn't remember b/c I was never told! So, had to act fast and get Brandon to stop his work and round up the ingredients and get it to Braylen's school or else he wouldn't get to participate a he can't have any "normal" pizza ingredients. Put out that fire and decided I could not face the day without caffeine so I grabbed a route 44 Sonic un-sweet peach tea (even though I was late) and headed to the store. 3 sets of customers were waiting on me. That never happens, especially on Mondays. 2 more quickly followed. AND--the UPS man came at 10:01 a.m. and instead of leaving my package with my next door neighbor, let me a stupid sticky note saying he'd be back tomorrow. GRRRR. Oh and P.S., my pants are still wet at this point on both sides. My phones begin ringing (cell and business) and people keep coming, good and bad, Glad to be busy, but super stressed. At this point I have no makeup on and wet hair pulled back in a pony tail. I am still fuming about the UPS box, and of course--wet pants. The phone rings and it is a local news reporter who wants to interview me this morning for the evening news about vaccines. YIKES!! I got ill just typing that. Such a good opportunity to spread info about vaccines, but man could I be less prepared? We agreed he would come in an hour and I requested prayer from friends and family and prayed for wisdom. Oh yeah, and I yanked out that pony tail and quickly applied some makeup. I think the interview went decently well. It is supposed to air either 5pm or 6pm news on WBIR for you Knoxville area folks. Hopefully it will be posted online later and I can post it here. Now I am just trying to recover from my morning. Oh--forgot to mention that our new babysitter started today and picked the kids up from school. NO STRESS FOR ME AT ALL TODAY.

CSPC Warning on SOME Baby Slings--My Take.

2010-03-13T19:46:00.001-05:00

CSPC Warning on use of SOME baby Slings/Carriers

In case you missed this news, here is a link. I think the critical point to take away from this is to be certain that your child is in an appropriate position. I am personally not a fan of bag slings such as the ones described for safety and lack of comfort for mom and baby. Carriers like Ergo Baby Carrier & Moby Wrap both offer upright positions for baby that helps prevent the dangerous C-shape body position that lead to suffocation for some of these babies. Please view page 2 of this pdf file by Moby Wrap. It shows what NOT to do, and I think it is beneficial for any babywearing mom to check this out to be sure you are keeping your baby safe. Moms have been safely babywearing for centuries.

It is also important to be sure you are paying attention when your baby is in a carrier. Make sure it is in good condition. Check weight limit for the carrier. Make sure it is the right size for you and baby. READ THE INSTRUCTIONS! Make sure you are using your carrier properly. Check for recalls, especially if you buy a used carrier. I think this should go without saying, but look at your baby. Be sure baby is breathing and pink.

Moms have been safely babywearing for centuries. Wet babies are slippery and you could drop them as a result, but that doesn't mean we don't need to give a baby a bath. It simply means that we need to be careful. Hopefully people will be able to glean wisdom from this without throwing the baby out with the bath water, so to speak.

Parenthood

2010-03-08T21:18:00.002-05:00

Last Tuesday Brandon and I were flipping channels and landed on the Pilot for Parenthood. It's a new show about a family whose dynamics remind me a lot of the family on the ABC show Brothers & Sisters--dysfunctional and at the same time loving. The show was just basically introducing the audience to everyone and then a family discovers that their son has Aspergers. It was VERY well played, too well in fact. Watching this father "see" that his son has Autism was painful. He played the experience perfectly. Brandon and I both teared up because we both remember so well what that felt like. For 2 days I was still in a funk. It was like I had been transported back a few years to the time and place when the bottom fell out of our lives.

I don't want to ruin it by giving you the details of the show, but you can watch Parenthood online here.

I hope the show was as telling for people not in our shoes as it was for us. I remember the day I realized that the Kynsie & Kyan's quirks that we once found cute & unique were actually red flags and not cute or unique at all. They were warning signs and we had been misreading them. I felt so betrayed, by my own ignorance. I had been seeing them, but I didn't see it. The elephant in the room. The big IT that mattered more than anything was right under our noses and we had no clue. That is a devastating place to find yourself. And parents do it every day. If you know a parent of a child with Autism, give them a hug. Pray for them. You may have no idea what their day to day life is like. Make them dinner. Offer to babysit their child. Encourage your child to play with theirs, even if its uncomfortable. Make the effort. Autism is lonely for everyone. Your support matters.

Miss Wishy Washy

2010-03-04T10:17:00.002-05:00

I am so bummed about this, not because I think Jenny McCarthy is a super fabulous person, but because her info about Autism up until this point has been abosultely right. In fact, I almost always say "Jenny McCarthy is kind of crazy, but her info about Autism is spot-on", when telling other people about Bio-med treatment. She has gotten and given a lot of attention to what parents like us and thousands of others have been doing long before she got on the Autism bandwagon. That attention has been good and bad, but mostly good.

Her "story" has become a reference point. I now can mention the words "biomedical treatment- like Jenny McCarthy" and people immediately have some clue of what I am talking about simply b/c of the press coverage. It has made our life easier b/c people no longer look at us like we have 3 heads when we talk about supplements, GFCF diet, and recovering our kids from Autism. So for that, I thank Jenny. What I don't like, and don't thank her for, is suddenly changing her position on her son's diagnosis and vaccinations. Jenny number 1, the one we have seen in public until this week, represents me and millions of other moms who are fighting the good fight. Jenny number 2 who showed up this week, well, I think she is flying solo. I read the article and wondered aloud Are we being punked? And then, Who finally paid her enough to change her mind?

Truth is, I don't know what happened. I do know that Jenny McCarthy owes it to all parents who have supported this former playboy model turned Autism advocate to explain herself in a real publication and a real interview, rather than giving some flip change of heart in a barely there online publication. Who knows? Perhaps she will use the new show she landed with Oprah after heart-tugging appearances on the O show, to tell her *new story*. I don't know. I know that I am angry.

This is like being in middle school on the kickball team of leftover kids that never gets picked. When they are down 20-1, suddenly the star football player decides to lead the team. Next thing you know these kids are in the game. They get a little more respect at school, and their day to day life with the outside world-is a little less painful, all because this football stud has put his stamp of approval on this bunch of people by sharing in their pain. Then suddenly, like a bad middle school drama, football boy changes his mind and decides it was all a joke, and he's ready to move on to other projects. It would have been better for all of them, if he had just left them alone to begin with. Truly this flip-flop has done more damage than any of the previous good done.

The rest of us parents in the fight against Autism will continue on today just as we did before Jenny McCarthy, but now I suspect we will find that we are treated as more of a joke than we were before she hit the Autism scene. Thanks, Jenny. Thanks A LOT!

Bike Riding Machines

2010-03-04T10:00:00.005-05:00

All 3 kiddos have big kid bicycles. This was the gift from Santa this year. Kynsie can ride hers pretty well. Braylen is a speed demon. Kyan just gets too frustrated trying to pedal, and truly it isn't worth it. SO, you will notice him on a tricycle, which is fine with us. In these pictures, Sis is riding a pink riding toy. She just didn't feel like pedaling that weekend.

So Sad....

2010-02-26T23:57:00.002-05:00

This news story just breaks my heart, but it doesn't surprise me. We are so blessed that our children are truly high functioning, and yet there have been many days when I wondered how I could get up the next morning and fight it all again. This Mom just made a series of misguided choices and it ended horribly. I am sure it is easy to judge her, but from where I sit I just feel sorry for her. I understand the desperation to heal your child. I get that. So it makes me ache for this woman who felt she was out of options. I believe she thought she was acting out of mercy, but maybe only a parent who has endured Autism could see it that way, I guess.

Here's the story: http://hosted2.ap.org/TNMAR/nationandworld/Article_2010-02-25-US-Manhattan-Hotel-Death/id-p435b91e54e9d426dbe553a8fcf42a89d

Friend: NY mom had obsessed over dead son's autismVERENA DOBNIKVERENA DOBNIK, Associated Press Writer

FILE - In this Feb. 5, 2010 file photo, members of the Medical Examiners Office remove the body of 8-year-old Jude Michael Mirra from the Peninsula Hotel in New York where his mother, Gigi Jordan, is accused of killing him. After years of struggling - with his severe autism and her inability to help him - Jordan gave up. To those who knew her, she was a loving, overprotective single mother who snapped under incredible strain. To prosecutors, she is a killer. (AP Photo/Mary Altaffer)

NEW YORK (AP) — Gigi Jordan quit a high-powered job as a pharmaceutical company executive and abandoned her social life to devote all her time to her severely autistic son.
For most of his tortured life, Jude Michael Mirra repeatedly banged his head on the floor, screaming and unable to speak, writhing in pain. His mother, trained as a nurse, went to exhaustive lengths to help the 8-year-old, desperate for a cure.
But nothing worked. Her only child is dead now — by her own hands, according to police.
After years of struggling — with his autism and her inability to help him — Gigi Jordan gave up. To those who knew her, she was a loving, overprotective single mother who snapped under incredible strain. To prosecutors, she was a killer.

Jordan, 49, twice-divorced and living in New York, brought her only child to the Peninsula Hotel on Manhattan's Fifth Avenue on Feb. 3. She paid cash for two nights in a $2,300-a-night suite. After posting a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, she double-locked it and jammed it with a chair.

Inside, prosecutors say she fed Jude a fatal overdose of various prescription drugs and took pills herself. Two days later, police alerted by a concerned relative burst in and found her semiconscious on the floor, "babbling incoherently," with a faint pulse. Her son lay dead in his pajamas, face up on the bed.

Hundreds of prescription pills were strewn around the bedroom, police said.
In what was meant to be a suicide note, Jordan suggested she was driven by mercy: Jude was "in constant pain," she wrote. "I hope Jude is in a better place." A person familiar with the investigation who wasn't authorized to release the note publicly spoke of it to The Associated Press on condition of anonymity.

As an ambulance rushed her to an emergency room, she asked for an attorney.
From the jail ward of a Queens hospital, Jordan was arraigned via video link on Feb. 16 on charges of second-degree murder. She pleaded not guilty.
Her attorney, Gerald Shargel, told the court there was a "very viable psychiatric defense" for Jordan, saying she shouldn't be held criminally responsible for her son's death because of her mental state. He declined to elaborate.

"This is one of the saddest cases I've ever seen," Shargel said outside the courthouse.
Assistant District Attorney Kerry O'Connell argued that Jude's death "was completely premeditated." She cited Jordan's "articulate" written explanation for what she did, a document which "took her obviously a long time."
A dermatologist and longtime friend, Dr. Marcus Conant, said Jordan confided in him as she tried desperately to fight Jude's autism.

Her life became "an obsession with her inability to help the child she loved. It literally drove her crazy," said Conant, who couldn't imagine her ever harming the child. She was "brilliant," Conant said, going to "incredible ends," studying the latest medical literature and consulting with leading experts.

That obsession with finding a cure even drove her to Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago, where Jude underwent a rare umbilical cord blood stem-cell transplant on April 30, 2007. It didn't work. Jude's pain and screams persisted.

About one in 110 U.S. children have autism, a spectrum of neurological disorders that affect communication and social interaction. While there are no medications that can cure autism, studies show that early identification and intervention can improve long-term outcomes.
With her wealth, Jordan could have hired expert care for the boy but "we had no nannies," Jude's father, Emil Tzekov, told the New York Daily News. "She could afford them, but she wanted to do everything herself. She made sure all his food was perfect, that he was sleeping so many hours. Everything."

At one point, she considered sending him to a school for autistic children in California.
Instead, Jordan moved, Conant said.
"Perhaps she was overprotective," he added, not fully entrusting her son to anyone.
"She was looking for a cure, for a miracle," said Conant.

Jordan was convinced two years ago that members of a devil-worshipping cult were violently abusing the boy. She sought out a Wyoming sex-crimes investigator she saw on television, Flint Waters, and brought the child to see him — even though Wyoming authorities had discouraged her visit.

Cheyenne police detective Tom Hood said authorities placed her in emergency detention there for a psychiatric evaluation "to make sure she was not a danger to her son, herself or other people." When she was determined to be no threat, Hood said, she was reunited with her son.
Autistic children often "cannot express pain or discomfort through speech," says Dr. Timothy Buie, an autism expert at Harvard Medical School who works at Boston's Massachusetts General Hospital for Children. Many suffer a sensory processing disorder, Buie said, so that even an earache or an upset stomach "is profoundly magnified." They communicate distress by screaming, head-banging, even harming themselves, he said.
"Some people can't stand a child who cries for an hour," said Conant. "Can you imagine living with a child who's been screaming for eight years?"

Some parents of autistic children who try everything and still fail to improve their child's condition reach a breaking point, said Cammie McGovern, an Amherst, Mass., author with a 13-year-old autistic son. Some take their distress to the extreme, she said, ending their child's life and taking their own. That was Jordan's goal, police said.

"It's so lonely to love a child who is unable to express that back," said McGovern, whose novel "Eye Contact" examines the relationship between a mother and an autistic son.
"You are driven to the loneliest place on earth, facing what feels like a failure with a child you haven't saved — and you've believed with all your heart that if you worked hard enough you could," said McGovern.

Conant, who said he never thought Jordan could hurt Jude, believes her obsession was "a control issue, the feeling that she would be the one to save that child, almost a salvation quest."
He said he met Jordan 15 years ago through pharmaceutical industry mogul Raymond A. Mirra Jr., managing member of the RAM Capital Group and other health care ventures. Jordan and Mirra, whom she married in 1998, amassed a fortune running their companies.
While still married to Mirra, Jordan became pregnant by Tzekov, a Bulgarian-born yoga instructor in Santa Barbara, Calif. Mirra adopted the baby, promising him financial security and in return, Tzekov signed away custody rights.

Jordan divorced Mirra in November 2001, according to public records in Nevada.
Six days later, she married Tzekov. A photo from that time shows a happy threesome, with a curly-haired, smiling Jude sitting between his smiling mother and beaming, handsome father.
But in 2006, Jordan and Tzekov divorced, and by 2007, she forbade him from seeing Jude.
Tzekov's next contact with his son was in a Manhattan morgue.
When he heard about his death, Tzekov was stunned.

"I cannot understand," he told the News, his eyes welling with tears. "Gigi was a loving mother. She was not a killer."

UPDATE!!!!

2010-02-24T22:08:00.001-05:00

Emily & Daniel have their sweet baby boy! He is healthy and beautiful! Papers are signed! They are parents at last!!! Thank you for praying for them. Prayers were answered!!

Prayer Request 6

2010-02-24T15:52:00.001-05:00

Birthmom is not being released today due to health issues. Daniel & Emily are on their way to meet with her right now!!! Pray that they can sign the papers today and bring home their baby!!

Will update when I know something!

Prayer Request 5

2010-02-24T10:24:00.003-05:00

Birthmom didn't sign papers yesterday. Had to stay in hospital one more night and wanted baby with her. :( Supposed to sign today. Please just keep praying. I can't imagine enduring this sort of ordeal! Will post once I hear something.

Prayer Request Part 3 or 4?

2010-02-22T14:24:00.002-05:00

Daniel & Emily have been matched with a birthmom who delivered a healthy baby boy Saturday. She is set to sign the papers Tuesday. Assuming all goes well, they will have baby boy in hand tomorrow. This adoption leaves a lot less wiggle room for it to fall through. The only thing the adoption is hinging on is the birthmom signing the papers tomorrow.

Please take a minute and pray for all parties involved. Understandably Daniel & Emily are feeling very vulnerable. They are choosing not to meet the little guy until papers are signed. Please pray that the mom makes the best decision for her baby. Pray for peace for Daniel & Emily today and tomorrow, regardless of the outcome.

kynsie entertaining us!!!

2010-02-20T10:49:00.002-05:00

kynsie wanted to perform for us last night...here she is...this is about the third time she did it...we were dying laughing...

Donations for Daniel & Emily

2010-02-19T10:39:00.007-05:00

Donations for Daniel & Emily

Please send all donations made payable to:

Hand in Hand Christian Adoption before March 12, 2010

*for tax purposes please include Daniel & Emily Doss on the outside of the envelope ONLY do not put their name on the check itself*

Hand in Hand Christian Adoption, Inc.
Daniel and Emily Doss
18524 Juniper Street

Gardner, KS 66030-9147

Prayer Request for a Friend Part 2

2010-02-18T10:58:00.003-05:00

You may remember my request about 6 weeks ago that you pray for some friends who were dealing with the heartbreak of a failed adoption after 9 days of loving their sweet baby.

Well, I am back asking for more prayers. This sweet couple has grieved and mourned, and wiped their tears, and continued to trust in God to provide for and sustain them. Once again they were matched with a birthmom and it fell through yesterday. Thankfully, this time they never met the baby, so that is a great relief. There is another baby being born on Saturday that they are presently matched with. As you can imagine, they are more than doubtful that this one will go through. Not that they doubt God, but just learning not to get their hopes up each time word of a baby/birthmom comes along.

My request is that you pray for this particular baby and birthmom, but also that you pray for Daniel & Emily as they continue down this rough path toward parenthood, wherever it leads. They are committed to follow Christ and to trust him, baby or no baby. Still, I know their hearts must ache for a baby.

On another note, they have been awarded a matching grant for up to $10,000 for their adoption. This means that the grant will match dollar for dollar whatever amount their friends and families can raise.

If you are interested in making a contribution, email me: sunshinebabies3@yahoo.com and I will get you the information. Any amount is helpful.

Sunny :)

Autism: Made in the USA

2010-02-15T12:18:00.001-05:00

There is a new movie that has critics and film festival goers alike intrigued. I plan to order it today, and will let you know what my impression is once I watch it. Here's the link: http://www.autismmadeintheusa.com/

Thank you Tracey for sending this to me!

SNOW DAY

2010-02-14T11:24:00.005-05:00

Helping Mommy make some (GFCF) brownies!

Sledding in the back yard.

Kynsie admiring the snowman. She insisted on putting a 'hat' on him.

Older Moms= Higher Risk of Autism?

2010-02-08T11:43:00.002-05:00

Autism risks detailed in children of older mothers

By LINDSEY TANNER, AP Medical Writer Lindsey Tanner, Ap Medical Writer – 1 hr 19 mins ago

A woman's chance of having a child with autism increase substantially as she ages, but the risk may be less for older dads than previously suggested, a new study analyzing more than 5 million births found.

"Although fathers' age can contribute risk, the risk is overwhelmed by maternal age," said University of California at Davis researcher Janie Shelton, the study's lead author.

Mothers older than 40 were about 50 percent more likely to have a child with autism than those in their 20s; the risk for fathers older than 40 was 36 percent higher than for men in their 20s.

Even at that, the study suggests the risk of a woman over 40 having an autistic child was still less than 4 in 1,000, one expert noted.

The new research suggests the father's age appears to make the most difference with young mothers. Among children whose mothers were younger than 25, autism was twice as common when fathers were older than 40 than when dads were in their 20s.

The findings contrast with recent research that suggested the father's age played a bigger role than the mother's. Researchers and other autism experts said the new study is more convincing, partly because it's larger. Older mothers are known to face increased risks for having children with genetic disorders, and genes are thought to play a role in autism.

The study was released Monday in the February issue of the journal Autism Research.

Maureen Durkin, a University of Wisconsin researcher who also has studied the influence of parents' age on autism, said it's important to note that the increased risks are small and that most babies born to older mothers do not develop autism.

Durkin said the overall low risk for autism "may be the most important take-home message," especially for prospective parents
The study was based on records of all 5.6 million births in California between Jan. 1, 1990 and Dec. 31, 1999, and on cases of autism diagnosed before age 6. That number totaled more than 13,000; the study involved 12,159 autistic children for whom information on both parents' ages was also available.

The researchers took into account factors that might affect autism diagnosis, including parents' education and race.

Catherine Lord, director of the University of Michigan's Autism and Communication Disorders Center, said the study is stronger than previous research focusing on paternal age, and "gives us a fuller picture of what is going on."

Autism is a developmental disorder that involves mild to severe problems with behavior, communication and socializing.

Recent data suggest about 1 in 100 U.S. children are autistic, a rate that appears to have increased substantially in recent decades. Many experts believe that rise reflects better awareness and a broadening of the definition of autism rather than a true increase in affected children. ( I think this is complete bunk. where are the 30 year olds (1 in 100) who are just now being diagnosed as Autistic?)

Births to older mothers also have risen in recent years, but that likely only accounts for a small part of the increase in cases, said study co-author and UC-Davis researcher Irva Hertz-Picciotto.

Dr. Edwin Cook, an autism researcher with University of Illinois at Chicago, offered a novel theory for why autism is more common among children with older parents: Autism is known to run in families and it may be that adults with mild or undiagnosed autism have children at later ages, Cook said.

The study doesn't include information on autism in adults.